Stories from the Womb: My experience as a Pregnant Single Lady (2020, Parousia Reads) is a memoir that details the shame, disappointments, and stigmatisation that a pregnant single young adult faces in society. It is written by Lawal Kafayat Gold, a poet, a brand storyteller and strategist.
The author opens the book with musings about the state of mind of a person who suddenly discovers her pregnancy.
She writes about the fact that pregnancy can be unexpected when you are not married, and that your mind will be a receptacle of different thoughts, especially questions about what father and mother would say; what sisters would think; or how your pastor would react, et cetera. According to the author, these stampede of questions “increased my desire to want to scream and disappear”.
One of the first issues that spring to the mind of the author is the thought of getting pregnant when you are single or better put, when you’re not ready. The author cleverly portrays this scenario by stating that the process of pregnancy has taught her that she had to get pregnant to know that it is difficult and not easy, and that is why it is reserved for people who are married.
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In this book, Lawal Kafayat Gold (LKG) writes about the reaction of her father when he was told about her pregnancy. For someone whose wedding the whole family had perpetually waited for, it would definitely be heart-breaking and disappointing to learn that she could disrupt the dream of her family for a grand wedding. “The wedlock thing is another issue. I could have gotten married. I mean, I am that daughter whose wedding everyone has been waiting for. I have 3 sisters; all married within the range of 21 and 22 but here I was at 24, unmarried. My father really wants the whole father of a bride thing; same with my mum. I have a sister who has volunteered to be in charge of asoebi since I clocked 20. My aunt was expectant too, even my father’s wife. Instead, I woke up one Saturday to drop the news on everybody.”
She reflects on the fact that she had seen many marriages where “it had to happen” because a baby happened. She muses that even if you were not ready, “the baby happening meant you were ready (you don’t rẹ́dìí if you aren’t ready is the rule).” (Pp5-6)
In this book, especially in the chapter, A Lil’ Backstory, LKG gives the reader a background about issues that occasion her “singlehood” by stating that she and her son’s father didn’t break up until they discovered they were expecting a child, although things had been going south with their relationship lately.
But things just happened. And one of those things that happened to her is her resolution to sort things out with God, and never to let the perceptions or judgement of people throw her off balance. Thus LKG writes (p9): “But what God thinks of me and how He will want me to handle the situation was paramount in my head than what my family or anyone else thinks or will say. It became a spiritual battle, a war in my heart. … [A]s God still sees the best in me and in my seed. It’s totally a God and I thing and He gave me my biggest ‘I am with you’, one I can never get from anyone else…” (p9)
Drawing strength from this conviction, the author trudges on in her voyage from discovery to delivery, an experience that helps to build courage in the battle against trauma and suicidal thoughts. Added to these is the author’s battle against consistent nagging stigmatisation and societal perception: a perception that imposes upon the woman, a pervasive “tell-your-husband” refrain that greets every of your complaint or question, either to health workers or other members of society.
In this book, the author dedicates some time to discussing the perceived authority that is ascribed to pregnant women in our society. She thinks that pregnancy is a time when women should profess life, and declare good things. For her, pregnancy is a metaphor for life and the giving of life to another, which God has extended to women through pregnancy. So, pregnant women should use that period to declare good things, talk to God, and give life to everything around them.
LKG also discusses the Nigerian myth or belief that a pregnant woman should not walk in the afternoon sun. Thus the pregnant woman is told that: “all the spirits walk under the afternoon sun, so if a pregnant woman does, it is possible that the spirits will chase out the child she’s carrying and replace with something else. To prevent this though, pregnant women who walk in the sun must attach safety pins to their cloth, right on their stomach.” (p60)
In Stories from the Womb, LKG writes about the fact that although she has trained kids before, and had taken many deliveries in her “former life”, yet she has found that having your own children is a different vocation entirely. This is further concretised by the fact that you can’t even sufficiently explain everything that happens in pregnancy.
In this book, the author discusses some privileges that pregnant women enjoy. Such include (or being allowed to) skip queues, auto-respect, getting help from bus conductors, bike men, etc., and crossing roads like a queen. (p64)
In closing the book, the author presents what seems like a caveat and homily to young ladies. She declares that the book was not written to make getting pregnant out of wedlock look great. Instead, she writes that the book is written to give young ones, especially the female folk, enough reason to develop enough resolve to not get pregnant before they are ready. “You don’t have to be pregnant and I hope you won’t tell me my book has inspired you to get pregnant out of wedlock because believe me, it is not the way to go. If anything, I actually hope I have helped you make a resolution to do things right and be true to yourself always. And more importantly, to put God first.” (p78)
Ultimately, this book is a well written work, and the nine-month journey from discovery to delivery has been detailed intricately in a beautifully told story by the author. The author’s deployment of potent metaphors and images has helped her to tell her story meticulously, guiding the reader through the 49 stories (or Chapters) and 80 pages in conversational language, with loads of humour stuffed in between.
. Olatunbosun is a broadcast journalist, fact-checker and book reviewer at Splash FM 105.5, Ibadan. He can be contacted via email, molatunbosun@splashfm1055.com; on X and Instagram @miketunbosun.
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