I was at a lounge the other day and I saw this fine gentleman sitting all by himself. I came alone too just to clear my head, but after a while, I decided it won’t be a bad idea to have some company.
I walked over to this fine man and asked if he was alone and if I could join him. He smiled and said sure, why not.
That started a conversation and an alliance that I don’t regret to this day. We have often joked about that day and he confessed that he was impressed and intrigued by the fact that I could walk up to him. He said that most women would rather wait for a man to approach them first.
I realise that making the first move is an almost impossible task for most women, especially in this part of the world. So I decided it would be a good idea to examine this phenomenon.
Asking someone out, especially if it’s someone you like, can be quite nerve-wracking. And if you happen to be a woman, you might find making the first move particularly scary. Women have been groomed to think that it’s not ladylike to initiate things with the opposite sex. It is believed that men love the thrill of the chase.
Interestingly women who take the bold step to initiate relationships usually have more success than those who wait for their “spec” to find them. According to a recent study, women who make the first move have better sexual experiences because they go after the specific qualities they want in a man when making a move instead of getting what they are dished when a man does the chasing.
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It has been said though that some men find the idea of a woman being so upfront a turnoff, but in a recent survey, 72 percent of men said they preferred that women make the first move. Research by a dating app also shows that 95 percent of men wanted women to initiate the first kiss.
In my opinion, a man who is threatened by a woman making the first move may have some form of personal insecurities or some deep-rooted traditional beliefs.
This is not to say women don’t enjoy it when men make the first move. In fact, when men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted and it fulfills their romantic notions of men going on their knees and proposing. Also because of the fear of being judged and being perceived as aggressive and loose, a woman would rather the man initiate.
The dating scenario is changing though. There are no specific gender-defined roles anymore as more and more women are getting financially and emotionally independent. This independence is also making them decision-makers and go-getters. The rules of relationships are also changing. There is nothing taboo about the girl making the first move anymore.
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Still, a lot of women shy away from it and these may be some of the reasons why:
a. Fear of rejection: Even for women who are open to making the first move in principle, the actual act of walking up to an attractive man and starting a conversation with him takes guts. Fear of rejection is a completely human impulse that affects women just the same way it does men. So perhaps the reason she isn’t being bold is because she’s scared she’ll be rebuffed.
b. Traditional gender roles: Another major factor holding women back from making the first move is traditional gender roles. Like it or not, we have an unwritten social script that says men should be the pursuers of dates and sex and women should be pursued. Many women have put off the idea of veering away from that script because they feel as though it will make them seem unfeminine or too aggressive.
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c. Not a priority: Usually, there’s a bigger supply of men who are willing to make the first move than there are women. So it’s easy for women to avoid doing it simply because it’s not a “must” for them. If you don’t come up and say “hi”, someone else probably will. So why would she bother making the first move?
d. Ego obstacle: Sometimes it’s not the women’s fault that they don’t make the first move because men actively discourage it. They feel as though a woman doing “their job” emasculates them. In response, some women don’t approach men because they’re trying to spare the feelings of men who are wedded to traditional ideas about masculinity.
Still, some men want the woman to make the first move. And these are their reasons:
– Not all men want to be “the boss” when it comes to dating. A woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go for it can be a very appealing prospect. So, if a girl makes the first move, it may seem pushy, but it can also have the desired effect. Win our respect and our hearts will follow.
– Yes, men like to be in charge but then being asked out won’t just generate pleasure, it will also generate goodwill. Men like women who are not afraid to let their feelings show.
Flattery, they say, will get you everywhere.
– Sometimes the man needs a little nudge. The perfect woman may be right under their noses, but they are unable to see it. So, if your secret crush isn’t taking the hint, telling him could be the answer.
Why some men don’t appreciate a woman making the first move:
– Some men are still very traditional and don’t believe in gender equality, especially when it comes to dating. They want to lead the way when it comes to dating. So a woman making the first move can be a turn-off.
– Assertiveness is not always attractive. When a woman makes a move after too many drinks or doesn’t know when to give up, it is an automatic turnoff. Take it too far and you might do more harm than good.
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– Just because men play along with something doesn’t mean they are interested. For some men, it might be easier to say yes than no or to kiss back rather than pull away. But if a man makes the first move, at least you’ll know he’s not just going with the flow.
Ladies, you will find these tips helpful if you are thinking of making the first move:
1. Confidence is key: A woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid to show it is a turn-on for most men. When a woman makes the first move, it demonstrates a level of self-assuredness that’s not just attractive, but downright compelling.
2. Be direct: Being direct with people is always better and refreshing. It removes the guesswork and creates an open and honest foundation. Making the first move over text can be equally as effective if you are uncomfortable with confrontation. Start with a light-hearted conversation, perhaps about a shared interest or a recent event, and then speak your mind. Making the first move can be an empowering and exhilarating experience.
3. Forget about perfection:
Don’t worry about perfect execution; a genuine approach, even with a bit of nervousness, is endearing. Remember, it’s not just about making a move, it’s about expressing your interest and taking control of your happiness.
So, if you want to show someone you’re interested in them, but you are scared, it’ll backfire. Consider this the permission to go for it. After all, you’ll never know what opportunities might be in front of you until you take that risk. Go ahead, seize the moment.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. Chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
Watch out for my YouTube channel.
#tiwa_says; 09161129108; tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
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