Lately, I have noticed a common trend among people in relationships, long-term relationships especially. There seems to be dissatisfaction and neglect going on, but a lot of them have resigned to fate, so they are enduring and not enjoying their relationships.
Most of these complaints emanate from women and it makes one wonder: What are the men doing or not doing?
I know there’s no relationship without its share of troubles and I also know that long-term relationships can lose their steam if there’s no continuous and intentional effort by both parties. Still, neglect is a serious issue that is eating away at the fabric of many relationships these days. That is why it is important to address it here and now.
Neglect often occurs in most relationships, but it’s especially common in long-term relationships like marriage. For clarity, I am talking about emotional and sexual neglects.
So what are emotional and sexual neglects?
Emotional neglect can be seen as the lack of emotional support from your partner. This includes a lack of interest, affection or validation. Sexual neglect on the other hand is when your partner is not sexually available to you or does not satisfy your sexual needs. These issues often lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, resentment and anger, which can gradually cause a breakdown in your relationship.
Neglect often starts small, but can quickly snowball into something much bigger, culminating in hurt and pain for the parties involved. The funny thing is a lot of people are unaware of just how damaging neglect can be to a relationship. The longer the neglect continues in a relationship, the more damage it can cause.
It can start to manifest as a lack of attention or affection. Your partner may start to feel unimportant, unappreciated or unheard, leading to feelings of insecurity and doubt. Over time, this can lead to bigger issues such as a lack of emotional or physical intimacy, decreased trust and a decline in overall relationship satisfaction.
Neglect also usually causes a breakdown in communication between you and your partner. When one partner feels neglected, they may become withdrawn. This can make it difficult for you to express your feelings and work towards resolving the issue at hand. Ultimately, neglect can damage the foundation of your relationship, making it challenging to move forward as a couple.
It’s important to note that neglect creeps on you in different forms in a relationship. It may be as simple as forgetting to ask your partner about their day or as significant as consistently prioritising work or other commitments over spending time with them.
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Regardless of the form it takes, neglect can have a significant impact on your relationship and should be addressed as soon as it is noticed. By acknowledging and addressing neglect, you can work towards rebuilding trust, improving communication and strengthening your relationship.
Here are some common signs of neglect you should take note of:
Decreased or lack of communication.
A lack of physical intimacy or affection
Not prioritising your partner’s needs or wants
Withdrawing emotionally or becoming passive-aggressive
Lack of enthusiasm when it comes to spending time together
Excessive focus on other areas of life (work, hobbies, etc) over your relationship.
Consistently putting your needs above your partner’s.
Lack of effort to maintain the relationship. This can include not making time for date nights or neglecting to show appreciation for your partner’s efforts and contributions to the relationship.
What are the causes of neglect:
Understanding the root causes of emotional and sexual neglect can help you deal with the issue more effectively.
One of the causes of emotional neglect in relationships is often a lack of communication. Couples who don’t communicate effectively may not understand each other’s emotional needs or may not know how to express their own needs. This can lead to a cycle of emotional neglect, where one partner feels ignored or unimportant, and the other partner is unaware of the problem.
Sexual neglect can be caused by a lack of communication or understanding of each other’s needs. It’s important for couples to have open and honest conversations about their sexual desires and preferences, and to work together to find ways to satisfy each other’s needs.
It is important to note that neglect stems from a variety of issues, including emotional baggage, unresolved childhood trauma, and a lack of understanding or empathy for your partner’s needs. Often, it’s not an intentional act, but rather a result of unconscious patterns and beliefs that you may have developed over time.
Understanding the root cause of neglect can be an essential step in addressing the issue. It can help you identify patterns of behaviour and provide insight into how you can change your approach to improve your relationship’s health.
Signs to look out for in a relationship:
Emotional and sexual neglect can manifest in many different ways. It is important to recognise the signs early on to address the problem quickly.
