I haven’t been having a good night’s rest lately because my neighbours were back to their nightly routines of screams and fights. It has been particularly bad recently so I decided to speak to the wife. The following morning, after the husband had left for work, I called the young lady and asked her why she always screamed at night.
She told me the husband was always rough with her during sex and she never enjoys it, so she tries to avoid it.
I asked her if she told her husband how she felt. She responded that their culture did not give room for the woman to complain about sex. She was just supposed to submit her body to her husband every time he wanted it.
That was sad, but I didn’t want to be the one to make her rebel against her husband, so I just gave her a few tips on how to care for her vjay. Still I find it necessary to shed light on the topic of Rough Sex because I know it’s a thing for some men and even women. There’s nothing wrong in engaging in it, but it has to be done with consent.
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There’s no fixed pattern with sex. Sexual practices and preferences vary greatly among people. Many are wired differently so we have varying needs, desires and kinks. It is undeniable that some persons find being physically overpowered during a sexual encounter to be extremely stimulating. In fact, studies show that roughly 70 percent of people enjoy engaging in violent sexual acts.
Any sexual interaction that is physically aggressive, demeaning, and occasionally dangerous is essentially considered rough sex. However, what may be aggressive to one individual may not be to another.
Rough sex entails behaviours such as:
Slapping.
Gripping (holding someone firmly or pinning them down).
Spitting.
Choking.
Hair pulling.
Biting.
Gagging (restricting someone’s breathing with something in or over the mouth).
Any consensual sexual activity that may involve aspects of dominance, submission and physical intensity is also referred to as rough sex. The idea of rough sex and its boundaries must be understood in order to guarantee that all parties have healthy and consensual experiences, even though it is still important to recognise and respect individual desires and preferences.
Prior to engaging in rough sex, keep these points in mind:
A. Consent: In any sexual activity, consent is essential. It is even more important during rough sex because there may be more physical intensity involved. Each person must express their willingness to participate in these activities with clear consent, expressed either verbally or in writing. Limits and boundaries need to be continuously discussed. A respectful and consensual environment can also be maintained with the help of safe words.
B. Power Dynamics: Power dynamics are frequently present in rough sex, with persons assuming roles of dominance and submission. These are agreed-upon roles that may entail aggressive and/or physically intense acts. It is important that everyone feels safe and at ease within the established dynamic, though the degree of submission and dominance varies widely based on personal preferences.
C. Consent in Power Dynamics: Though behaviours akin to non-consensual encounters may occur during rough sex, the essential distinction is the existence of consent. By voluntarily negotiating the power dynamics and activities, each partner must be sure that their needs and boundaries are understood and honoured. A framework of consent allows for the occurrence of violent and intense behaviours within predetermined bounds.
II. Importance of trust and emotional safety:
A. Trust and emotional bonds: In a rough sex encounter, trust is important. Anyone partaking ought to have a strong sense of emotional security and a great deal of faith in their partner or partners. All parties are able to fully participate in intense and possibly vulnerable acts because this trust guarantees their sense of safety. Establishing emotional safety also involves having open lines of communication, being truthful, and respecting each other’s boundaries.
B. Establishing boundaries: It is important for each person to actively set their own limits and boundaries prior to having rough sex. During this process, it could be necessary to establish safe words, talk candidly about desired activities, and discuss preferences. Having defined boundaries helps to keep everyone involved safe and ensures a pleasant, consensual experience for all.
III. Recognising risks and knowing when it goes too far:
A. Risk of Potential Harm: Even when rough sex is consensual, there are still risks involved because of the physical intensity and aggression that are involved. It is essential to be aware of these risks and to put your safety first. Partners must make sure that all actions stay within set boundaries because there is a chance of bruises, abrasions, or even emotional distress.
B. Consent can be withdrawn: Consent can be withheld at any time during sexual activity, including during a rough sex encounter. It is not a one-time agreement. A person has the right to cease or modify their actions at any moment if they are uncomfortable, feel unexpected pain, or experience emotional distress. Everyone involved needs to pay close attention to both spoken and nonverbal cues and be prepared to change or end activities as needed.
C. Crossing the line: When rough sex becomes non-consensual or harmful: Even though rough sex is widely accepted, there are times when it crosses lines and turns into something harmful or non-consensual. Examples include doing things without getting express consent, crossing boundaries you have already set, or not honouring the desire to withdraw consent from a sexual relationship. It is critical to recognise these incidents as breaches of consent and personal space.
Since the end goal of every sexual experience is pleasure and satisfaction, it is important to note that people can have that enjoyable and thrilling sexual experiences by learning about and engaging in rough sex within consensual and well-communicated boundaries. For people to honestly explore their desires, certain conditions must be met, including consent, communication, trust, and emotional safety. Everybody’s satisfaction and well-being are further guaranteed by constant communication and awareness of the risks involved in sexual encounters. The secret to having responsible, enjoyable rough sex with another person is to find the ideal balance between adventurous experience and honouring personal boundaries.
Lastly, do what works for you and your partner. Do not be pressured into what you’re not comfortable or ready for.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. The chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
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#tiwa_says; 09161129108 tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
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