Mallam Shehu Abubakar is a Chief Imam and has beautiful and intelligent daughter, Modinat, a civil servant, who fell in love Michael, son of Pastor Wale Adesile. They met each other at an eatery and became friends. Two years later, they decided to to get married. The opposing faiths of their parents would later lead to a crisis between the families of both love birds.
After a while, Modinat took a step by going to her father to inform him about her decision of getting married to Michael. But the father became angry and furious about the matter. He warned her not to bring shame into the family because, according to him, the union will affect his leadership position in the community, if she should marry the non-Muslim lover.
But the more Modinat tried to call it quit, the more the love continued to grow between them. This affected Modinat physically and emotionally that her friends and people around began to notice something was wrong with her.
Meanwhile, Michael’s parents too would not want to hear of a marriage between their son and a Muslim lady. They were livid that Michael would even agree to a union with a Muslim. His pastor father would not understand why as a church leader and one urging unbelievers, Muslims inclusive, to come to Christ, it would be his portion to have his son put his calling to question by a marriage to an unbeliever. He became so sad because he felt Michael wanted to bring shame to the family, knowing fully well their level of spirituality.
Then the family began to monitor him so as to prevent him from seeing her. They did a lot of fasting and prayers for his deliverance because they believed their son had been bewitched by his Muslim partner. Yet, the more they prayed, the more the love waxed.
One day, Modinat and Michael eloped, leading to a clash among the parents on who engineered the move among the two lovers. Modinat’s father couldn’t hold his temperament. He decided to go and arrest Pastor Adesile at his house with the support of some policemen.
On their way, they had an auto-accident and they were rushed to a general hospital. It was the at the same hospital Michael’s mother was being treated of high blood pressure, due to the stress and humiliation she had suffered from comments by church members and outsiders.
Again, there is the case of Bola and Akeem who met at the University of Lagos about 18 years ago. They were introduced to each other by a mutual friend at a cafeteria on campus where they both went to have lunch.
For both of them, it was love at first sight. They got talking and discovered they had a lot in common and were even in the same faculty, but Akeem was three years ahead of Bola. He was studying Medicine while Bola was studying Nursing. They liked the same kind of music, food, designer labels and even books.
However, they were both shocked to discover they came from different religious backgrounds and to compound the situation, their fathers were well known religion personalities. Akeem was the son of an Imam of a popular mosque in Ibadan while Bola was the daughter of a Pentecostal pastor, which was well known for its strict doctrine.
That really got them worried because they both knew their parents would vehemently object such relationship if they informed them or get to hear about it from outsiders. They actually tried hard not to see each other but their paths kept crossing. So they had no choice but to give in to their feelings, which were genuine.
For four years, they dated secretly without the knowledge of their parents except for the friend that introduced them and Bola’s childhood friend, Kemi, who eventually betrayed their friendship by exposing Bola’s affair with Akeem to her mother, who later had to tell the father, a pastor, so that he could put a stop to it. Bola’s father was furious about it and he threatened to curse and disown her if she continued seeing Akeem. On the other hand, Akeem’s father had given him the go ahead to continue with the relationship.
Bola, being a good childm didn’t want to go against her father’s will and told Akeem that they had to stop seeing each other because it was tearing her family apart. He begged her to no avail because her mind was already made up. They stopped seeing each other and were out of contact for two years. When they met again months later at a friend’s birthday party, their love was rekindled afresh.
They told their parents about their marriage decision, which, of course, Bola’s father was against. However, her father, this time, had to give in due to pressure from his wife. They got married with their parents’ blessing and had three children to show for the 18 years of staying together.
But suddenly later, Akeem insisted Bola must convert to Islam because he wanted to fill in his father’s shoes or else he would divorce her and get himself a Muslim wife.
To understand the situations of parents in both stories narrated above, it might be necessary to go into the scriptures of the two religions – Christianity and Islam – to which they belong, to know what they teach about marriage.
