I met up with an old friend recently. She said she needed to see me for something really important. She went ahead to tell me about her husband and his escapades with his side chick.
This was not the first time we were talking about this particular topic but things had deteriorated.
It seemed the other woman had adjusted comfortably well into the role of a side chick. It was a title she was flaunting. To make matters worse, she lived on the same street as my friend and her husband, and everyone on the street knew about the affair.
My friend was frustrated with the situation, not just because she felt embarrassed by the fact her husband was flaunting his side chick for everyone to see but she felt inadequate as a woman. I felt bad for her. This is what had become of a 10-year marriage with three children.
The first time she came to me with the problem, I told her to have a conversation with her husband about the matter, but it seems that didn’t do much good. Interestingly, this man was spending money on his side chick but he wasn’t that generous at home. In fact it was rumoured that he bought a car for his side chick.
In all of this, I told my friend that she had to do a self evaluation and be honest with herself about her marriage. Something is definitely wrong somewhere.
That being said, who is a side chick and what do men really see in them that their partners/wives can’t/won’t provide?
Side chicks are no longer a new phenomenon. It has become so common that we even make jokes about it. As a matter of fact, I don’t think it’s a new phenomenon at all. It’s a practice that’s almost as old as marriage. Side chick is just another name for mistress. And our ancestors had them by the dozen. It’s almost as though a man is not complete without one. So it is the same old practice only that the name keeps changing.
This is not to say that all men engage in this behaviour. Also each man’s motivation differs from the other significantly.
Here are a few reasons why men have side chicks
Experimentation: A lot of men have side chicks because of the freedom to be a different version of themselves and to experiment. Human beings are wired to seek new experiences and stimuli, and this can extend to relationships as well. For some men, the excitement of being with someone different can be appealing, especially if they feel that their current relationship has become boring. These side chicks are willing to experiment with different fun activities in and out of the bedroom. Most men are able to explore their sexual fantasies with these women without judgement. A side chick is often willing to do these things because she’s usually not emotionally attached to the guy and is only interested in a physical relationship.
Ego: Some men think that having a side chick adds to their masculinity. They feel gratified that they are attractive and desirable to many women. Some even see it as compensation for their financial and professional achievements. Social conditioning may not be unconnected here. The traditional and social expectation that men should be tough, emotionless and in control at all times can lead some men who already feel insecure and overwhelmed to keep multiple women as a way to assert their masculinity.
Emotionally unfulfilled: Some men have side chicks because they are emotionally unfulfilled in their primary relationship, so they seek solace elsewhere. Everyone needs some form of emotional validation. Sometimes partners in a committed relationship lose this connection because of unresolved issues and familiarity. This creates a vacuum, which is filled by a side chick in most cases.
Sexual dissatisfaction: Men who are dissatisfied with sexual relations in their primary relationship seek satisfaction with side chicks who are always ready and willing to please..
Insecurities: A man who has insecurities may seek validation in side chicks. The validation derived from these relationships can boost a man’s self-worth or confidence.
Midlife crisis: In some cases, men may experience a midlife crisis, leading them to question their identity, goals and desires. This may prompt them to seek new experiences and relationships, including engaging in affairs.
No commitment or responsibility: A side chick does not nag. The relationship is usually a vacation from the responsibility and complications that come up between committed couples. Additionally, commitment issues can play a role in this behaviour. Some individuals may struggle with the concept of monogamy due to fear of losing personal freedom, fear of intimacy, or a reluctance to fully invest in a long-term partnership. These commitment issues can drive men to seek non-committed relationships alongside their primary one, allowing them to maintain a level of independence or avoid the potential challenges and responsibilities that come with monogamy.
Societal factors: Cultural norms, gender expectations, or the portrayal of extramarital affairs in media can contribute to normalising or even romanticising this behaviour. These influences may perpetuate the idea that having multiple partners is acceptable or expected, leading some individuals to engage in such actions without considering the emotional consequences for themselves and others involved.
Availability: Side chicks are readily available for fun without any form of emotional commitment. This reason makes the idea of side chicks rather appealing for some men. Men who have side chicks enjoy the best of both worlds, so to say.
In conclusion, the reasons why some men have side chicks can vary from person to person. Desire for variety, emotional dissatisfaction, personal insecurities, commitment issues, and societal influences are some potential factors contributing to this behaviour.
However, it is crucial to emphasise the importance of open communication, trust and commitment within relationships to foster healthy and fulfilling partnerships. Infidelity can cause significant harm and should not be justified or encouraged, but rather viewed as an opportunity for growth and understanding within ourselves and our relationships.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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