Sex is fun and it is something both parties enjoy. Whether you have it on the first date or on the tenth date, it doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t make you less worthy. Though society can be judgemental about having sex outside of what is acceptable.
Truth is that there are no hard and fast rules. If you are feeling the chemistry, you should go for it. With consent of course.
At this age and time, a lot women still believe that if they have sex on a first date, they’ll automatically be labeled “cheap” or “not marriage material”. Ironically, men struggle with this as well. Some men believe that if they have sex on the first date, it’s a signal to the other person that all they want is sex, which may not necessarily be true.
Many women believe that sex on a first date can jeopardise a potential relationship. Others believe that delaying sex will encourage men to stay longer and strengthen the love between them.
Times are changing. You and your date should be mature enough to discuss these topics openly. Talk about what you want, the kind of relationship too. If at the end of your date, you detect some chemistry, then you can go for it. But it has to be done without any pressure from either party. The keyword here is chemistry: Meaning, feelings have to be mutual.
Thankfully though, these days more people are having sex on the first date largely because of technology, as well as more relaxed attitudes about sex, especially for women.
Experts have said there is no “right time” to have sex with a new partner and going for it on the first date can quickly determine if you want to continue the relationship. The concepts of “don’t give away the milk for free” and “they won’t like me anymore if I give it up too quickly” are old and antiquated.
Although sex on a first date is not usually planned, still here are a few things to keep in mind if you are going to engage in it:
1. Safe sex should be priority. Don’t have sex with someone who refuses to use protection or who is being vague about their sexual status or someone who is pressuring you.
2. Sex is not a tool. f you can’t feel someone’s vibe, never use sex as a tool to make the person like you or to prove a point. If you are having sex on the first date for any reason besides mutual desire, the outcome can lead to regret, resentment and negative beliefs that can affect your overall sexuality. You should not be coerced into having sex, whether you are the female or the male. It should be a mutual decision.
3. Be clear. First things first, before you jump into bed with someone, be clear on what you want: A relationship? A fling? Casual sex? So you can both make informed choices and be honest about your expectations.
There are some benefits to having sex on the first date. These include:
a. It helps to establish chemistry. Usually, it takes time to figure out if someone is right for you. But every once in a while, you meet someone and you just know. So what’s the point of wasting time? If you really like someone, you shouldn’t let outdated dating rules get in the way of that.
b. You get sex as a bonus. If you both are attracted to each other, why fight it or put off the pleasure? And if you’re not as into them afterwards, you only accelerated the inevitable end. Waiting to get intimate wouldn’t have changed your lack of interest following sex.
c. It can help you figure out if you both are a good match. In fact, having sex on the first date can show you if you two are compatible sexually. Since sex can be such a large part of a romantic relationship, learning this early on can help you figure out if you want to continue the relationship or not.
Ultimately, the choice is yours (and your date’s). Some people don’t mind having sex on the first date, while others prefer to wait. Both options are valid.
With benefits also comes downsides, here are some:
a. Leading the other person on. If both partners are looking to have fun, hook up and part ways, then that’s fine. But if she’s looking for something serious and you’re not (or the other way round), then that’s another story altogether. Post-sex expectations can be painful if both parties aren’t on the same page
b. First time sex is not always so great. Even if you’re super attracted to your date, the sex still might not be great, simply because you both don’t know what the other likes in bed. If this happens, you might be more likely to write the other person off when in truth, all you guys really needed was more practice.
c. You might do something you don’t want to do. There’s a stereotype that guys are always interested in having sex with women all of the time, but this is not always the case. When you’re in the heat of the moment, you’re trying to figure out your policies, belief system and what you will and won’t do. Figuring all those things in that moment is not an instant calculus. When there is doubt and when you think: “I’m not going to say NO and ruin the evening or upset my date, but I’m not totally into this,” it may just end up being: “I will give in and bid my time.” And that’s not consent.
d. It can cloud your judgement. Once you get intimate with someone, you might be tempted to look past red flags or deal breakers. Having sex right away can speed up the relationship a bit, and it takes away the initial “get to know you” portion of dating. Sex on the first date definitely isn’t a bad thing, but if you’re trying to take things slow, it might not be the way to go.
Finally it is important to know that communication is key and I’m talking of honest communication between partners. Ultimately, if it feels right and if you’re open and truthful about what you want, then go for it. If not, there’s no harm in waiting. Whichever way, outdated societal norms should not influence your decision.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. Chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
Watch out for my YouTube channel.
#tiwa_says; 09032331388; firstname.lastname@example.org.