A young friend of mine told me he other day that she wasn’t enjoying her sex life with her hubby. I asked her why and she said her partner loves oral sex, but she isn’t keen on it. I inquired further on the issue and she explained that she has a bias for it, stemming from religious and social norms.
I made it clear to her that there was nothing to fear or be ashamed of as long as both partners are clean. Oral sex is a pleasure and it is to be explored and enjoyed. I spent my afternoon schooling her on the art of giving and receiving oral pleasure. She was a very willing student by the way… she promised to give me feedback.
It occurred to me that there are a lot of people like my friend who are suffering in silence. So I decided to bring the tutoring to a wider audience.
Oral sex is the act of titillating your partner’s pleasure points with the use of your tongue, lips, teeth and entire mouth. Cunnilingus, anilingus and fellatio are all types of oral sex, referring respectively to the stimulation of a vagina or clitoris, anus or penis via licking or sucking.
Pleasure is the goal of every sexual experience and oral sex gives you that. It is not just a side piece or a prelude to the main thing as believed by most people. Oral sex is also the real thing. After all, you do get an orgasm from oral sex. Sometimes you get even more intense orgasms and pleasure from oral sex than you would from penetrative sex.
Oral sex is not only amazing but it’s a sure way for a woman to get an orgasm. It has been discovered that only a small percentage of women have an orgasm during penetrative sex.
So how do you go about giving your partner an amazing oral experience? If you are a beginner, there are some things you should take note of:
i. Everyone has a scent and a taste. The natural scent is nothing to be ashamed of or despised. The best one can do is keep your privates clean. No two people taste alike.
ii. Do not use perfumes or deodorants down there. To start with, they are not necessary as long as you are clean. Secondly, they are not genital-friendly. Also sometimes, your diet determines how you taste. Pineapple, papaya and cinnamon can help give a sweet taste down there. Avoid garlic, onions and cabbage.
iii. There’s a risk of oral STIs. This is because there is an exchange of fluids involved. From the mouth to the genitals and vice versa. So it is important to keep safe by using a dental dam and also going for regular screening.
With that out of the way, below are a few techniques to improve your skill.
If your partner is female:
- Start by spending some time licking the fleshy mound above the clit. Don’t leave out the inner thighs. Show some love there too.
- With your wet tongue in a flat position, lick the vulva from the bottom to the top. Repeat.
- Gently pull the hood upward with your finger so you can focus on the clit with the tip of your tongue. Start with light pressure and speed and gradually build up the tempo.
- Tilt your tongue and use the tip to lick the clitoral hood (the little flap of skin over the clit).
- When your partner is fully in the rhythm and enjoying the flow, keep at it to take them over the edge.
The beauty of oral sex is that you don’t have to stick to one position. You can bring your imagination to play.
Here are a few styles to help you along:
- 69
This position is a favourite and can be quite intense. It allows you and your partner to pleasure each other simultaneously. It’s called the 69 because of the way it looks when you and your man match your mouths to each other’s genitals. This position may require a little coordination and confidence but the effort is well worth it! Some people find this style very distracting because it’s difficult to concentrate on their pleasure while focusing on their partner. If that’s the case, just enjoy the act for what it is without any end goal but pleasure. - FACE SITTING
Lie on your back and have your partner straddle your face while facing you. What’s fun and sexy about this position is that it lets the receiver participate more interactively by grinding and moving their hips. It has a touch of domination and submission, which can be incredibly erotic. - THE CLASSIC
This position is a common one. It allows for your partner to lie on their back with a pillow under their butt and legs apart while you lie or kneel in between with your face in the muff of it all. The position is great because it provides a lot of comfort for the giver and the receiver.
SAFETY AND HYGIENE
The best safety method you can use when giving oral is a dental dam. This is a thin latex barrier that you place over the vulva. Take a shower before and after oral sex with soap and water and you’re both good to go.
If your partner is male:
- Start by using the tip of your tongue up and down the base of your penis shaft, pausing to circle it around your head.
- Show the underside of the shaft some love and then lightly flick the frenulum (the little wrinkle of skin where the shaft joins the head) with the tip of your tongue.
