Building relationships in today’s world can be really daunting, especially with the different dynamics of distant relationships and internet dating. Intentional dating on its part helps with the communication gap and un-fulfilment.
Before you can understand why international dating may be beneficial to you, it’s important to know what it is all about.
Dating with intention is about seeking out partners who fulfill the romantic or sexual roles that you currently desire. It’s about being in the moment and looking out for the connections that you really want and need.
There’s a misconception that intentional dating is all about dating to find a long-term partner, but this is actually false. It is not a limiting concept. That it is not to say that some people don’t date with the intention of entering into a committed relationship or finding a life partner.
The concept of intentional dating requires that you be fully honest with yourself and with others about your needs and desires. This can be difficult for a lot of people.
The magic here though is finding someone who you hit it off with immediately so you don’t have to go on countless dates just to end up no better than you started off with.
Intentional dating is actually easier than regular dating because there’s a clear goal in mind. It is also called slow dating as it’s a way to use discretion without rushing or falling into something haphazardly. It encourages people to take their time building intimacy and allows us to be aware of red flags, since chemistry often does not equal compatibility.
If you’re looking for something with more depth, connection and long-term possibility, intentional dating is probably for you.
If intentional dating is something you are interested in, here are a few tips to guide you along:
1. Be yourself: Don’t pretend to be what you are not just to please the other person. Be real and intentional. It should be up to the other person whether they are interested in you or not. Acting up to please the other person goes against everything that intentional dating is all about. It’s not that you are trying to scare them away with your individuality; it’s just about putting your authentic self out there instead of reserving it for later.
2. Be upfront about what you want: Since intentional dating is about finding a specific partner, it is always better to go into your interactions with your clear goals in mind. You should be communicating with the person you’re on a date with about what you’re looking for.
3. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone: You have to expand your horizon in your search for that perfect someone. Intentionally dating can only work if you are willing to talk to anyone and everyone to see what they have to offer and if they’ll click with you.
4. Be willing to walk away from what you don’t want: Sometimes, you may desire something until you try it out and realise it’s not actually what you want. Be willing to walk away from an entanglement if it’s no longer fulfilling the needs or wants you expressed in the beginning. In a way, you’re holding yourself accountable for manifesting the things you actually want instead of settling.
5. You are allowed to change your mind: Intentional dating can unlock parts of ourselves that we didn’t realise were lying in wait. You can change your mind at any time about what your intentions are. So long as you don’t mislead anyone in a relationship about what they are. And you let them know when things change. You’re not doing anything wrong. For example, you might have started this with the idea of finding a lifelong partner. Yet, along the way, you discover that you don’t really want that anymore, but would rather make connections. It is totally acceptable.
6. Be willing to have difficult discussions: Whether you’re in it for a casual hookup or a serious relationship, respect and transparency should be baselines for dating. Be considerate and direct if you decide you don’t want to date anymore, aren’t interested or don’t see it going anywhere. Even if you’re looking for some low-key, non-committal fun, communication is necessary
So you must be wondering if you should give intentional dating a try. Trust me, the benefits outweigh the pitfalls.
Here are a few:
i. It helps to fulfil your actual needs: Taking charge of your dating life and seeking out something to fulfill your actual needs and not what other people are throwing in your lap is key. By intentionally dating the right way, you’ll find what matters most to you in a relationship.
ii. You experience less disappointments: Miscommunication is one of the biggest reasons for heartbreak, and when you intentionally date, you’re throwing that option out the window. By putting everything upfront, and encouraging your partner to do the same, there won’t be any unequal entanglements where you or the other person come away with a broken heart.
iii. You spend less time dating: Intentional dating saves you precious time by cutting down on the hours you have to spend on searching for the right person.
Ultimately being intentional and aware of other people’s feelings shouldn’t be limited to intentional dating. It’s something that should be applied to all areas of dating, regardless of whether we want something long-term or a fun, easy fling.
Mutual respect is also key. If more of us approached dating this way, dating would feel much easier and more enjoyable than it does now.
Your individuality should not be lost in the dating pool. Be authentic and do only what works for you because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
I would love to get feedback, questions, and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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