Christopher Oji is presently the President of the Crime Reporters’ Association of Nigeria. Since Oji became the president, he has bitterly learnt the true meaning of ‘uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.’
Many of his members present myriad of complaints before him, expecting him to wave an invisible magic wand and wrought a miracle and make their problems and troubles go away. Some days ago, he complained to me about the latest in the myriad of complainants besieging his phones and office.
This latest complainant was a woman. Wife to one of the members of the association Oji presides over.
The woman complained bitterly to Oji that her husband, for reasons she could not fathom, had simply stopped making love with her.
Now get this right: It’s not that the guy can no longer get his manhood up. Nay. It’s simply that he could not get it up where his legal wife is concerned.
Oji has heard of several stupidities, while playing his role as president, but that apparent took the prize.
There was a time a crime reporter, who couldn’t control his candy stick, balled the secretary of the association and got her filled to the brim. The irate aunt of the secretary went for Oji’s jugular. The way she went after Oji, calling his phone lines and storming his office at the Press Centre, you would think Oji did the pleasurable job of balling the girl and getting her pregnant. The irate aunt wanted poor Oji to convince the reporter to make an honest wife out of her niece.
Anyway, enough of the digression!
Apparently trying to make the woman who came to report her journalist husband of avoiding sex with her feel understood, Oji told her to come with her husband to see him.
The couple came and the husband presented a genuine reason he could not ball his wife.
He cried plaintively: “I just don’t know what to do. Anytime I’m with my wife. I won’t feel like making love, no matter how hard I tried to make myself want to. But once I’m with my mistress. I can do it many times!”
Needless to say, Oji and the guy’s wife were nonplussed. The woman apparently didn’t know that what she was not getting, somebody was getting it real good.
Oji called the guy names and told him in clear terms to go and work on his manhood and make sure it works for his legal wife.
Now, we’ve reached the point of my contention with Oji. I told Oji that there could be many reasons for a guy losing sexual interest in his wife.
The guy can’t just order his manhood to perform and it will.
Sexual performances or sexual needs entail a lot of things. The guy needs to respond to what he sees or imagines or lusts after.
The eyes feeds, sends messages to the brain, which sends messages to the lower part of the guy, thus engorging his manhood with the latent need to penetrate, browse and download into a babe’s website.
There are many reasons why a guy can stop feeling the urge to make love with his wife.
Many guys have told me that they can’t stand eating egusi soup every day, thus they have to go out to eat ogbono soup.
But any sensible guy who plays the field knows that if you eat ogbono soup outside, you must come home to eat egusi soup because egusi is the legal wife. If a guy repeatedly denies his wife sex, what does he want her to do? Where the heck does he want her to go?
A randy husband should know how to balance his relationships, so as not to hurt any of the women in his life.
Stress is also an indicator, which can factor in, making a guy not to have sex with his wife always or as often as he used to. If a guy used to make love with his wife seven times a week and he slows down to thrice, some women see it as ‘he no longer wants me….’
The guy could be tired or stressed out. So give him break!
But frankly, several experts have argued that sex is a good medicine/remedy for stress. Men should stop using tiredness and stress as a reason to avoid balling their wives.
If a guy returns from office and due to working hours and of course, traffic jam, he’s tired, all he needs to do is to have a shower and rest. Once he balls his wife after resting, he would sleep like a new born babe.
The guy however should know his body constitution. He could also decide to shower, eat, sleep and wake up later to ball his wife. He should know the way he wants to go about it, but to repeatedly fall into bed and leave your wife’s yearning and smoking body, is simply begging for trouble.
It however doesn’t make sense for him to collapse on his wife’s body while trying to please him. Know your body!
Another reason is that the guy might genuinely wish to stay away from sex, even from his wife and mistress. So many schools of thoughts have argued that a good number of men are always on the ready to go for sex, but I don’t believe so.
There are days that just the mere thought of sex, with all its wahala of foreplays, gets me tired even before the act itself. I feel this must be the same for some men. Simply put, the guy is not just into sex at that point in time.
And ordering his manhood to obey and start nodding like agama lizard won’t do any good. Simply put: lack of sexual desire.
The good news is that he would soon snap out of it.
It’s also possible that he no longer finds her attractive. Many wives tend to let themselves go to sleep with respect to their appearances. They forget that it was something about their appearance that made their man to chase after and later marry them.
Some men are suckers for big boobs, some for big bakassi, still others go after lepacious (slim) babes, another go for orobo (fat) babes. Some men will die for fair complexion babes, others for black skinned babes.
A guy told me that what attracted him to his babe was the way she dresses. Different strokes for different people.
There’s no harm in always trying to make yourself look attractive. If not for your husband, then at least for yourself.
Every woman holds it as a duty to herself to look good and dress fine and sexy.
Dressing sexy does not mean showing off fat, flabby buttocks covered with stretch marks or cleavages almost popping out. You can dress sexy without dressing vulgar.
I fail to see reason a wife can’t dress in transparent clothes once she’s alone with her husband. Let him see those nipples through the clothes. Let him see the V between your thighs and salivate. It will do your ego good. You can make him not to lose interest in you sexually.
A guy can also begin to lose sexual interest in his wife if she’s one of those sexually inhibitive ladies. Ladies who can never be caught dead embarking on adventurous sexual styles in bed.
The good thing about adventurous sex styles in bed is that it makes both partners to stay longer in bed, sample each other’s bodies slowly and sinfully and it makes the imagination to work overtime. I mean being innovative. I know there are women who balk at anything different from missionary style. Phew! They can’t even give their husbands blow job or allow their husbands to suckle their honey well.
It will also be good for a wife to give to her husband as good as she gets. What do I mean you ask?
Meet him thrust for thrust. Don’t just lay there like a log of wood. This is your husband. He’s not a badly dressed Indian movie actor, sweating and panting over you. For pity sake, show a little bit of interest in the game both of you are playing on the bed. The gusto with which you welcome your husband into bed for lovemaking is an aphrodisiac, especially anytime his mind replays the sexual scene.
But what really got Oji sitting up was when I told him about mistresses using black magic on their lover to ‘padlock’ his manhood.
To be continued next week.