I was having one of those boring days. One where you keep looking at your watch and wondering why the day is so slow. Thankfully I was saved by a phone call. A young friend of mine called to ask my opinion and advice. On a sex-related issue of course.
My young friend said her fiancee has been clamouring for anal sex and she doesn’t know how to respond to that.
Her major fear is that it is painful and it could damage her anal canal. She further said he once poked his finger in her anus during foreplay and it felt good. She sounded a little embarrassed about that.
I told her that there was nothing shameful about anal sex. It’s just a sexual preference. And as long as you find pleasure in it, you can go ahead and indulge. What you do behind closed doors is nobody’s business as long as you agree with your partner. I did give her a good tutoring, but because I know there are a lot more people on that table, I decided to bring it here so more people can benefit.
Anal sex is the sex that involves the anal area. It’s much more than anal penetration. It includes oral sex and also the use of sex toys. It is often associated more with gay people, but that’s a misconception. A lot of straight men and women also enjoy anal sex. A recent study has revealed that anal sex as a practice in a heterosexual relationship is increasing across all age groups.
A lot of the time the fear attached to anal sex is because of the taboo linked with it. So today I’m going to clear the air on some of the myths and also give tips on how to go about exploring anal pleasure.
Let’s start with some myths:
- It will hurt: A lot of people associate anal sex with pain due to a lack of understanding, especially on how to make anal sex enjoyable. Pleasurable anal sex is all about preparation and mindset.
- Straight men don’t like it: This is one of the greatest misconceptions. Any gender and orientation can enjoy anal sex. Still, a lot of men shy away from receiving anal pleasure. The interesting thing is that deriving pleasure from anal sex does not have anything to do with your sexual orientation or gender. Besides, the prostate can only be stimulated through the anal canal. A lot of men report that orgasms that come from prostate stimulation are intense and are a whole-body experience.
- It’s messy: When it comes to anal sex, hygiene is one of the most common concerns that people talk about. The good news is that faeces leaking out is extremely rare during the act. Although, sometimes, poop can be transferred to the fingers or penis if it is present in the anal canal. To prevent such occurrences, it is always advisable to have a bowel movement and shower before any anal play.
- It weakens your anal muscles and can permanently damage your body: Among the most common fears and misconceptions is that anal sex can weaken or damage the anal muscles. Though it is possible to hurt yourself if you aren’t doing it right, the majority of people having anal sex will not experience any permanent damage to their bodies. Although small micro-tears inside the rectum are relatively common during anal sex, just as can happen inside the vagina during vaginal sex, these small tears usually heal quickly and have no long-term effect on the body.
If you’re considering having anal sex for the first time, and you’re wondering how to go about it, I’m sure you will find these tips handy:
1: Change your mindset: Mindset is a powerful thing and the most important thing to enjoying anal play is to change all negative mindsets concerning it. When a woman tenses her body in expectation of painful anal sex, it will most likely be. One has to be psychologically ready to experience a pleasurable anal sex session.
2: Communicate openly: Communication is the starting point for any sexual activity. Talk about it first. Anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand.
3: Start with self-experimentation first: Self-experimentation is the way to start. Even before one allows a partner to poke anything into the anus, one can start by stimulating oneself with a finger or sex toy. The outside of the anus is rich in nerve endings so it can feel wonderful just to have the exterior of the anus massaged. This can prepare the area for extra stimulation.
4: Clean thoroughly: The anus is a waste outlet. So before the start of any form of stimulation, the anus needs to be thoroughly washed. Bathing with soap and water is enough. Touching an unwashed anus and then touching the vagina can lead to bacterial vaginosis or even lead a urinary tract infection. Though both conditions are curable, they can cause pain for a woman long after the sexual experience has ended.
5: Rinse with an enema: As an extra hygiene practice, some people can wash inside their rectum before anal play.
6: Start with analingus: To ease into anal penetration, you can start with the licking and stimulation of the anus first. This is called analingus.
7: Make sure she’s relaxed: Another way for one to get ready to have one’s anus penetrated is to get relaxed by taking a hot bath or sitting in the hot tub.
8: Get turned on with lots of foreplay first: Before you initiate anal penetration, your partner needs to be thoroughly aroused. Foreplay is crucial.
9: Fingerplay is key: When your partner is ready for anal penetration, it is important to start with a finger. Especially for a first-timer. Try one finger first. You don’t have to put your finger in all the way either. The main thing about anal play is that it has to start slowly and continue that way.
10: Use lots of lube: Lubrication is very important when it comes to anal sex. The more lube the better. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not a self-lubricating orifice. Even a finger can hurt without enough lubrication. So have lots of lube handy.
11: Start with just the tip of the penis: When it comes to anal sex, a little goes a long way. Anal sex can be amazing for both partners even if a man only inserts the tip of his penis into his partner’s anus or the other way around, especially for a first-time anal sex experience.
12: Use a vibrator: The vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to reach climax during vaginal penetration. This is also true for anal sex.
13: Establish boundaries: You should pay attention to what you are feeling and communicate this to your partner during the act. If something feels uncomfortable or painful, let them know. You may both choose to establish a safe word to guide you along.
14: Don’t switch: Whether it’s a finger, a toy or a penis, make sure to never go from butt to vagina. It’s a Urinal Track Infection waiting to happen. If you want to switch to vaginal stimulation after anal play, keep a pack of baby wipes handy to sanitise in between or take a shower.
15: Practice safe sex: Condoms is a sure way to prevent sexually transmitted infections. Remember not to go from anal to vaginal penetration with the same condom as that can spread infections. Ditch the condom and put on a new one before penetrating the vagina.
Anal sex, when done right, is quite pleasurable. It’s just a matter of getting over that anxiety that’s attached to the idea of it. Why don’t you switch things up this weekend and give it a try?
I would love to get feedback, questions, and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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