What to do when your partner’s sexual urge does not match yours, by Tiwa Says

What is it about the rain and sex that makes people chant “weather for two” every time it rains? I guess there is something about the pouring rain that is soothing, relaxing and a little erotic…just my thought.

Did you know that one of the most common problems couples face in relationships is a mismatched libido?

It’s nothing to be ashamed about if your sex drive is higher than your partner’s. We all have very different libidos, which are always fluctuating. So it is only natural that a lot of relationships will end up with conflicting sexual desires.

It’s unrealistic to expect both of you to want sex at the same time, in the same way, every time. Mismatched libidos can oftentimes lead to tension in a relationship, especially in regards to the frequency and type of sex they should be having.

But it is important to know that this doesn’t always mean there’s a problem with either person in the relationship. Rather, it’s a more general imbalance that can be improved through experimentation, collaboration and working together.

Just like I always reiterate, communication is very important. Being able to talk about issues goes a long way in finding resolutions to a lot of things.

Here are a few tips that could help:

1. Find out if the problem is really about sex. Sometimes there can be other issues in the relationship that is affecting bedroom matters. Things like money, children, stress from work, feeling of not getting support from the partner. All these things may cause a low libido for sex. Addressing issues outside the physical relationship is important as this may sometimes be the real cause.

2. What influences your sex drive emotionally?: Emotions play a major role in influencing one’s sex drive. Emotions like stress, depression and anxiety can quickly dampen sexual urges. You might have had your sexual habits or techniques criticised by an ex-lover and now subconsciously dread the whole thing. Or you could feel distracted and stressed about work and not want to get intimate. These are some of the emotional issues that can contribute to not wanting to get it on. Still, it is important to talk it out with your partner.

3. Experiment with other ways of being intimate: It is okay to explore other ways of pleasuring each other or yourself, be it through masturbation, oral sex or even just kissing each other. Rediscovering these acts can boost your sex life and how you feel about each other.

4. Focus on what has worked before: Under what conditions did you both feel aroused enough to have sex? What were you doing that was so hot? Can you replicate it?

5. Appreciate your partner’s non-sexual attributes: Let them know you notice all that they do for you. Adore their mind, personality, sense of humour, kindness and ambitions as much as you do how desirable they are to you.

Finally, it is both partner’s responsibility to collaborate and communicate about how they can maintain a sexual connection in a way that works for both of them. It won’t always be perfect and libidos are rarely equal, especially in long-term relationships, but with a little consciousness, creativity, empathy and an open mind, a mismatched libido can be more of a project than a problem.

For more ideas for fun, feel free to contact me.

#tiwa_says; 09032331388; tiwalokaoke@yahoo.com.