The sex lessons I never had, by Martin Beck Nworah

When I talked about the ladies yesterday, I knew boys had a worse narrative. Nobody taught us anything about sexuality.

In secondary school, I was in fear of speaking up about the sexual feelings I had. One boy was even expelled from school for writing a love letter to a lady, so you dare not bring up the topic of sex or your feelings. Na straight ticket for confession be dat!

So I buried my head in books and read everything and anything that dealt on male sexuality, female body reactions and everything in between. Fear held me back from doing anything. Before I turned 18, I already gave myself a treasured sex education nobody was willing to give me. Fear, of going to hell and sinning made me shut up. I would’ve talked about the many abuses some of my friends had to endure, but that’s story for another day.

But then I turned 18. And the tables turned.

Having known and read so much, I subscribed to a few newsletters in my quest to know more. I promised myself that I will have sex once I turned 18. But that never happened. Fear of the unknown, of impregnating a lady, of sinning, of so many things I know nothing about beclouded my mind and quenched my libido. I knew a lot, yet I was afraid. But I didn’t have to wait for so long anyway.

My knowledge of human sexuality helped me greatly in my friendship with ladies. Some were surprised at how I knew so much and did so little. That childhood fear instilled lots of nonsense into me. So it was a personal fight to liberate my mind and decide what I wanted. Not because I was afraid, but because I have come to accept it as the right thing.

I was pained.

I was pained, not because I couldn’t do what I wanted then, but because the society made me to believe I would be committing a sin if I dared to have any conversation on sex with my parents or elders. Society will say you are learning bad things, you want to become a bad child. Why are you admiring the hips of a lady, it’s a big sin. Why do you even see at all?

I was lucky to have two elder sisters who never shied away from helping me with the needed knowledge. In fact, the younger of my two elder sisters always made sure I shared with her, stories about my sexuality and life. In her, I found someone who I could open up to and she was always ready to help out with a few tips here and there.

How many people have such luxury of having someone to guide them?

Boys should not be left at the mercy of pornography and housemaids to learn what sex or respect for oneself means. We too, need to be tutored and directed aright.

When I hear stories of rape, I cringe. Because if the men who commit these acts had a proper sex education, they will understand you don’t need to force a lady to open up herself to you. Your dignity and respect as a person comes first.

Boys need sex education very early in life. And ladies too. Stop telling your daughters that once a man touches them, they will get pregnant. When they meet a cunny man who will show them other alternatives, you will be surprised how you have turned someone into a sex machine. Give them the proper education, let them know everything there is to be learnt about sex.

In the end, let them make the decision whether to have sex or not. It is better for one to understand the consequences of an act. So that whatever happens, they will be ready to confront the results of their action.

I have never shied away from discussing my sexuality if I feel I need to know something. I died in silence as a kid, now I am an adult, I won’t repeat same.

The society won’t live your life for you.

ASK QUESTIONS!

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.

#TheMBN.

. Nworah is a writer, conversationalist, creativity expert and political strategist. He writes from Awka, Anambra State.