A middle-aged married couple friend of mine had come visiting the other day and we had a fun time together. While the husband excused himself to visit the restroom, the wife, who is closer to me because we attended the same tertiary institution, told me that they had been having some problems in their marriage.
I thought she had found out that her husband had another woman on the side or he had a child somewhere, but it wasn’t any of that.
She told me that they hadn’t been having much sex lately because she had a total loss of libido. I asked how long that had been going on and she said for many months. I knew I had to help her somehow because it was only a matter of time before the husband sought his fun elsewhere, if he wasn’t doing that already.
To be honest, it’s totally normal for your sex life to dwindle. And it’s also very normal to experience sexual dysfunction. But if it’s interfering with your sense of well-being or affecting your relationship, and it’s a consistent thing, then there’s a problem there.
Most people don’t like to talk about these things with their partners. Interestingly, if you stay tight-lipped, you could be setting yourself up for more issues. According to a relationship therapist, anything you don’t talk about in a relationship can play out in other ways and cause problems in other areas.
Your partner may even start making their own assumptions. It’s human nature for us to make meaning out of experiences, so your partner might think: “Oh, she’s cheating on me,” or: “She doesn’t find me attractive anymore,’ even if the issue has nothing to do with them. Research has shows though that communicating about your sex life makes both sex and your relationship better. So let’s get it on.
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Coping with a partner’s decreasing libido can be challenging and complex, affecting both individuals and the overall relationship. Understanding the underlying reasons, communicating effectively, and exploring ways to rekindle intimacy are essential steps in navigating this situation.
Below are ways to cope with decreasing libido in a romantic partnership.
Understanding Libido Changes
– Biological Factors: Libido can fluctuate due to various biological factors, including:
i. Hormonal Changes: Hormonal imbalances, particularly in testosterone or estrogen levels, can influence sex drive for both men and women.
ii. Age: As partners age, natural changes occur in libido. For instance, menopause in women can lead to decreased sexual desire.
iii. Health Conditions: Chronic illnesses, medications (like antidepressants), and conditions like diabetes can directly impact sexual interest.
– Psychological Factors: Mental health plays a significant role in sexual desire:
i. Stress and Anxiety: High levels of stress from work, finances, or personal life can diminish interest in sexual intimacy.
ii. Depression: This condition often includes a reduced interest in activities that were previously enjoyable, including sex.
iii. Body Image Issues: Negative feelings about one’s own body can lower libido, particularly if there are feelings of inadequacy.
– Relationship Dynamics: Changes within the relationship can also affect libido:
i. Conflict: Ongoing arguments or unresolved issues can lead to emotional distance and a waning desire for intimacy.
ii. Routine: Relationships can become monotonous, leading partners to feel disconnected and less interested in sexual activity.
iii. Differences in Desire: Disparities in sexual desire can create tension, making one partner feel pressured or the other feel inadequate.
Communication is the way to go in situations like this. So you may want to start with a conversation. Initiating a discussion about sex and loss of libido can feel daunting, but open and honest communication is crucial.
Here are some steps to approach the subject effectively:
– Be Honest with yourself about what might be at the root of your issue. Basically, anything can put your sex drive in the slow lane, but stress is the Number 1 culprit. Other common causes include anxiety, medications, relationship or partner troubles… It’s ok to be clueless though.
– Choose the Right Moment. Find a comfortable setting where you can talk without distractions. Doing so will help you feel more open and will elicit compassion from your partner.
– Don’t rush things. You won’t solve the issue overnight. So don’t expect a resolution immediately. Instead, agree to have a follow-up conversation in a week or two after you both have had a chance to think things through.
In conclusion, mutual understanding and respect is how you get through rough times in a relationship and it’s up to you to find out what works for you as each relationship is peculiar and different.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. The chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
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#tiwa_says; 09161129108 tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
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