Some common signs of emotional neglect include your partner being unresponsive or dismissive of your feelings, aloof or distant, or not showing empathy or compassion towards you. You can see them but you can’t feel their presence. You can talk to them but you can’t talk the way you want to talk. You are with them, but you feel alone. It’s almost as if there is a wall between you, blocking you from them, and them from you Other signs include your partner turning down your advances, not being interested in sex, or not satisfying your sexual needs.
When it comes to sexual neglect, it’s important to note that it’s not just about the act of sex itself. If your partner is not showing affection or intimacy outside of the bedroom, this can also be a sign of sexual neglect. These signs can be subtle or pronounced, and it’s crucial to identify them and deal with them effectively.
An important sign to also watch out for is when your partner constantly puts their needs before yours, without considering your feelings or desires. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, as you may feel like your needs are not being met. Additionally, if your partner is constantly criticising or belittling you, this can also be a sign of emotional neglect as it can erode your self-esteem and confidence over time.
Having established these causes and signs, how do you find a solution to this ailing problem?
The first step in addressing neglect in your relationship is to acknowledge that it’s happening. It can be challenging to admit that there is a problem, but avoiding it will only make things worse.
Once you’ve identified the issue, it’s essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Often, neglect happens when one partner feels unheard or unimportant. By actively listening to your partner and addressing their concerns, you can start to rebuild connection and intimacy in your relationship.
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It’s also vital to be mindful of your actions and behaviours. Make an effort to show your partner that you care by engaging in activities that they enjoy or making time for meaningful conversations. Small gestures can go a long way in mending a neglected relationship
Addressing emotional and sexual neglect requires you to work collaboratively with your partner to find ways to reconnect. Some of the ways to address emotional neglect include setting aside time to spend quality time together such as date nights. Paying attention to each other’s needs and validating one another’s emotions will also help combat emotional neglect in your relationship.
On the other hand, to address sexual neglect, couples can consider exploring different sexual activities, trying out new positions, role-playing or going away together for a romantic weekend.
Honesty and trust are essential elements while you’re exploring different ways to reignite the passion in your relationship.
Another way to address emotional neglect is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. This means expressing your feelings and concerns in a non-judgmental way and actively listening to your partner’s perspective. It’s also important to show appreciation and gratitude for each other regularly, as this can help strengthen the emotional connection between you.
It’s important to understand that everyone has different needs and desires. Couples can benefit from having open and honest conversations about their sexual preferences and exploring ways to fulfill each other’s needs. This may involve trying new things, experimenting with different techniques, or seeking professional help if necessary.
Remember, the key to addressing sexual neglect is to approach the issue with empathy, understanding and a willingness to work together to find a solution.
Moving forward
It is possible to rebuild intimacy and trust after emotional and sexual neglects, but it requires hard work, commitment and trust. It is necessary to take the time to rebuild your relationship slowly and intentionally. Keep the lines of communication open and honest, and work together to repair the damage that might have occurred. Be kind, patient and supportive of each other’s efforts, and remember that change takes time.
A key aspect of rebuilding intimacy and trust is to prioritise self-care. It’s important to take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally so that you can be present and supportive in your relationship. This might mean taking time for yourself to engage in activities that bring you joy, seeking support from friends and family or practicing mindfulness and self-compassion.
Another important step in rebuilding intimacy and trust is to seek professional help. A therapist can help you both navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with rebuilding a relationship after neglect. They can also provide tools and strategies to help you communicate effectively and work through any issues that arise.
Finally, deciding whether to stay in or leave your relationship is a vital consideration. It is essential to take the time to evaluate your relationship honestly, weighing the pros and cons of staying or leaving. A licensed professional can help you reflect on your situation and gain clarity over the best decision for you. Ultimately, taking your time to reflect and evaluate your relationship can help you make the best decision for yourself.
However, it is important to note that not all relationships can or should be saved. If you have tried everything and still feel unhappy, unsupported or unsafe in your relationship, leaving may be the best option for your well-being. It’s okay to prioritise your own needs and make the difficult decision to end a relationship that is no longer serving you.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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#tiwa_says; 09161129108; [email protected].