For the Christian parents who refused their daughter of marriage to a Muslim partner, they would probably be leaning on 2 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 14 and 15 as their reason for doing so. The said passages of the Bible read: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?”
Some churches forbid inter-faith marriage, according to 2 Corinthians 6:14, and in some cases Deuteronomy 7:3: “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons….” (NIV). There is a distinction between inter-church and inter-faith marriages, which are often based on the opportunities given to the female Christian to educate her children.
Many Christians of today believe that anyone has the freedom to choose her or his partner for life. This attitude is found, most often, among those who may be identified as liberal Christians. It is supported by 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 with the central sentence: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband.”
Also, the Muslim parents of Usman, who refused their son a union with Christiana, may have been constrained by the provision in the scripture of Islam, Qur’an, in chapter 2 verse 221 that: “And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushriun) invite you to the Fire, but Allâh invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.”
Islam allows men to marry women from the People of the Book (Quran). The early jurists of the most prominent schools of Islamic jurisprudence ruled in fiqh law that the marriage of a Muslim man to a Christian or Jewish woman is makruh (disliked) if they live in a non-Muslim country.
Islam generally forbids Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men. If a non-Muslim woman is married to a non-Muslim, and she converts to Islam, the marriage is suspended until her husband converts to Islam, and she could in theory leave the non-Muslim husband and marry a Muslim one. If the non-Muslim husband does convert, a new marriage is not needed.
Islam also prohibits inter-marriage between a Muslim and a Kafir (a non-muslim) by stating that the marriage of Muslim males with Kafir females (disbelieving in Islam) and the marriage of Kafir females with Muslim males are not acceptable. Having the belief that non-Muslim males and females become the cause that leads man into the Hell.
However, some people will argue that marital relations demand mutual love and harmony without which the purpose behind such relationship remains unrealised. But when religion is allowed to dictate the choice, there comes such sentiments as: If relations of love and affection are established with Mushrikin (those who associate with Allah such as Christian) or disbeliever, the inevitable effect will be that Muslims may emotionally tilt towards Kufr and Shirk (disbelieving and becoming polytheistic) or, in a lesser degree, the very abhorrence of the denial and concealment of the truth (Kufr) and the devotees of other acts of worship other t
han Allah (Shirk) may just not remain there in their hearts.
Given the contradictory doctrinal provisions for marriage in the books of Christianity and Islam and the emerging liberal, cosmopolitan characters of people nowadays, it has now become a question of how today’s generation handles such a delicate matter.
Will you give your daughter out to a man of another faith? Or will you allow your son to marry a lady who believes in a mode of worship different from yours? Our correspondents spoke with people of diverse background on the issue: Their views:
My son can marry a Christian, but not my daughter – Mudiru Sulaiman Busari Opeloyeru
I cannot allow my daughter to be betrothed to a Christian faithful because he will definitely convert her to Christianity. What then will be the perception of people when they get to know that my daughter got married to somebody from the other religion? It shows that I’m not practicing what I’m teaching others. I can only allow my son to marry a Christian because he will convert the wife to Islam and with that I am fulfilled. But I will not give my daughter out to a Christian.
Definitely no – Pastor Sunday Peter Oluwatobi
It all depends on the person’s level of spirituality and religion because it will be difficult for me to cope with a Muslim in-law. How can I discuss my religion issues with him and what will be his response on issues that bother on spirituality? For me, I will not. But for those that can do it, it depends on the level of their commitment to their religion, because a General Overseer of a Church cannot allow his daughter to marry a Muslim.
It brings confusion, bitterness – Deaconess Ronke Martins
Two cannot walk together except they agree. Light and darkness have no business together. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. I don’t believe in it and I won’t condone such a decision at all. My children were brought up in the Lord and why should they even go against what they believe in, just because they want to get married. Do you know what it means to marry somebody that is not of the same faith as yours? It only brings nothing but confusion and bitterness at the end of the day.
