Juliana Francis
A man who introduced himself as Ikeri Chukwuma Valentine has narrated how his wife allegedly used to torment him at home, dragged him to the Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency in Alausa, Ikeja, Lagos State, repeatedly lied against him and caused her brother to send soldiers to beat the hell out of him.
The aggrieved husband said he was still suffering from internal pains following the assault on him by the soldiers.
Valentine said that his trouble with his wife started after he urged her to quit her job as a salesgirl at Arena Market in Oshodi, Lagos State.
According to him, he suggested this after he noticed a sharp change in her behaviour and realised that their marriage had become shaky.
Desperate, he had reported to all and sundry, begging and pleading with them to persuade his wife to quit the job, but she refused to listen to anyone.
He then went to her workplace and had a man-to-man discussion with his wife’s boss.
He received the most shocking response of his life.
Valentine recounted: “I went to see her boss and begged him to dismiss my wife so that the crisis in our matrimonial home would end, but he said he would never dismiss her because I was not the one who signed surety for her.
“He said even if I sent my wife packing to the village, he would welcome her back to her position at his shop when she gets back.”
Valentine further stated that one of the things troubling his mind and giving him sleepless nights was men calling his wife and his wife leaving his presence to step outside to receive such calls.
He said: “I tried to convince her to leave the job.
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“I told her how I was saving and working towards raising a good capital for her to start a business.
“My wife would run out of the room to receive calls from men and each time I challenged her, she would cook up different stories that she has numerous admirers who want to marry her.”
Valentine said that his wife dragged him to the DSVA, where the officials, without listening to him, took sides with his wife and ordered him to vacate his apartment for his wife.
He also alleged that his wife attempted to push him out of the apartment, using two policemen believed to be fake.
The policemen claimed to be from Alausa.
Our reporter reached out to the DSVA on the matter.
The Agency said it was aware of the allegations that Valentine had been peddling, stressing that it would soon react in due course and will get across to the reporter.
The Agency also revealed that the matter had since been “escalated to Gender”.
Here is the narration of the troubled Valentine: “I got married in 2017 and I did the necessary traditional rites and then the white wedding. Our marriage was going well until my wife suddenly changed and started exhibiting irresponsible behaviours.
“At light disagreement, my wife is fond of escalating every little issue we have into serious quarrels. I complained to her parents several times, but I’ve never laid my hands on her for any reason.
“I called her parents to complain when she injured me in the mouth with the remote control and they did nothing.
“I have been enduring abuses from my wife, but I kept quiet. I noticed that whenever we had issues and I called her elder brother in South Africa, instead of him to address our issues, he would threaten to deal with me.
“There was a day her brother called and was shouting at me on the phone; I ended the call on him. He sent three soldiers to my house. I recognised one of the soldiers as the younger brother of the man my wife works with as a salesgirl.
“The soldiers got to my house around 11am. I was asked to sign some papers, that I usually beat my wife which was a big lie. They started beating me to sign the papers. I have been having internal pains since that day till this very moment.
“I have never beaten my wife. All I did was tell her to quit her job as a salesgirl as she had changed since she started the job. It was causing a crisis in our marriage. I was avoiding a situation when it would develop into serious domestic violence.
“I tried to convince her to leave the job, I told her how I was saving and working towards raising a good capital for her to start a business.
“My wife would run out of the room to receive calls from men and each time I challenged her, she would cook up different stories that she has numerous admirers who want to marry her.
“I would tell her to leave the marriage in peace instead of making life miserable for me because she wants to leave. I went to see her boss and begged him to dismiss my wife from work so that the crisis in our matrimonial home would end but he said he would never dismiss her because I was not the one who signed surety for her.
“He said even if I sent my wife packing to her village, he would welcome her back to her position at his shop when she gets back.
“After much complain to my mother-in-law, she asked her to travel home so that she could talk senses into her head. Immediately my wife heard that I had complained to her mother, she packed her belongings and threatened me every day that if I did not give her transport fare to East, she would leave home with the kids and I would never find them again.
“I called my people to explain the situation and they persuaded me to take her to the village myself. I called her mother after I had raised the transport fare and taken time off work. She told me she was not around the day we were supposed to travel. Her mother said I should drop her at the village and go back to Lagos because of my work. She assured me that she would talk to my wife.
“We got to the village on Tuesday, and I waited till Thursday. We had a meeting before I left and I told my mother-in-law my pains and the best solution to our marriage problems which was that my wife should stop her work at Arena Market in Oshodi.
“I suffered a lot of emotional traumas ever since my wife started working with her boss. She would tell me how my mates are opening shops worth millions for their wives. I told her to choose between our marriage and the work and she made it clear that I couldn’t stop her from working at Arena Market.
“I left the village on Thursday and returned to work on Friday. I worked through the weekend. Sunday night when I got back to the house, I realised my door was open. Entering the house, I was surprised to see her with the children. I then challenged her on why she travelled that long distance with the children without informing me.
“She returned to work the next morning which was Monday. I called her sister to let her know what was going on. I went to work for night duty later that evening and returned very early on Tuesday morning only to realise my wife and the children hadn’t slept at home the previous night.
“She returned about 30 minutes after I had arrived dumped the children with me and went out again. When it was evening, and I needed to go and resume night duty at work, I had to call our marriage sponsor who is a police officer. I begged her to help me take care of the kids while I went to work.
“She told me to bring the children to her place at Ajao Estate which I did and went on my way to work. I had not gotten to work when my sister called to tell me that my wife called her to ask why I would take my children to her place. She said she had to explain that our children were not with her.
