I went to see a friend of mine the other day, but she wasn’t home. I started a chit-chat with her sister while I waited. After the usual small talk, I asked if she was seeing anyone at the moment. She replied in the negative. but said she had a FWB, meaning: Friend With Benefits.
My friend’s sister explained that she wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship or be tied down by a man.
So she opted for the casual arrangement without any commitment. I found this rather interesting. It pleased me to know that women were beginning to make choices as regards their sexual needs and wants. Still, I was concerned that a lot of young people are beginning to shy away from conventional relationships. Be that as it may, a FWB relationship is an actual thing and it is worth looking into.
So what is a FWB relationship?
It is one in which two people who are friends or friendly, at least, are physically intimate with one another, but they’re not committed to each other in any way. It may surprise you but some people just want to have sex without the complications of being romantically involved.
People who indulge in a friends-with-benefits relationship enjoy spending time together with no strings attached.
It is especially prevalent these days because traditional relationships are becoming more complicated and time-consuming. More people are embracing the idea of a friend with benefits instead.
People who have a preference for non-monogamous relationships and those who don’t have the time for the commitment of a traditional relationship also prefer a friends with benefits scenario.
Additionally, someone who has had negative experiences in past relationships and isn’t ready to open up emotionally can benefit from the physical benefits of friends with benefits relationships without sacrificing their sense of safety in non-commitment.
So what are the benefits of (FWB):
Let’s start with the most obvious and fun reason:
- Great sex: Since you both are in it just for sex. It makes it easy to experiment and explore without inhibitions. It’s never boring and it’s a different experience from having sex with your girlfriend or boyfriend. There’s no fear of judgment because pleasure is the goal for both of you.
- No commitment: This kind of relationship demands no commitment. You are having sex and if you ever get bored from it, you simply talk it out and move on. You don’t have to “have to” stay or try hard to make it work. If isn’t working, it isn’t working.
- It’s convenient: Most people have busy lives and the thought of dating or being in a relationship seems like a full-time job in itself. Hooking up with a friend allows you to get together when you’re both available and have no hard feelings or questions when you’re not. There are also no relationship responsibilities, like being in constant communication or having to meet each other’s families.
- No expectations: There’s no room for expectations. You meet, have a good time and go your ways. Nobody expects a lovey-dovey post-sex text or a late-night call. There’s an unstated understanding that you might not be the “only” fuck buddy of the person you are fuck buddies with.
- No drama: The lack of interference in each other’s lives makes this situation ideal for a no-strings-attached physical relationship that doesn’t feed off feelings.
- Best of both worlds: At the end of the day, if you do it right, this is a relationship that entitles you to freedom and fun at the same time. Enjoying the best of both worlds, so to speak.
It’s not all peachy with an FWB kind of relationship. Here are some of the cons:
- Unsafe sex: It is easy to forget about safe sex when regularly having sex with a particular person. FWB sex is also most times instant, less talk and more action. Careful thinking can be lost in the heat of the moment or when in the throes of passion. And because your partner may have other FWB, it may not always be a good idea.
- Can be demanding: You may be entering into an FWB because you want to sow your wild oats, but can you handle the work involved? It takes a lot of energy and maturity to handle more than one friend with benefits. So if you are going for more than one, be ready for all the work.
- Endings can get uncomfortable: Everything that has a beginning must have an end and it can sometimes be more awkward than you imagined starting up that conversation to tell your partner that it’s over. True feelings may not be involved, but still, the other party might be hurt.
- Agreement may change: There are tendencies to start developing deeper feelings that ultimately lead to complications.
- Losing a friend: When one of you starts feeling more than you ought to, start acting clingy, asking for more than what was decided on, these bring unwanted tension into the dynamics. You lose a good friend in the process. And that’s always a bad thing.
- Falling in love: Sometimes, it is difficult to have sex regularly and not develop an emotional attachment with the other person. It could happen to you or her and when it is not reciprocated, it ends badly.
As alluring as this kind of arrangement may be, it is not always the ideal. Don’t agree to a friends-with-benefits relationship if:
– It’s the only thing that your potential partner is willing to do. To avoid heartache in the future, you have to fully understand what you’re signing up for in the present so that this relationship doesn’t leave you feeling unfulfilled or unimportant.
– You tend to get emotionally attached and have trouble keeping it casual.
– You don’t do well with non-monogamy and get extremely possessive and jealous of other people in your partner’s life.
Nevertheless, if you have made up your mind to go into an FWB relationship, here are some tips to help you along:
– Set ground rules and boundaries: For a friends-with-benefits relationship to work out, it has to fulfill everyone’s expectations. As with any sexual interaction, keep an open dialogue about what sexual behaviours are accepted and what are off-limits. Mutual consent should be a priority regardless of how casual a fling may be.
– Communicate thoroughly: When you enter into a friends-with-benefits relationship, you should discuss the nature of your connection openly and honestly right from the start and continue to have that open line of communication throughout your relationship. To avoid confusion, hurt feelings, and misread signals, you should be forthright and in complete accord with each other about the nature of the relationship and be forthcoming if anything has changed for you.
– Agree on duration: Agreeing on the duration of your friends-with-benefits relationship from the onset will save you from any painful or awkward moments later on. Come to a mutual decision on the length of this relationship, whether it’s for a certain amount of time or set to terminate once one of you finds a long-term connection. Also, discuss the possibility of dissolving the relationship without any hard feelings if one of you feels it’s just not a good emotional or lifestyle fit. For instance, if your friends-with-benefits relationship makes you happy at the moment, but then later fills you with regret and disappointment, it’s not the right choice for you, you should be able to have that honest conversation (and exit strategy) with your FWB partner.
– Be clear about additional casual sexual partners: If you’re thinking about entering a friends-with-benefits relationship, it’s important to keep in mind that your connection isn’t a monogamous one. Either of you is free to date more people, have other friends-with-benefits relationships, and/or play the field as much as you’d like. In addition to protecting your physical health, you must protect your emotional health by understanding that your FWB relationship can end at any time and for any reason. You may agree to discuss other partners with one another or choose to not know the details. Either way, both of you need to set parameters around the use of protection and getting tested regularly for STIs.
– Be honest: It’s crucial to be honest with the other person – and yourself – about what you want and how you’re feeling
– Respect each other and each other’s boundaries shared: For this relationship to work, it’s important to honour each other’s boundaries and privacy. Avoid violating the rules of the relationship and treat each other with consideration, kindness and mutual respect.
Navigating a friends-with-benefits situation can be easy for some people and not so much for others. So if you choose to try this relationship dynamic, it’s important to proceed with caution and check in with your friend often.
This type of relationship can have lots of benefits and can be particularly helpful when it comes to having physical intimacy needs met. It can also help you learn more about what you like, practice getting your sexual needs met in a mutually consenting way, and enjoin your sexuality and connections with others.
Whatever you decide, make sure it’s something that works for you. Do not follow the trend. The fact that it’s working for others does not mean it can work for you.
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