The book is a collection of 89 essays spread through 11 sections. The articles had been previously published on the Loud Whispers column which was published on Above Whispers blog.
The book, written by former First Lady of Ekiti State, Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi, was published in 2020 by Prestige in Lagos.
In the introduction to the book, the author prepares us for an adventure of hope. She states that she also has her own struggles, despair and unease, but she has a surplus of hope. She writes: “I do not have answers to many of the questions I ask, but I know that in collective thought and action, and with hope there is enough wisdom to show the way.” (xxii-xxiii) Thus, according to the author, the book seeks to set up conversations about women earning respect, and against any attempt to slut-shame women, or blame them for pushing back against oppression and control.
But she slams the brazen manner with which some women of today throw themselves at men all in the name of money, power and fame. For her, many women believe that they have arrived, so they become ill-mannered, crude and carelessly throw themselves at men, in a way that makes them seem as though they no longer need to earn or give respect. And in the light of this, she muses about the concept of feminism as a movement for “equal opportunities, non-discrimination, respect for women’s choices, women’s control over their own lives and dignity.” (P5).
In the book’s title essay: “Where is Your Wrapper?”, we are given a narration of how the women of a Ugandan marketplace where a woman in labour is given succour by other women who donated all their wrappers to give her a shield from prying eyes. The author also narrates another case where bystanders protected a naked woman from those who couldn’t offer any help but only tried to take videos of the naked woman. She then applies the wrapper as a metaphor for encouragement and help, sisterhood, and women’s solidarity. She writes: “What do these wrappers signify? To me, they mean protection, solidarity, sisterhood, empathy, kindness, compassion, duty; all those things and more that make us human beings…. There is an unspoken protocol amongst the women – a responsibility to take care of one of their own who needs them.” (P12).
She continues her thesis on women solidarity by asking all people to be a part of the campaign: “The more wrappers we bring out, the safer we will all be.” (P13).
In this book, the author stays within the scope of her thematic preoccupation. She wonders aloud and in awe of the surging phenomenon of male and female sex toys and quips about the unspoken yet universal message behind them. In her characteristic feminist angle, she is worried that the agenda behind the acceptance of these sexbots sought after by men is the men’s thirst for ‘silent, submissive female companions who have no voice or agency of their own.’ (P15) She describes this phenomenon as ‘the ultimate backlash against women and the gains they have made over the years.’ (P16)
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Erelu Bisi Fayemi also condemns the commodification of the female body. She lashes out at the plunder to which men subject the woman’s body, wondering what is in the body of a baby, to the extent that she is violated, or that of a 90-year-old woman that she is raped. Mrs. Fayemi muses about the perception of society about women and their place in sociopolitical settings. She quips about how a woman’s marital status has come to ascribe some status to her. So having a ‘Mrs.’ added to your name or the word ‘wife’ appearing in your social media bio has come to mean an achievement.
In this work, the author gives her perspectives on political matters as well. In one of the pieces in the book, she writes about the much debated place of the political spouse. In the section titled ‘The 21st Century First Lady’, she thinks that as Nigerians, we usually do not sufficiently understand that a first lady is key to the success of her husband’s government and governance efficiency. According to her, the first ladies need to work beyond social issues like children’s wellbeing, women’s livelihoods, health, poverty alleviation and peace. But they should also seek a grasp of legal, policy and institutional frameworks to address these issues comprehensively, so as to not continue to scratch the surface of the issues. Her recommendation to make the first lady more effective, or the office of the first lady to be a big player, is to work collaboratively with other stakeholders especially the civil society organisations in order to be able to even be effective after their terms in office.
In this book, the author shares her thoughts on the political and electioneering spaces in Nigeria. She laments the scarcity or absence of trust between the leaders and the people, she comments on the dark shenanigans, and empty boasting of political people to deliver votes for their party’s candidates in their communities; she laments the toxic environment that pervades political stages. The author particularly decries the dangerous ethno-religious narratives that so-called religious leaders feed their congregations because of politics, and opines that ‘This is no way to build a society grounded in democratic values. It is manipulative and retrogressive.’ (P60).
In the book, Where is Your Wrapper? Mrs. Fayemi has a section on religion and society, wherein she showcases her knack for poetic humour. So you read pieces where the author narrates the religious shenanigans of the society, especially of those who simply give you the impression that they’re only trying to help.
In the book, the author discusses the ugly trend of child abandonment. She calls the attention of society to interrogate why women and girls dump their newly born babies in bushes or refuse heaps, and states that we need to dismount our judgemental and self-righteous indignation, and try to understand the factors that lead to these unsavoury acts. She states that parents, families and society as a whole, need to listen to the children, minimise their vulnerabilities, and introduce sex education in homes and schools. Beyond these, the author calls all stakeholders to pay more attention to the intersections of violence, poverty and mental health. The author also writes extensively about sexual and gender based violence. She describes efforts by the Ekiti state government to mitigate sexual violence like strengthening of the law and the Sexual Offenders Register. For her, naming and shaming perpetrators of sexual violence will serve as deterrence for others who may be harboring such thoughts. And in line with this, she harped on the need to bring back the culture and consciousness of what the Yoruba call ‘itiju’ meaning shame, among the people.
In all this mix, a major concern for the author is the phenomenon of the missing father. Listen: ‘I have met many abandoned single mothers. I have helped them start over by going back to school, learning a skill or starting a business. There is never any “father” in the picture; only poor and disillusioned grandmothers and aunties who have love to give but not much more.’ (P131)
In the book, Where is Your Wrapper? Mrs. Fayemi writes about relationships, and particularly discusses the unrealistic expectations of the male folk (and reinforced by society) on women. She writes about the pervasive nature of fake news, especially as perpetrated by people, and laments the gullibility of unsuspecting members of the public in believing such fake tales about her and her family.
In this 403-page book is an eclectic collection of the author’s musings, advocacy, activism, and homily about issues that affect society in general, and women and girls in particular. The book is essentially experiential for the most part, that is the author uses her encounters and engagements with life, people and places to teach a lesson or two. It is indeed a loaded work with so much punch and panache. And it is a testament to the author’s well-travelled, development sector experience, as well as her exposure to the nitty-gritty of the administrative and governance spaces.
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