“My wife then called me to ask about our children and I asked why she was asking after she left home since morning and never cared to check on them, knowing fully well that I would go to work. I asked why her work was more important than our children’s.
“I later told her where the kids were but then I told the woman not to release the children to her until I get back from work on Thursday. On a certain Thursday, we went to pick up the children and the woman tried to mediate. We both shared our part of the story.
“She accused me of beating her to the point of having a miscarriage which never happened.
“I told the woman that my wife already reported me to the Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (DSVA) Alausa Ikeja. I already got an invitation to come the following Wednesday.
“This police officer told my wife to put her work at Arena Market on hold till Wednesday and just stay with the children and take good care of them. My wife refused. She also asked for her boss’ number assuring us that she would speak with my wife’s boss, but she said nothing could stop her from going to work.
“I had to explain my fears of staying in the same house with my wife because her boss had been threatening to kill me. I was no longer feeling safe in my own house again. She said she would move to her sister’s house, and she moved with the children. She has been at her sister’s place since then.
“The day I went to DSVA, I was put through hell. The government needs to investigate the way they treat their cases. They were already judging the case before listening to my side of the story. They asked me to leave the house for my wife.
“They did not allow me to answer my phone calls. They insulted and treated me like a criminal. Even after I told them that I needed to speak with my legal adviser on the phone, they didn’t allow me.
“They were saying that I wanted to kill my wife, that I usually beat my wife which I have never done in my life. The man who attended to us acted like he had been bribed. Just because my wife claimed that I usually abused her physically does not mean I did it.
“They asked me to sign a paper or else, they would call their police officers that would escalate the case. I told him I would need to take the paper home so that someone would put me through as I was not educated. They refused and threatened me. I was forced to sign the paper under duress.
“I was then told to pack my things and move out of the house on the 30th of September last month. Last Monday which was on the 11th of October 2023 I had a heavy bang on my door, and I was scared to death. I later realised it was my wife who brought two men who claimed to be police officers from Alausa.
“They almost broke down the door to my apartment, Thankfully for my neighbours who challenged the two men who claimed to be officers. I had to call on Advocates For Children And Vulnerable Persons Network (ACVPN) and members of the organisation swiftly reached out to Makinde Police Station in Mafoluku because I had complained about my wife’s violent behaviour.
“Surprisingly, the officers from Makinde Police Station swiftly showed up but the two imposters had left when they sensed trouble was coming. Nigerians please help me, my life is under serious threat as I speak.”
The co-founder of the ACVPN, Ebenezer Omejalile, while reacting to Valentine’s allegations against the DSVA, opined that what the agency did concerning his case amounted to abuse of office.
It will be recalled that Omejalile had often alleged that the DSVA used to be unfair in its handling of domestic violence relating to men.
His words: “This is not the first time men are wrongly prosecuted for no reason.
“How can an Agency turn itself into a court, a prosecutor and a judge?
“This is unacceptable!
“This is what you get when you have people who have not seen the four walls of marriage duelling on cases of Gender-Based Violence.
“It’s only in Lagos State you have an Agency that attempts to silence a constitutionally established Ministry of Women Affairs.
“Lagos State Government should be ready to receive women driven out of their marriages no thanks to the overzealousness of such Agencies.
“The current Commissioner of Police, Lagos State Police Command, Ikeja should be told the gospel truth.
“He should not allow his office to be used as a shield against innocent men because the report has it that DSVA has been given a police post.
“For what?
“The CP should not join those wasting taxpayers’ money.
“This is one of the reasons DSVA think they can do and undo just to impress the Governor’s wife with unrealistic report and media propaganda.
“The CP, Lagos State Police Command, Ikeja should also note that he’s employed by the Nigeria Police and Service Commission (PSC) to protect both the alleged and the innocent, by applying the true course of justice through Fairness, Equity and Justice to everyone.
“The Nigeria Government should be very careful with The UN Women and Girls Spotlight Initiative.
“The programme has been hijacked by some so-called cabal who twisted the Aims and Objectives of the programme to suit their ulterior motives.
“As it is now, we shall demand from the UN to also establish the UN Men and Boys Spotlight Initiative as well to equate the UN Women and Girls Spotlight Initiative as well.
“The media too should not allow itself to be used as propaganda to promote bad omen on issues of Gender-Based Violence or SGBV.
“The ACVPN will continue to push for good values by campaigning for both sexes, be it boy or girl.
“For us to have a sane society, the right values should commence from home whereby the male child is taught to respect the female child, in the same with the female child should be taught to respect the male child.
“By doing so, when they grow up as adults they will never depart from it.
“We will have a sane society devoid of any form of violence to a minimal level.
“I can recall about three years ago, I called the attention of Dr. Jide Martins when he was the Director Office of Public Defender on a similar case of a certain Arik staff whom DSVA asked to leave his apartment for the wife through a certain DPO, Ilupeju Police Station who practically knows nothing about domestic violence or Gender-Based Violence.
“On that fateful night when I realised the DPO was hell-bent on detaining the Arik Air former employee due to the instructions of the DSVA, I had to call a senior police comrade who quickly called the DPO to order.
“We didn’t stop there.
“We escalated the matter to the good office of Dr. Jide Martins, who acted promptly by putting a call through immediately after we complained.
“To our surprise, the DSVA denied it.
“All manner of intimidation was used against the Arik staff.
“Today, the marriage in question is over as the court decided their fate.
“The Arik Air staff was given custody of the children and the so-called bravado Agency was nowhere to be found, but the woman in question did not just lose everything, she lost her marriage, her beautiful children and her life has never been the same.
“God will continue to deliver Nigeria from the kingdom of mediocrity.”
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