I wonder who else has noticed that sexual behaviour is rapidly evolving in our time. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the effect of technology that makes it appear so, or perhaps these behaviours have always been in existence.
Things people did behind closed doors are now being showcased on the internet, thanks to the technology of smartphones.
Oh well, I guess we can’t eat our cake and have it. While technology has brought us a lot of gain, it also brought its share of evil/misery. I believe everyone is entitled to their sexuality and no one should be judged based on his/her sexual preferences…as long as you are not committing a crime or hurting anyone.
Be that as it may, there there are some things that I find fascinating, and this brings the topic of kinks and fetishes to mind. In my quest for more knowledge about human sexuality, I find that some learned beliefs and behaviours have over time hindered sexual pleasure and exploration in humans.
This not only limits our minds, it also makes us view negatively those who are brave enough to break out of these beliefs. There is no norm when it comes to sexual behaviour as everyone is different with unique needs and desires.
With this in mind, let’s take a look at what kinks and fetishes are: Kinks and fetishes are related, but they are different in meaning and practice. A kink is termed as an “unconventional sexual taste or behaviour.” This refers to anything that gives you pleasure, but goes above and beyond the normal sex pattern, while fetish is having “an excessive amount of interest in a body part (especially non-sexual), person and inanimate objects.
In essence, a kink is something that turns you on, while a fetish is something you need to get aroused.
As I earlier mentioned, sexual interests vary from person to person and there’s so much to learn about and explore.
Fetishes get stigmatised not just because they are rare, but because there is a lot of sexual shame in our culture. Which shouldn’t be.
A fetish usually is focused on a body part or an object…a foot or nylon, whereas a kink could be an action, sex act, behaviour or even dynamic between partners. Fetishes are oftentimes all-encompassing and the focal point of a person’s sexual life.
Someone with a foot fetish, for instance, would not just derive extra pleasure from touching, licking or seeing feet during sex, instead, they may only want to interact sexually with the feet to the exclusion of other things, including any form of penetrative act.
There are different types of kinks and fetishes, below are just a few:
BDSM: This stands for Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Submission/Sadism and Machoism. BDSM is when one party exerts dominance over the other in a mutual and consensual sexual encounter. If you derive pleasure from subduing or being subdued by your partner, then this is for you.
Voyeurism: A voyeurism kink is the act of being turned on by watching other people having sex. A clue to figuring this out is if you find yourself particularly turned on by seeing yourself have sex in a mirror.
Dirty talk: This is the use of provocative or explicit language during sex to heighten excitement. The way to know if this is your kink is if you reach orgasm quicker when talking or being talked to during sex.
Urophilia: This is also known as piss play. This kink is for people who are sexually aroused by urination, either by giving or receiving. If you’re interested in domination or submission, this kink will appeal to you.
Cuckolding: Cuckolding is when you get turned on by your partner having sex with someone else, either in front of you or away from you, and relaying details at a later date. A person involved in this is aroused by the idea of sharing with their partner.
Impact play: It is a fancy name for spanking, paddling or caning. Being spanked erotically releases endorphins, which can increase pleasure. This kink is suitable for people who like to experiment with power and sensation.
Foot fetish: This is the most common fetish based on body parts, especially among men. This is because they lead to a leg, which in turn leads to the genitals.
Underwear: This is also a very common fetish but is sometimes viewed as a perversion. Not a few obsessed men have been caught sniffing stolen underwear just to satisfy their fetishes. Some other people experience sexual excitement from wearing certain types of underwear, while some experience sexual excitement when observing or handling certain types of underwear worn by other people.
Pregnancy fetish: Some people are sexually aroused when they see or touch a pregnant woman. For most people, it’s the “glow”. It is generally believed that pregnant women glow. For others, it is the heavy breast, filled with milk. For some, it is the big belly. And for a few people, it is the fact that it is viewed as a taboo to have sex with a pregnant woman.
Wax play: Wax play is a form of BDSM. It involves dripping wax onto someone or having wax dripped on you. It is important to use the right kind of candles though. Scented candles will likely not do the trick. There are special candles like the soy candles that slowly pool wax as they burn and don’t instantly harden when poured onto the body. It also does not burn the flesh.
Breath play: Breath play is also a form of BDSM. It is a practice of having your breathing restricted during sexual activity. I must add that it is quite dangerous. A healthier, and better alternative: Holding your breath. Not only do you get to experience breath play, but you’re completely in control of when you choose or not to breathe. The excitement of the action, plus the excitement of the power exchange, is a better alternative.
This is not an exhaustive list. There are more kinks and fetishes out there and even more not yet discovered. However, if you’re interested in exploring a kink or sexual fetish with your partner, as I always emphasise, communication is key. Take time out to discuss ways to consensually explore, creating boundaries and safe words should things get out of hand.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says
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#tiwa_says; 09032331388; tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.