It was one of those days when I felt the need to be in the gathering of other people, for small talks, a few laughs, and to hear about the latest happenings in town.
This was a gathering of women so I knew I was sure to have my ears full by the end of the day.
It didn’t take long before my wish was granted. A woman who came in late was apologizing and explaining the reason for her lateness. According to her, as she got dressed to come for the meeting, her husband grabbed her and demanded sex and the disagreement that ensued resulted in her lateness.
She complained that the husband pesters her for sex all the time and she wasn’t finding it funny anymore. She hissed, asking: “Is it food?” She further said she wondered what the fuss is about sex because she doesn’t enjoy it. She only indulges in it to please her husband and to make babies.
This was shocking to hear and suddenly I felt sorry for her because it was clear that she probably had never had an orgasm. A lot of women are on this “no orgasm” table and it makes one wonder what the men are doing.
Frankly, I think the men have failed the women. This is why a lot of women now rely on sex toys and those who don’t have access to that wallow in silence.
Back to my women gathering…I heard some women agreeing with her, while some laughed and others just turned their faces away embarrassingly. I kept my thoughts to myself. That was not the place and time to air my opinion.
It is a shame though that in this time and age, some women still think sex is mainly for procreation and only a man has the right to pleasure. This may be a result of upbringing and learned beliefs. With the level of information available these days about sex and sexuality, I would think everyone should protect and nurture not just their mental health, but also one’s sexual health.
This brings me to the topic of sexual exploration. Sexual exploration is simply the exploration of one’s body and sexuality. This is very normal and nothing to be ashamed of. One should be able to know what parts of the body, when stimulated, are sexually pleasing.
Sometimes some people find it shameful to touch and explore their bodies because of the culture of taboo and silence around sex and sexuality. That is why a lot of people are clueless about their bodies and the way it works.
Children whose parents give little information about sexuality and experiences that the children may have can grow up with considerable guilt and little knowledge about their sexual organs and self-touching. Small doses of sexual inhibition may not have long-lasting effects on the person’s sexuality, but high levels of guilt and sexual ignorance can make it difficult for a person to develop a happy, uninhibited sexual life in subsequent years.
I imagine that the woman at the gathering was brought up in a strict religious home where matters of sex and sexuality were taboo. It is clear that she is either ignorant about her body and sexuality or she was brought up suppressing those urges.
Still…. Women need to be in tune with their bodies, especially because the process of achieving sexual pleasure is a little more complicated for them than for men. A woman has to know where the pleasure points are on her body so she can guide her partner accordingly. It has been discovered from studies that a large percentage of women do not orgasm/cum from penetrative sex, which then only leaves other forms of sex to exploit. This is why most of the sex toys available are women-specific.
Sexual exploration is not age particular because you need to be aware of your body at every stage of life. For instance, what was sexually satisfying for a 20-year-old man may not be so pleasing at age 40.
Exploring your sexuality helps you to know who you are and what you are into…kinks and all. Between partners, it can help open new doors of sexual experience and pleasure. You are basically in sync with your body, knowing what you crave and how to go about satisfying your urges, which may be peculiar to you, and not being ashamed of it.
If you have a partner, communication is key. It is important to share your desires with your partner. This is not to say you cannot explore alone. In fact, everyone needs to have had some form of solo sexual discovery so you can have a better sexual experience with a partner.
Sexual exploration is important and cannot be downplayed because each person is different with body parts that are unique in themselves. This is one of the reasons why exploring and discovering sexuality is always fascinating. We cannot afford to generalise when it comes to sex and sexuality. What works for one person may not necessarily work for the other.
It will be misleading to assume, for instance, that all women have sensitive nipples. Though it may be true for most, there are still a small majority of women who get no sexual turn-on having their nipples sucked. While this may seem odd, it does not mean there is something wrong with such women. Each person is unique that is why the man/woman must take time to explore his/her body to know what works and how it works.
Exploring is experimenting. The only way to know something is to try it out to see what happens. People who explore are oftentimes seen as promiscuous or regarded as a taboo.
Inasmuch as your exploration is with consenting age-appropriate partners, and it is safe, there is no such thing as promiscuity or taboo sexual behaviours. Be free to experiment however you want: could be threesomes, same-sex relationships, open relationships, BDSM, pegging, or whatever that tickles your fancy.
So how can you explore your sexuality? Below are some ways by which you can get better acquainted with your body and sexuality:
1. MASTURBATION
Sexual exploration often begins with masturbation and other forms of self-touch. If you’ve had sexual intercourse and never masturbated, it’s never too late to start! Start slow and seduce yourself. You can use props like candles, music, or other elements to set you in the right mood. Standing naked in front of a mirror is a good place to start. Let the sight and feel of your body turn you on. Experiment with different erogenous zones, different positions, types of touch, and sex toys to find out what you like.
2. SEX TOYS
A good way to explore your sexuality is with sex toys. These toys can be used for solo masturbation or with a partner. These include: dual-stimulation rabbit vibrators, wand-type massagers, male masturbators, remote control sex toys, phone-controlled vibrating panties, etc.
3. SEXUAL FANTASY
Fantasies are an ideal start to sexual exploration. It can be particularly powerful for people questioning their sexual or gender identity. Enjoying a specific type of erotica doesn’t mean you’re gay or straight, but it can be a place to start, especially if you’ve only been in romantic relationships with people of one gender. Sexual fantasy can also enrich your exploration with a partner. Try enjoying erotica together or sharing sexual fantasies using questions designed to get you talking about what you’d like to try. You may find out you share some sexual fantasies you’ve never discussed that can take your sex life to the next level.
4. SHARED SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
You can explore through consensual sexual experiences with someone you trust. Such sexual encounters can help you figure out whether you enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, have any interest in anal sex, prefer intercourse to other types of sex, or want sexual activity that doesn’t include penetration. If you’re engaging in sexual exploration with a partner, it’s best to think of your experience as sexual play. This can be difficult to initiate, especially in a culture that focuses so heavily on heteronormative penis-in-vagina sex. But sex is supposed to be fun and playful, and partnered sexual exploration is an amazing way to keep that focus.
In conclusion, exploring sexuality is a lifelong process, and you can only find answers if you fully commit to asking for and seeking answers. Your sexual desires, preferences, and needs will change over time. And if you stop exploring, you may miss out on some incredible opportunities for pleasure. It is important to note that whether you are single or in a relationship, it’s crucial to set aside time for yourself to explore your sexuality.
I hope to be able to speak to the woman at the women gathering someday soon. I hate to see people missing out on sexual fun they should be enjoying because of ignorance.
Have fun exploring this weekend.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says
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#tiwa_says; 09032331388; tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
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