Author: Tunde Odesola

I bet you, if Kyari lands in the US, many oga patapata in the Nigeria Police and beyond would be indicted because the FBI will make him sing

If that happened in Nigeria? Ha, Ogun Lakaye Osinmale ooo! The Igbo and Yoruba gods of thunder, Amadioha and Sango Olukoso, will reincarnate live at the scene, spitting thunder, lightning and brimstone. Forever, no grass will grow at that scene!

Usually, I write my column on Saturday morning but I delayed it till Saturday night – after the epic final – just to accommodate Manchester City’s anticipatory victory, hoping to use the triumph to rile my known and unknown football frenemies, who cut across countries and continents, online and offline

Delta State Government, since the days of the immediate past governor, Dr. Emmanuel Uduaghan, to the days of the incumbent, Dr. Ifeanyi Okowa, has been a shackled slave in the farm of disgraced former Governor James Ibori

It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man in Abuja is snoring. Nigeria is in danger, we need to break the glass

President Buhari hates jagbajantis when it’s not done by the members of his household, clan or puppets in his inner circle. A case in point of such jagbajantis is the public aiding and abetting of terrorism by the Minister of Communication and Digital Economy, Isa Pantami, a Fulani like Buhari.

Hajiya, I love you. Many people don’t know what we share. They don’t know we were both born on February 17. I’ve sorely missed your dazzling beauty in the last six months that you left the warmth of your husband’s bedroom to enjoy the breathtaking wonder of the 9.7 million population UAE, a country 11 years younger and 12 times smaller than the giANT of Africa, breathless in the fist of your old sweetheart, Pa Buhari.

Whenever history repeats itself for good, cymbals accompany resounding ovations – like the joy of a soccer cup game win. But, oftentimes when history catches man on the wrong foot, grief trails destruction – like the outstanding incompetence of the retired Major General Muhammadu Buhari’s regime in securing lives and property.

Apekanuko bespeaks the high esteem money holds among the Yoruba. Ego, the Igbo magic word for money, is the fuel of commerce. It is different from ego, the personality framework and double-edged sword of Sigmund Freud that can kill or save.

By freewill, Sikiru was a motor-boy, bus conductor, soldier and musician. He could’ve chosen to be a butcher like his father or be the face behind his family’s ancestral masquerade called Adakeja or be a hoodlum in the Ayeye area of Ibadan, a city renowned for robust oratory and notorious free-for-all, ija igboro laarun Ibadan.

So, the heirs of terror turned against the land and her inhabitants. Pinheads turned into warheads. Insanity cages sanity, takes reason captive and ensures that pestilence wastes beyond noonday. Book becomes Boko. Hate becomes Haram, and mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

If Nigerians were half as loyal as the dog, they wouldn’t look up to Aso Rock and wag their tongues because a mere 43 innocent citizens were felled by the bullets of Boko Haram on Saturday, in Borno

Since May 29, 2015 when it bumbled into power, the President Muhammadu Buhari-led government has been moonwalking along the path of tyranny and confusion, yet pretending to be on a roller skate to integrity and democracy made in Katsina

I love idioms, and I will close with three. Buhari and his military are cut from the same cloth. In 2023, I hope Nigerian youths will strike while the iron is hot so that our nation may be saved by the bell

But Lagosians now pay toll, to and fro, at the Lekki profit gate everyday. Even the Lagos State Governor, Babajide Sanwo-Olu, a true Lagosian, can’t mobilise fellow Lagosians not to pay at the Lekki bondage, sorry, boundary gate. Iyen ma lewu. Odikwa risky. Baba-Baba mustn’t hear that

Buhari’s laughter wasn’t hearty. It was dry and mirthless, whizzing like a horsewhip on bare skin in harmattan. The laughter echoes the snapping of the windpipe when the tiger buries its yellow fangs in the back of the antelope’s neck, eyes glazed

I’m not a fan of Tinubu’s bullion-van politics. It’s a major drawback to our democracy. But, permit me to state unequivocally here and now that ALL of those thirsting for Tinubu’s blood are equally guilty of the very allegations they level against the husband of Oluremi

I’ll confess. Fashola never set out to disfigure the President. He actually set out to drape the threadbare Buhari government in brilliant paints, but somewhere along the line, Fashola stepped on gloss and tripped, inadvertently dipping the canvas bearing Buhari’s image in a smorgasbord of riotous colours

I think oga Adesina isn’t suffering from amnesia. But if I’m wrong, here are some personalities that have looked Obasanjo in the eyes and Olumo didn’t shift: Prof. Wole Soyinka called Obasanjo a manipulator, General Ibrahim Babangida called him a “bigger fool”, Ayo Fayose physically threatened him, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, the late Buruji Kashamu….