This year is all about being intentional. As much as it would involve us learning and trying out new things, it may also require us to unlearn some habits and behaviours that no longer serve us.
In order to have better relationships, it’s important to unlearn some sex habits that may be detrimental to the overall emotional and physical connection with your partner.
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For better clarification, here are some habits to consider:
1. Lack of Communication: Communication is the foundation of a healthy sexual relationship. Often, individuals shy away from discussing their desires, preferences, and boundaries with their partners. To unlearn this habit, it’s crucial to open up about your needs, actively listen to your partner, and create a safe space for open and honest conversations about sex.
2. Assuming Compatibility: Sexual preferences and desires can vary greatly between individuals. Assuming your partner has the same desires can lead to misunderstandings and disappointment. Instead, focus on building mutual understanding and explore each other’s desires, fantasies, and boundaries gradually, respecting one another’s comfort levels.
3. Performance Pressure: Performance anxiety can hinder sexual experiences. Unlearn the habit of focusing solely on performance and instead embrace the idea of pleasure-focused sex, where both partners prioritise enjoying the moment, connecting emotionally, and exploring sensations together. Let go of unrealistic expectations and understand that pleasure and intimacy are not solely reliant on specific sexual acts or achieving orgasm.
4. Routine and Predictability: Monotonous sexual routines can become dull and uninspiring. Be open to exploring new experiences, positions, or incorporating sex toys and other props to add variety to your sex life. Unlearning the habit of predictability can reignite the spark and bring excitement back into the relationship.
5. Lack of Consent: Consensual sex is crucial for a healthy relationship. Unlearn any habits that involve pressuring your partner for sex, ignoring their boundaries, or engaging in non-consensual activities. Instead, prioritise open communication around consent and ensure that both partners feel safe, respected, and comfortable at all times.
6. Ignoring Sexual Well-being: Sexual well-being goes beyond the act itself. Prioritise overall health by addressing physical factors such as stress, fatigue, and any potential health concerns that may affect your sexual experiences. Additionally, emotional well-being and maintaining a strong emotional connection with your partner can greatly enhance your sexual relationship.
7. Neglecting Foreplay: Foreplay is an essential part of a satisfying sexual experience. Unlearn the habit of rushing through foreplay or skipping it altogether. Devote time and attention to pleasurable activities such as kissing, touching, exploring erogenous zones, and engaging in intimate conversations. This will build anticipation, enhance arousal, and deepen the bond between you and your partner.
8. Body Image Insecurities: Body image insecurities can significantly impact sexual confidence and intimacy. Unlearn any negative thoughts or beliefs about your body or your partner’s body. Embrace body positivity, focus on the pleasure and connection rather than appearances, and celebrate the unique beauty of yourself and your partner.
9. If your partner doesn’t honour your request quickly, they don’t care: In any relationship, it’s normal to expect your partner to respect and honour your requests. But sometimes, when a request isn’t fulfilled quickly, people jump to the conclusion that their partner doesn’t care about them. This is a misconception that needs to be unlearned if you want to improve the health of your relationship.
Try replacing this toxic thought pattern with these instead:
Practice patience. Rather than jumping to conclusions about how much someone values you based on how quickly they respond, you should practice patience and learn to give people their space, even close loved ones. According to an article published in the academic journal, Frontiers in Psychology, patience, coupled with forgiveness and humility can help us moderate our reactions to ambiguous situations so we can avoid socially destructive acts. Patience creates an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding between partners that allows both parties to feel safe and secure in the relationship.
Set clear expectations. If there are certain expectations or requests that must be fulfilled within a specific time frame, it’s important to make sure these expectations are communicated clearly from the start so there will be no confusion later on. Setting clear expectations lays a foundation of trust between partners by ensuring both sides understand each other’s needs upfront.
10: Your partner can figure out what you need without you telling them or asking for it. It’s natural for couples who have been together for a long time to think they know what the other is thinking or feeling at any given moment. But when you make assumptions about what’s going on in another person’s head without actually asking them, you risk creating more misunderstanding than understanding.
This expectation places an undue burden on the person you are expecting something from and sets both of you up for failure. This habit can lead to feelings of defensiveness, resentment, and, ultimately, bitterness.
Instead, try respectful communication. Research has found that couples with secure attachment styles engage in the most mutually constructive communication. Rather than expecting others in your life to meet your needs without guidance, it is important that you learn how to express yourself clearly and concisely.
11: Compatibility means no disagreements. We often assume that if two people are meant to be together, they should automatically understand each other on a deep level and should never disagree. But recent studies show that disagreement need not just be viewed negatively. Rather, it may be a sign of intimacy and sociability that builds relationships. While it is true that compatibility is important in every relationship, it is also true that disagreement is an essential part of a healthy partnership.
Here’s what you can do to navigate disagreements in a constructive way: Start by expressing your feelings without pointing fingers at your partner or making accusations. This will help you avoid blaming each other during the conversation. Instead of focusing on what you think your partner did wrong, focus on how their actions made you feel so they can better understand where you’re coming from.
Take time-outs when needed. It can help clear your head and allow both of you to come back more focused on resolving the issue at hand while not allowing extraneous emotions to cloud your judgment.
Remember, unlearning habits takes time, patience, and effort from both partners. It’s crucial to cultivate a safe and non-judgmental environment where open dialogue and mutual respect can flourish. Seeking professional guidance from a sex therapist can also be beneficial in navigating through any challenges or concerns in your sexual relationship.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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