The list is becoming endless as more marriages crash further. It is no longer a shame for couples to go their separate ways due to irreconcilable differences. It is very difficult to discuss the topic divorce because marriage is the only institution a certificate is given at the commencement of the union.
It is the legal way of ending a marriage! It is a formal dissolution of a contract between two heterogeneous persons.
According to history, the first recorded divorce in the American colonies was that of Anne Clarke and her husband, Denis Clarke, of the Massachusetts Bay Colony on January 5, 1643 and women are usually the first to initiate a separation for whatever reason. It was alien for couples to even contemplate a divorce, but as civilisation became more prominent, it is no longer foreign in today’s world to initiate legal proceedings to formalise the end of a union.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others. Reiterating the meaning of marriage, any woman intruder or man intruder outside the matrimonial home trying to destroy the marriage is an interloper and busybody to such union.
To safely give meaning to a good marriage, every form of interference must be deliberately avoided. Avoid things that will make your marriage susceptible to public criticism, relatives, friends and anything ugly and undesirable. Your spouse becomes your best friend the day the oat of marriage is taken. I have observed that men sometimes miss this point, and a few women still contact their exes. It is wrong and it is called cheating.
Couples are fearfully and wonderfully made but when matters are not nipped into the bud as it should be dealt with, it escalates more and strife begins to set in and bigger misunderstanding begins to rise.
There are several expectations from both partners in a marriage. Many marriage authors counsel couples not to expect anything from their spouses so that when their partner falls short of their expectations, it will not bruise their heart. But is it really possible not to expect certain goodwill treatment from a spouse? Is it abnormal to expect respect, security, provision, protection, shelter from a husband in a marriage? Or submission from a wife? What could be the biggest and smallest form of expectation from a man in a union? The basics in a marriage is food, shelter and protection. That is the best expectation from a husband to his wife. So there must be an expectation from a wife who is legally married to a responsible man.
As more women become financially independent and more career successful, their husband as a matter of understanding needs to support their spouse so as to create a balance for the union to remain healthy, but instead of the husband to create this balance, more often than not, they begin to compete with their wife. The best thing to do is to keenly keep their wife on a scale and place a positive mindset that the woman must succeed in her field with his help.
With such mindset, trivial issues such as the woman is overshooting will not arise. That she is dating her boss, that she does not cook for him again, that she does not wash his clothes again, that she does not greet him on her kneels since she started earning and travelling more, but to aid the sanity of a wife to succeed in the office and home front.
Before the digital age, gender roles were clearly defined that men work and labour for the home, but as more civilisation has taken place, a woman’s mind has become digitalised and women have become digitalised with time, it is no longer business as usual as more women have become intentionally educated so they can earn money and save themselves from the embarrassment their mothers went through in their marriages.
It is no longer news that every field you find a man, there are also women even in very difficult jobs. You find women also in such field and very successful as well.
Women do not want to only get laid, but they want to be seen as contributing to the family too instead of being chased out from their husband legacy at the demise of the husband or when the man decides not to provide again, the wife will not be left stranded with fear of how to keep up after any unexpected circumstance. Fear and worry of continuity of the family life is what keeps women on their toes to get their own source of livelihood so life will not treat them unfairly if they fail to prepare for life challenges.
Despite all the above reasons, it is only in the case of marriage that partners do not desire changes, but the world grows. There have been improvements in the world. If it was only the man providing before, women should try to give any kind of their support not allowing their husband to labour and die young, the stress has multiplied if one partner fend alone.
They are certain professions that are time proficient. Men preferred their wives to join such jobs so by 2pm, for instance as a teacher, they can be home to attend to the children, but with today’s exigencies, cost of living has become huge so the need of the family is huge, it is better all hands are on deck so the family life can be balanced and the union healthy.
When a woman refuses to be financially responsible to her husband, it is another turn off point for husbands! This particular refusal can make a husband discouraged that despite rendering all the support for the wife, the wife remains adamant to part with certain portions of her income as a rescue for the husband. This is an exception to certain kind of men who marry for exploiting reasons. They marry because they want to share from the wealth of their wife, which is rampant these days! But I am making reference to a genuine husband who wants a temporary raise of funds to complete a project and with his honour return same to the wife. Such adamant refusal from a wife most times create fights in the home. It is very wrong for a wife to sit on her money without stretching out to assist the husband once a while in time of dare emergency.
