If the happenings in the first two weeks of this year are anything to go by, then I’ll say it’s going to be a very interesting 2025. I think we need to buckle up and get ready for just about anything.
The other day I was at a birthday party. It was a classy event. Yet we say there’s no money in Nigeria. There was a variety of cuisine to choose from and the drinks on each table was enough to throw a small parlour party.
What piqued my interest was this lady on my table. She had gulped down two bottles of wine and counting when I asked her why she was taking so much alcohol. She looked to be in her thirties. I thought she was upset over something so she was drinking to cope, but she told me that her husband who had been away for a few weeks was returning that evening and she needed to get intoxicated so she could be wild in bed for him.
I think I was more disappointed than shocked. I wondered what marriage school that was taught? In my opinion she seemed to be in no shape to please the husband. I could see her getting home and collapsing on the bed. Even if she was going to have sex that night, she wouldn’t be an active participant.
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This really got me thinking. Is it that she didn’t desire her husband sexually so she needed something to knock her out so she wouldn’t be psychologically present during sex or she had personal issues concerning sex which made her need something to dampen her inhibitions before sex?
I couldn’t keep it to myself. I had to ask her why she needed alcohol to be able to enjoy sex or give her husband pleasure.
She looked at me like I was out of my mind before she explained to me that she felt she was more active when intoxicated even though she usually didn’t remember the experience the next day. She said she almost never had sex without first taking some shots of alcohol.
I knew I couldn’t leave her the same. I had to change her mindset. I tried my best to educate her and I gave her my number so I could keep in touch with her. This made me think that there would be a lot more women and even men who have this mindset and for that reason I needed to shed light on the matter.
It’s a general belief that alcohol is a prerequisite for having a good time in the bedroom. It is a fact that alcohol loosens inhibitions and minimises emotions, particularly feelings of anxiousness. A lot of people usually are more adventurous and daring in the bedroom after taking alcohol because it is believed that alcohol promotes relaxation and confidence.
Sex after drinking is expected to be more fun. But reality is often the opposite. It can actually reduce sexual desire, arousal, and orgasms.
So what happened to having sober sex? Just as the name connotes, sober sex is having sex without any form of intoxication, whether it’s alcohol or other substances. It’s two people coming together to give each other pleasure and being fully aware of everything that ensues.
One of the major benefits of having sober sex is that you are fully present in the moment. When you’re not under the influence of alcohol, you’re more able to tune in to your partner’s needs and desires with complete clarity. Rather than fighting a fuzzy head or letting it all go by in a blur, you can be more intentional with your caresses, focus on all the sensations and truly connect with your partner on a deeper, more intimate level. Trust us, this can lead to a more intimate and fulfilling experience for everyone involved.
Another perk of sober sex is that you’re less likely to make regrettable decisions. How many times have you woken up after a night of drinking and realised that you may have done something you wouldn’t have done in a sober state? Texting exes, going home with someone you would think twice about or risking unprotected sex are all possibilities when under the influence. By choosing to have sex without alcohol, you can ensure that you are making decisions that are truly in line with your values and desires.
Having sober sex can actually improve your physical performance in the bedroom. Alcohol is actually a depressant that can impair your motor skills and coordination, making it harder to perform at your best. By abstaining from alcohol, you may find that you have more stamina and energy to fully enjoy the experience. Studies show that drinking large amounts of alcohol can also negatively impact female libido, diminishing sexual stimulation, affecting vaginal lubrication and making it harder to reach orgasm.
Many people report experiencing more intense orgasms and overall satisfaction with sober sex due to heightened sensory perception. Without substances, you are more attuned to your body’s sensations and your partner’s cues, leading to a more mindful and intimate experience.
Sober sex can also lead to better communication with your partner. Alcohol can sometimes cloud our judgement and inhibit our ability to effectively communicate with one another in the bedroom. You are also more present to express what feels good and what doesn’t. When you’re sober, you’re more likely to have open and honest conversations about your desires, boundaries, and needs, which can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.
Lastly, choosing to have sober sex can have positive effects on your overall health and well-being. Beyond a negative impact on your libido and sexual performance, alcohol can take its toll on your emotional and physical well-being. It’s especially important for women to moderate alcohol consumption. Research shows that women have a higher risk of developing alcohol-related liver disease compared to men, even when they consume less alcohol. For those who do, it’s more likely to progress more quickly and potentially into liver cancer.
Some first-time challenges of sober sex
Initial discomfort: Some people may feel awkward or uncomfortable initially due to the lack of substance-induced disinhibition.
Body image concerns: Being sober and fully present with your body can bring up anxieties about self-perception.
Relationship dynamics: If one partner is not fully committed to sober sex, it could create challenges in communication and intimacy.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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