London, the London of dreams and shattered dreams, is becoming a wasting island of broken relationship among thousands of many Nigerians who have settled and regard London as home. The attraction of London as a magnet for immigrants may remain, but the fractured and separated lives of black Londoners are becoming worrisome to social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, the Police, teachers and pastors. Black lives may matter as a protest mantra, but the real issue after the lights are out goes deeper than the 15 minutes of fame among the rank of mobvilles demanding for justice for oppressed brethren.
Nigerian marriages are in shambles. Nigerian kids are becoming talk back kids with no respect for parents due in part to either absent father figure or weak parentage. The double whammy train is chugging along with nobody to apply the brakes. Black lives are in reverse in the oasis of Nigerian community. Arguably, Nigerians may be the largest black community in the UK. They love the UK. They are here year after year to get educated, work, live and some are here for the fast bucks via crimes. There are many Nigerian high lifers. There are many Nigerian low lifers. There is no in between. You either carry the Nigerian flag with glory or bring shame to it. We have the successful ones. We have the rich guys. We have the brainy ones. We have the classy ones. We have the lazy ones. We have the thieves. We have the brain dead Nigerians. We have the gold diggers.
In the ever dynamic lottery of life, a chance to come to UK is the highest prize among Nigerians. If a ship docks at the wharf and ask Nigerians to come aboard on a voyage of willing slavery, millions will take the risk to escape from Sarakinised universe of waste, unemployment and mental death. But that narrative is for another day! The good old days when family life is the highest prize of honour has long gone. Family life among Nigerians is in shambles. Pastors cannot cope. Marriage counsellors are grappling with uncommon phenomenon and crying out loud for sanity to come back. Psychologists cannot formulate any theory behind the high incidents of broken marriages among Nigerian couples in the UK.
As a chronicler of both sense and inanities and a real Londoner who have seen it all, I will upload my own sentiment to the debate and the readers to make sense of my hot flush! Britain is a castrating nation. Nigerian men have been castrated right on the balls through the power of law, equality and the host culture that tend to give more to women than men. Britain lost the stuffy idea of being a patriarchal nation many years ago. Men have roadblocks to grapple with. Women have no barrier to scale. By instinct, all Nigerian males are patriarchal in nature. In attitude. In speech. Inside their relationship. Even towards their bosses. Yes, it is Biblical. But Britain loathes it. Western society will not accommodate patriarchy anymore. It is regarded as ancient, barbaric, domineering and oppressive.
Today, patriarchalism is the glue holding our society together. Our men love to dominate, control and oppress their women. Women are mostly subservient to the whims and caprices of their men in Nigeria. Yes, it may be ancient but we love it and relish it and we will not kill it. It is a continental malady that has had no cure for centuries. We borrow it from our granddads through the generations and it has no end in sight no matter the recent protestations of our “enlightened women”. Therefore, most Nigerian men are victims of this generational conditionings that encourage dominance, oppression and control.
Meanwhile, most Nigerian women in the UK are unmistakably freedom lovers. The UK coopted them into this freedom loving lifestyle. They love it. Rather than regard the limitless freedom women enjoy in their host nation as culture shock, most Nigerian women embraced it. Centuries of conditioning has made the Alpha white male in the UK to reject his role as the head of his home. The narrative of the man heading his home has been neutered into partnership. Husband is now a cliché. Partnership is the new title for both couples. So when the African man comes into this strange arrangement, his ego takes a battering. His self-esteem takes a tumble. His manliness shrinks. His balls are castrated. He finds a new role – a passenger in a fast moving car rushing to disaster.
As the Nigerian male balls are castrated, bottom power takes over and the home becomes overheated with chaos and power struggle. According to findings, the most immediate need of a man in a relationship is respect. This is followed by good screw. Then good food. Then good shower and good after shave. Laughter!!! Today, the burden of partnership and equality in relationship among Nigerians is taking a huge toll. Nigerian men are predisposed to receiving respect and obedience from their wives. But women here are predisposed to keeping their freedom and in the process reject any role that makes them subservient in any form or shape. The argument goes that headship of a home has been blunted. A man rushes out to his 9-5 grind. So too a woman rushes out to bring bread and butter to the table. The bills are shared. Everything is equalized to further strengthen the narrative of equality.
The main controlling power a man has over a woman is the idea that he is wired to be the breadwinner. Sorry mate! Not anymore in the UK. Both male and female have to catch the train daily to go find bread for the table. And that is where the Nigerian male backbone is broken. That is where his ego is thrashed. That is where his balls are kicked. And that is where his natural disposition to oppress, control and dominate his wife is removed. And that is where his respect is eroded. And that is why the woman could deny him sex. And even deny him food. And that is where African marriages in the West are harvesting separation and divorce on a massive scale. The question is when will the Nigerian man regains his respect, his good screw and aftershave back from our female bullies?
. tajutijani@hotmail.com. +2347466578416.
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