Bible does not support it – Mr. Adedolapo Olawale
In the first place, the Holy Bible does not support inter-marriage with unbelievers. You can do other things with them but not marriage. Marriage means unity. How can there be unity between adherent of conflicting religions? Why should you want trouble for yourself when you are not blind. No matter how much you like yourselves, please don’t venture into marriage with person of different religion.
Love should dictate it – Imam Abdullahi Tajudeen
It all depends on both partners. If they agree to marry themselves and there is genuine love, why not? I believe in love because it is what has kept me going on in life and it is deeper than what many people interpret it to be. You cannot impose your faith on another person and we should all learn to respect and appreciate each other’s belief. Honestly, if we do that, there would be peace all over the world.
Why’ll she betray me? – Lady Funmi Akintayo
Why should the daughter I trained betray me by marrying a Muslim? The Bible says we should not be unequally yoked with unbeliever. So why should she go against the word of God? The Bible already says you shall know the truth and it shall set you free.
If only she will win him to Christ – Elder Abayomi Olalekan
This is hard. It depends on my daughter’s level of spirituality. If she’s deep in Christianity and I see the evidence of her converting the Muslim faithful, then she can go ahead as she will eventually win him over to Christ. But if it’s the other way round, I won’t give her my blessing and I will follow her up with prayers. She will definitely have problems with her in-laws if she does not convert to her husband’s religion, because I have seen it happen to a relative. So I believe the best thing is to terminate the relationship.
Islam frowns at it – Imam Muhyideen Salaudeen
Quran prohibits Muslim women from marrying non-muslim men (Q2v221) Men are allowed to marry practicing monotheist women (people of the book) whereas women are excluded from this ruling. The reason is that the male children will follow their father’s religion because he is the head of the household and has the final say on which religion will be practised as a family.
Religion oreintation is different – Pastor Isaiah Kalejaiye
Marriage is a thing that has to do with seeking family’s consent, which God’s word gives backing to. And don’t forget, love is another key point that cannot be left out. The orientation shared among the two religion is quite different and it is better for the two that are intending to come together in a union to have the same understanding and share the same believe, which will bring a lasting peace into their home. Amos 3:3, it was written that can two walk together except they are agreed? And this is what matters most before we talk about the union or marriage. The Bible says that iron sharpeneth iron. So this basically has to do with the knowledge imparted into either of them from background and this is what will help the union both in raising children and decision taking in the house.
I’ll not attend her wedding – Pastor (Mrs.) Toyin Faboya
If my daughter insists on getting married to somebody who is not a Christian after so much prayer and I still can’t stop her, all I’ll do is not to attend the wedding. The union will not receive my blessing. I will not disown her but I will not be party to the union and I will await what becomes of her tomorrow. The Bible says that no one should be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Marriage is a thing of life, which is not just for today but for the rest of human life. That is why it is not advisable to marry from another religion. And because of their religious differences, they cannot just get things right in the marriage. I personally don’t believe we serve the same God; we have a lot of differences and we don’t share the same ideaology.
Muslims can only eat with Christians, not marry them – Imam Muktar Ahmed
Muslims can eat with Christians but cannot give their daughters out in marriage to a Christian. But the main issue is when my son wants to marry a pastor’s daughter, I will allow him and give my blessing though my people will not support it because of our culture (Hausa). Also, my followers at the mosque will frown at it.
Nigerian women don’t have any religion – Prophetess Clementina Modupe Akinyemi
She can marry from another religion provided the religion is devoted to worship of God Almighty. If she marries a Muslim, she should be able to adapt because it’s her husband’s religion. Here in Nigeria, women don’t have any religion. There is no sin as a Christian for my daughter to marry a non-Christian, provided they know the God they are serving and serve Him accordingly. God will hear their prayers and they will also bring up their children in the way of the Lord.