I am a firm believer in nonconformity. I believe life is not a one-way street. There may be one goal and one destination, but there are different paths. It is important though to stay on your lane and follow your path.
As enticing as someone else’s path may seem, you shouldn’t venture into it. You may get lost, discouraged and waste a lot of time.
Simply because it’s not your path. It may be the right way but it may not be right for you. Our purpose in life is not to follow in each other’s footsteps (there’s nothing wrong with that though, sometimes), but to each chart a course for ourselves. Trust me. The world is big enough.
Find your individuality and thrive in it. It may seem like a daunting task in the world we find ourselves in today where people frown at change or any form of deviance. Still, life is for living and what is the essence of living if you can’t explore?
I know some people are already wondering what I’m on about and some others have crucified me in their minds. Having concluded that I must be talking about sex. Well, let me point out here that exploring does not start and end with sex. Life is a journey. And when one is on a journey, part of the things that make it worthwhile is exploration. Discovery of new things. Things to make the journey worthwhile and memorable because at the end of the day, that is what we will be left with: Memories.
However, my emphasis at this time is on sex. Sex is a journey. And it is so much more than the traditional “penis in vagina”. The more you know and do, the better it gets. A lot of times, people complain their sex life is boring. And then I ask: Have you talked about it? What have you tried?
It is shocking to know that there is still some shame in talking about sex. Even for married couples. The reason remains a mystery to me. Not in this age where sex is practically thrown at our faces and every corner you turn there is some sort of sexualization going on.
Still, you will need to step out of your comfort zone to have a fulfilling sex life. To do this, you have to trust your partner enough to feel free to share your desires and needs with them. This is a big deal for most people because it demands a level of confidence in your partner. Knowing you won’t be judged or ridiculed when you are forthright about what you want.
Mindset plays a key role here. Some of the reasons some people shy away from talking about sex and even enjoying it for what it is stems from some learned beliefs and upbringing. There are still some folks who believe sex is just for procreation. Any other thought is seen as an aberration.
Even much worse is the thought of women owning their sexuality and taking charge of their pleasure. It is disturbing that as enlightened as the world is today, some men still view women as sex toys to be played with, to be seen and not heard. In their view, women are not supposed to talk or even play an active role when it comes to sex. She is just supposed to lie there and take whatever is being done to her. A woman who voices her needs and desires is seen as wayward and promiscuous.
This is very limiting for both parties, I dare say. When a woman is more expressive during sex, it’s an added pleasure for both parties. The man is satisfied, the woman is satisfied and everyone is happy.
These are some of the blockers standing in the way of a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual journey for some people. Nevertheless, if you feel like your sex life has become a boring repetitive movie and you will like to spice things up by exploring, here are a few tips that can help:
– The first and most important thing is that you shouldn’t compare yourself with anyone. Let me reiterate that what works for someone else may not work for you. Your sexual interests do not have to align with everyone else’s. If you and your partner don’t have any enthusiasm for trying kinky stuff like role play, etc, the good news is that you don’t have to. An open mind is a great asset in the bedroom, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to play by others’ rules. Do what works for you, as long as you both agree and you are having fun.
– Try new things. Doing the same thing day in and day out kills the excitement and makes your sex life boring. This is why some people say “sex is no fun”. I usually tell such people to speak for themselves. You can only speak to the extent of what you have experienced. And your knowledge determines your experience. You can’t determine whether a book is a good read just by reading the first chapter. So by all means, let’s indulge and explore. There’s so much more to sex and there are so many ways to derive pleasure than “poking and being poked”.
– Communication is the driver. All of life’s existence is centred around communication. You really can’t move forward without it. Be open about your needs and desires. Tell your partner what you want and how you want it. Share your fantasies and kinks. Your relationship is meant to be your safe space, don’t hold back. You have a role to play when it comes to how your sex life should function. Be proactive in what makes you feel like your best self.
– Explore alone. There is nothing wrong with spending time by yourself getting to know your body and discovering your pleasure points. This can be very beneficial for your relationship with yourself and others. You not only will feel more at home and confident in your body.. which may help you to open up to others easily, but being familiar with your pleasure points will make you a better tour guide when you connect with your partner.
Finally, I know stepping out of your comfort zone can sometimes be intimidating, but you can take it one day at a time. No need to rush things. The more trusting you are of your partner, the easier the journey will be for you. Bon voyage.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. Chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
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#tiwa_says; 09032331388; tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.