People are carrying around a lot of baggage these days. Baggage from past relationships: with family, friends and lovers. A lot of this baggage stems from a lack of closure from relationships that went south. Relationships can be messy and moving on from them is messier still. Because no matter what, every relationship is going to change you.
When you open yourself up to another human being and it ends badly, it’s impossible not to feel bruised and inadequate.
A lot of people move from one relationship to another while dragging along the pain and disappointment from previous relationships. No wonder they keep repeating the same patterns in subsequent relationships. It is necessary to have proper closure from a past relationship before moving on to a new one.
If truth be told, one is not going to get closure from every failed relationship. Sometimes, time is all the closure an individual is going to get from a failed relationship.
What exactly is Closure?
Closure is different for everyone, but at its core is a sense of release from the entanglement of the relationship. It is the process of finding emotional resolution and acceptance after a romantic partnership comes to an end.
This process involves gaining clarity about the reasons for the breakup, bad decisions made and lessons learnt. It also includes letting go of any emotional attachments or resentment, so that one can move forward with life. It is important to note though that closure is a personal journey and may vary in duration and intensity for different people.
Closure is crucial at the end of a relationship because it allows both parties to apologise for any wrongdoing and also for both parties to own their part in why the relationship failed. It even helps both parties regain confidence and heal bruised egos while making moving forward easier.
The reason why some people keep having problems in their relationships is because they didn’t get closure from their past relationships. While some keep repeating the same patterns that ended their previous relationships, others go into relationships feeling unworthy of love because they didn’t get love in their past relationships. A lot of people are a different version of themselves when in a relationship because of previous disappointments, disapprovals and pains.
Here are a few reasons why closure is important at the end of a relationship:
1. First and foremost, closure allows individuals to move on from the past. When a relationship ends, whether it be a romantic partnership, a friendship or a familial bond, it is natural to reflect on what went wrong and what could have been done differently. Closure provides an opportunity to process these thoughts and emotions. It allows individuals to let go of the attachment to the past and focus on their present and future.
READ ALSO:
NDDC boss to Niger Deltans: Support Tinubu’s Administration
Salute to Owasanoye as he takes a bow from ICPC, by Sola Akinrinade
Making of a better society, by Azu Ishiekwene
2. We know what to do differently next time. When a relationship ends, sometimes it’s because two people simply weren’t compatible or maybe they were heading in different directions. Other times, there were ongoing problems or conflicts. While we may want to blame our former partner for all of the relationship problems, the reality is that it takes two people to contribute to a relationship breakdown. Closure gives you an understanding of what went wrong on your end, which can help you to grow and avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.
3. Closure helps emotional well-being. Breakups are difficult and they can be even more challenging without closure. A study has shown that declines in well-being following a breakup were related to uncertainty, or lack of closure, over why the breakup occurred. Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that there are emotional well-being benefits associated with closure.
So what are the downsides of not having closure at the end of a relationship?
1. Not having closure at the end of a relationship can make moving on harder for one or both partners basically because of unresolved issues. Because closure provides a sense of finality and allows individuals to begin the process of letting go and moving forward. Without it, one may struggle to release attachments and may continue to hold onto hopes of reconciliation or dwell on the past.
2. Not having closure at the end of a relationship can make it difficult to form a new meaningful relationship.
3. Without closure, one may be left with unanswered questions about why the relationship ended, what went wrong, or what could have been done differently. This uncertainty can lead to overthinking and difficulty moving on.
4. The lack of closure can prolong emotional pain and hinder the healing process. A person may find it difficult to come to terms with the end of the relationship and experience feelings of sadness, anger or resentment that can persist over time.
5. A lack of closure can lead to self-doubt and feelings of guilt. Without a clear understanding of what happened, you may blame yourself for the relationship’s failure, leading to lowered self-esteem and confidence.
6. Closure often helps individuals make sense of their experiences and develop a more realistic outlook on relationships. Without it, you may find it challenging to trust others or enter new relationships with an open heart due to unresolved issues from the past.
It is important to note that Individual differences affect the need and ability to achieve closure. Some crave it more than others. These differences can also play a crucial role in the detrimental effects of not obtaining closure. This includes psychological distress, such as feelings of anxiety and depression, with individuals questioning themselves – in particular their judgments, skills and abilities.
Finally, closure doesn’t always come from external sources or the other person involved. Sometimes, closure needs to be sought internally through self-reflection, acceptance and forgiveness. Seeking support from friends, family or a therapist can also be beneficial in navigating the challenges of closure and moving forward after a relationship ends.
Whatever you do, never carry the burden of a failed relationship on your shoulders. Sometimes, some things are just not meant to be. It may be sad but it is one of life’s realities.
I would love to get feedback, questions, and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. The chatroom opens at 10 p.m. every Friday.
Watch out for my YouTube channel.
#tiwa_says; 09161129108 tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.