Who is really the Head of the family? The man has most of all the opinions and decisions to make that makes him a head. So the wife must respect his headship. But for the union to make a meaning, both partners are equal partners to ensure the marriage is balanced and healthy. If every married person understands that for order, a man must try always to show good examples. Do not keep out late every time as a husband and expect your wife to be happy with you. A time will come she will feel unhappy about it. Let the husbands make room for a peaceful coexistence with a lifestyle of moderation.
Domestic violence is a ground of dissolution of marriage. Disagreements are quite inevitable because two persons are not expected to reason the same way, but it is better for spouses to quickly settle their differences and the rest they say is history. Wife do not raise your voice on your husband and husbands do not beat your wife to coma! Instead of doing that, call for help and report her to someone higher than the both of you. The moment you as a man take out your hands on your wife, it is a sign of anger and it is a negative vice in a relationship.
Double dating and infidelity. It does not end in good stories. It will earn the man more children from outside and disease. And for the wife, it will earn her loss of her dignity to be married and date another man. It is very bad. Do not justify it because your husband is dating outside, a woman should date too. Give your time as a woman to more meaningful venture and allow freedom to your husband.
Divorce can be avoided. The argument is failure or an omission for one person who genuinely knew he or she was wrong to humbly apologise. Continue to say the healing words of sorry and intentional never repeat such act that brought the disagreements in the first place.
Side chick’s and baby mamas! What does this mean? It is a fruitless effort. Relationship without a goal produces side chicks and it will boomerang and ruin the marriage. I hear the phrase has become popular! It is a terrible state of affairs. Get married as the twentieth wife, but do not be called a side chick or baby mama!
As a woman you are more dignified to be called a wife and not baby mama. I wish this act ends and let there be more marriages than side chicks raising a stable family. Associations like this breeds emotional disconnection on the children. It is good for children to be known with a present father than an absent father.
If you must divorce, it is not for the wife or husband to announce it to the public. Go your separate ways and keep the dirty details away from the public.
There is so much of wisdom on the part of a husband! A lot of people prepare for the ceremony of the wedding and they leave out a life time preparation. My advice is for intending couples and couples to get books to read about keeping a successful marriage, meet counsellors, expert in marriage to advice, seek for older people who have succeeded in marriage to share their tips and notes of how they have faired in marriage.
Women must from the word go be content with what their husband provide for them. Do not go about flirting with other men to get money from such men. It will boomerang when you do not expect it. Get a job no matter how insignificant, but get occupied with your dignity intact.
Finally couples must talk to keep their relationship vibrant. Communication is key to a good married life. Men should refrain from saving up pornography pictures or nude pictures of other women on their device sent to them, or taking calls of their girlfriends at odd hours so that it will not constitute a strain on the home front.
No partner is smarter than the other. The fact that issues are not raised does not mean the excesses were not noticed. It is all about ensuring peace that is way the other partner decided to look away.
No one can manage two relationship at a time. A man can keep female friends but the wife must know them. And same for the woman. It is better to give credence to your marriage and keep it healthy. Let everyone bring sincerity and trust to the burner of marriage. It will make a difference.
I have seen men who are poor with managing their ego. They go from telling one lie to another to cover up a wrong deed despite when it is clear that their own action is the barrier against the relationship .
As much as they are gender roles, please the men must be responsible and take their marriages with seriousness. Giving time to family life will strengthen the relationship.
. Lilian Mabeek is a writing enthusiast who enjoys to captivate her readers with everyday happenings or experiences as it best soothes each person, having similar and peculiar reactions and interaction with daily life occurrences. As an inspirational writer focused on indelible prints of positivity of the minds on anyone reading a line or pages as it were, she prefers not to delve into negative stories or publications, but rather intentionally purges the minds of readers to awaken to a beautiful world where endless joy is found and possibilities exist. For Mabeek, her purpose is to bring peaceful memories, coexistence and friendliness to the mind of anyone who reads her daily digest. You can describe her choice of expression as a daily English usage for better comprehension among readers of all educational qualifications. Mabeek’s passion for writing was borne out of ensuring that anyone reading any publication will find pleasure, humour, laughter and an appreciation of whatever is being written about, but ultimately avert stress, anxiety, depression and any form of life challenge. As a social commentator and public relations consultant, for her the pen is a tool to the heart of the society, bringing public enlightenment that it pays to focus on positive narratives and creating a greater image for Nigeria.