I don’t believe there’s any sane person who goes into a marriage with the hope that it will end in divorce.
But shits do happen!
Not just in marriages, but also in life. You get into something with great expectations, but come out with a sour, bitter taste in your mouth.
I don’t think Kevin and Angela would want to stand in front of the pastor, smiling into each others’ eyes like fools, promising each other for better or worse, if they don’t mean to make their marriage work.
I don’t think they would spend whooping sum of money on food, printing of wedding invitation cards and programme, invite live band musicians and buy drinks and other assorted if they don’t mean to make the marriage work.
So, I find it distasteful that many clergies these days frown and condemn divorcees.
I have never been divorced, but I bet that many couple took that route as a last resort. Divorce is a foreign to us in Nigeria. But if someone wants it, it means the centre can no longer hold. It means the falcon can no longer hear the falconer and things have fallen apart!
Many who had attempted to brave the stormy shores of such marriages, had either died or gotten maimed for life.
Marriage is a phenomenal. It’s a strange contract to understand and hardly is there a school to get admission into, to begin to study its rudiment and success.
There’s no hard or fast rule in making marriages or relationships work. You simply follow the flow like a blind fool, getting up when you fall, limping when you crush your toes and dusting off the dirt when it hits you.
Simply put: you get up and learn from every mistake you make in the course of trying to make a successful marriage.
But the big issue here is what sort of treatments are you willing to stomach in spite of bitter acute indigestion before you seek divorce?
Please you guys should educate me: is it better to stay and get killed by your spouse because you’re a Christian and didn’t want to flout God’s injunction on ‘for better or worse,’ than to walk out? Is it not better to leave than live under the same roof with a guy/lady who has suddenly become a cold stranger?
I’m quite sure that Titilayo Arowolo, the female banker who was stabbed 76 times by her legal husband, Akolade Arowolo, would have been alive today if she had read the handwritting on the wall pretty well and taken a hike.
But she didn’t. She probably stayed put in the marriage because she was desperate to make her marriage work. And she paid for that sacrifice with her life.
Before Akolade stabbed her 76 times, it means the marriage had been pretty dented and wobbly with bickering, metamorphosing into quarrels, beatings and fighting.
But she stayed on. Why? Love? Nonsense! The greatest preservation is self preservation!
I’ve always felt that our clergies are harsher than God is. The race to make heaven is a personal one. Your issue should be with your God, not your pastor.
I was in the church one day when a pastor said that couples divorce because they didn’t truly understand each other well before they got married.
But my argument is this: the only permanent thing in life is change.
Someone you dearly love can change overnight. Changes in a person can be due to many factors. The most heart breaking factor is the socio-economic one.
Some of the changes are not just emotional but psychological. You can’t believe that a couple, who once loved each other dearly, could degenerate to the level of constant fighting, name calling and no longer making love. They live like two enemies in a war zone.
Some resort to poisoning their spouses, while others even hire assassins to kill their spouses. Can you just imagine such hatred? A hatred that will force one into murdering a guy or woman you once love dearly enough to marry?
And believe me, these days, spouses killing each other are becoming rampant.
You begin to wonder what had become of the love they once shared.
Is it better to seek divorce than to wait and get battered or killed?
My elder sister visited me during the weekend. She told me about her friend whose husband has turned her into a punching bag.
Everyone was surprised at the sudden change in the guy. This was a guy whom many believed could never hurt a fly. When he was dating his wife, he was the embodiment of a gentleman. His wife was attending the Teacher Training College at Akoka, Lagos State back then.
They were like two peas in a pod. Two hearts living in one mind.
Back then, they were quite poor, struggling to survive on their love. Things seemed better after the guy landed a job. But the lady also graduated and got a job as a teacher. I heard your question my brother. Nope, the guy was not a graduate.
Apparently her job paid more than her husband. She soon bought a car, a land and even built a house, which they both moved into.
The perfect love story you think? Ha! Just wait!
Then for reasons nobody could fathom, the beating started. And yet people who knew the lady said she was quite the obedient and humble little wife. The guy even uses the car more than his wife.
My sister told me that the way the guy pounds his wife these days, it appears like he is determined to kill her….
What about the story of Felicia? Tall, sweet and beautiful Felicia?
To be continued.
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