- Lap up the entire length and repeat. Bonus points if you let them hear how much you enjoy doing it.
- Hold the base of your partner’s shaft and take the rest in your mouth, then slowly slide up and down while sucking lightly.
- And as usual, pick up the pace as pleasure builds.
No one likes dry rub and friction during a blow job, so make sure that you use moist saliva or have edible lube on hand to help you easily slide your mouth up, down and around him.
Anything you can do with your mouth and tongue, you can also do with your hands. Play with their balls and stroke their shaft with two hands, and press your thumb onto their perineum (the area between their balls and anus) as they are having an orgasm.
Appreciate the frenulum. The frenulum is the most sensitive part along with the head of the cock. So give those parts attention by flicking your tongue.
Make eye contact throughout and look up at them with their penis in your mouth. It’s a sexy way to check in and see the lust in their eyes.
You can twerk it up by kneeling in front of a full-length mirror while your partner stands and watches. This position creates the perfect angle for deep-throating. And if you’re into it, try playing up the gagging and choking sounds a bit for your partner’s auditory pleasure.
Positions to try:
- KNEELING
This is an awesome position for maximising your partner’s pleasure. The man lies on his back on the bed, his hips are spread apart, and his legs hang off the bed on the floor. The woman kneels next to the bed and puts her arms on both sides of her partner’s hips. She bends her arms at the elbows and leans on them to balance her body. Then she wraps her luscious lips around his penis and proceeds with the rest of the blowjob. - WHISPER
Stimulate your partner’s penis gently with soft sweet caresses using your mouth. The male partner will go crazy for this, especially in this position, where he simply lies down and enjoys. The man lies down on the pillow with his back so that he is in the half-sitting position, arms are stretched along the body and legs are straight, driven apart. The woman lies on her stomach, her face in front of the male partner’s penis. And with her hands, she helps to caress his penis, her legs are together and bent in the knees. The man can move his female partner’s head, take her by hair or just watch the admirable picture. - COMPLIMENT
This position is rather comfortable for her and oh so much fun for him! The man kneels on the edge of the bed with his legs spread wide apart. The woman sits down, cuddling tightly her knees to the foot of the furniture. She leans her upper body forward and puts her palms on her partner’s buttocks. In turn, he takes her face with his hands and suggests the steady rhythm as speed, rhythm and pressure work out on every man.
Swallow or no swallow”
This is something to discuss with your partner beforehand, but keep in mind that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If it’s a visual turn-on for your partner, having them finish on your closed lips or chin or wherever you’re comfortable with should do the trick.
SAFETY AND CLEANUP
Flavoured condoms are a good idea. If you’re going for a safe blowjob, flavoured condoms reduce your risk for STIs while giving you something tasty to suck on. As for cleanup, a shower before and a wipe-up after does the trick
ADDITIONAL TIPS
Use your breath. It’s hot and kinda moist, so of course it’s going to feel amazing on their skin. Linger an inch above their skin and let your hot breath tease them into a frenzy.
Make some noise. Let them hear how much you’re enjoying what you’re doing. Moans, spitting and slurping: it’s all good!
Eye contact while you’re going down is quite sexy. It’s also a great way to gauge your partner’s reactions to your moves so you know what’s working and what isn’t.
Make use of your hands. Don’t be shy with those hands! Use them to spread the labia for better access to all the nooks and crannies or to work the shaft like a pro while swirling your tongue around their head.
Explore. Use your mouth, hands or sex toys to explore their other erogenous zones during oral play to take it to another orgasmic level.
Use lube. ure, your mouth is plenty juicy, but lube is fun for everyone! Flavoured lubes can make oral sex tasty and can make hand action or toy play even better.
Take it to the edge. Edging, also called orgasm control, is the ultimate tease and the way to toe-curling orgasms. You work your magic to bring them to the edge of climax and then stop for about 30 seconds before starting up the stimulation again.
Lastly, oral sex can be as fun for the giver as it is for the receiver if you get into it with the right mindset. So, get your inhibitions out of the way, and don’t be afraid to get messy. Enjoy.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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