These days relationships have become very complicated. A lot of things have become muddled up and the rules of conduct that guide relationships seem to no longer exist.
The other day, I overheard two ladies talking at the salon. One of the ladies said she had been in a relationship with a man for a year and a half and she was wondering when the man was going to “pop the question”. So she decided to ask him where their relationship was headed.
To her utmost surprise and disappointment, the man said he did not realise they were in a relationship. He assumed they were just casually dating. More like friends with benefits to be exact. As much as I felt her pain, I blamed her for making assumptions about the relationship instead of making things clear from the onset.
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I know there are a lot of people in this situation. It’s not just the women folk that are affected. Men fall victim as well. That’s why I decided to shed more light on the peculiarities of relationships.
Usually, when you’re dating someone, there’s one unavoidable question that can immediately cause anxiety, especially for women: What are we? Having “the talk” with the person you’re seeing can be intimidating or even scary, especially if you’re not sure where the relationship stands. Are you casually dating? Are you exclusive? Committed? What’s the difference?
Labels mean different things to people, but one of the simplest ways to think of “exclusive” is a transitional phase between “dating” and “relationship.” This can also mean agreeing to not see other people while on your way to potentially becoming a couple.
What is Exclusive Dating?
When you’re dating exclusively, there is sort of an unspoken acknowledgment that you’re both only seeing each other. You spend a lot of time together, putting in the same effort on both sides in getting to know each other better to see if you want to take the relationship to the next level. It’s usually a stepping stone to a long-term relationship.
Exclusive dating isn’t something you want to assume or infer is happening. Even if you’re so sure that you’re both only interested in each other, it’s still a good idea to have an actual (out-loud) conversation about it.
While the concept can be confusing, dating exclusively doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in a relationship. And for some singles, the low-key nature of being with someone without really being with them is exactly what they’re looking for.
And just to be clear, dating someone exclusively does not mean that the person is your significant other. That role requires legitimate responsibilities and a shifting of priorities.
What is an Exclusive Relationship?
Exclusive relationships vary depending on the relationship and the people in that relationship. People will often define their terms as being “exclusive” and agree to them.
Usually, after you spend some time dating exclusively, the next step is to make it an exclusive relationship. This is where “the talk” comes in. You’ve verbally solidified the relationship and have both consciously decided to be solely committed to each other. You’re finally official and looking to the future as a couple.
An exclusive relationship is all about being monogamous. When you’re in an exclusive relationship, you’ve probably met each other’s friends and families, can imagine getting married or having kids together, and committed to working through problems as they arise. You communicate, support each other, and aren’t afraid to be vulnerable when it comes to your needs.
It is important to note that monogamy isn’t for everyone. And that’s okay. But if you’re dating someone and think you’re ready to make it an exclusive relationship, here are some signs to show that it’s the next right move to make:
- If you find yourself prioritising your partner’s needs over your own
- If you’re able to open up to each other
- If you don’t let little arguments affect your relationship
- If you’ve met each other’s friends and family
- If you are not interested in dating other people
- If you have genuine feelings for each other and are happy around each other
- If you love to show each other off
- If you trust each other
- You’ve already talked about a future together
So how can you tell if you are really in an exclusive relationship? Let’s take a look at some signs:
- You’re already an item
- You make concrete plans, whether for a vacation or a family function
- You’re close with each other’s friends and families
- You spend a lot of time together
- You make it official on social media, though this is not compulsory.
- You do a lot of Public Display of Affection
- You have toothbrushes, clothes and other personal items at each other’s places
- You’ve talked about your future together: marriage, kids, etc
- You turn to each other first with the big news, whether it’s good or bad
- You’ve had a big fight and worked through it and even came out stronger.
The main characteristic of an exclusive relationship is commitment. There should be no uncertainty surrounding your devotion to each other. You should be comfortable, happy and confident that you’re with the right person.
Being in an exclusive relationship feels natural. You just fit. You’ve found “your person” and the “honeymoon phase” has just begun!
How do you go from dating exclusively to being in an exclusive relationship?
- If you decide that you want to take your relationship up a notch and fully commit to each other, you’ll need to be open and honest with your partner about your needs.
- It’s important to have a face-to-face conversation with your partner about what you want from your relationship.
- If your partner agrees to move your relationship into a full-time deal, that’s great! If not, don’t be discouraged. It’s always better to find out if you and your partner are on the same page so that you can gain the closure needed to move on.
- If your relationship has been online so far, consider a trip to meet each other face-to-face.
- If your relationship is offline, perhaps it’s time to introduce each other to your family and friends, if you haven’t already.
- Step up your efforts: Make sure your partner knows how much you care about them, and how important they are to you.
- This might be obvious, but unless you and your partner have agreed to an open relationship, it’s time to delete those dating profiles and apps from your phone.
Ultimately, in any relationship, it is important to verbally communicate what you want to the person you’re dating to see if they’re on the same page as you.
I would love to hear your comments: 09161129108 (WhatsApp); Telegram: p@tiwa_says; and email: tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
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