When is the right age to start having sex?, by Anurika Onyelemelam

This week, I went round. I asked when people think is the right age to start indulging in sexual activities.
I got myriad of responses.
Some funny…a few downright unrealistic ones… if I may say so.
I however discovered that everyone and I mean everyone, expected a girl to attain a certain age before having intercourse, but nothing is wrong in a boy banging every Susan, Iyabo, Amina or Nkiru that he comes across, irrespective of his age.
Can you beat that?
When I asked why the focus was so much on ladies, when the discussion was on youths (girls and boys), a woman answered that it was because girls are at a disadvantage when it comes to sex.
A girl has intercourse with a guy…they both thrash the bed post and bed sheet to nonsense…as their legs flail at different directions, sweat and holy water are poured and mixed in happy wedlock.
The mixed fluid, thanks to the guy’s active holy water, takes root…pregnancy comes into the picture, the joy of sex is forgotten, fear, bitterness set in.
She probably leaves school to have the baby or worse, goes for an abortion.
But the guy? He could very well go on to bang another babe while the current one is in evacuation theatre and table.
There is a 90 per cent chance that he will continue with his education, uninterrupted. The pregnancy, another nasty, dirty experience, soon wiped off the slate of his memory. But the girl bears the pains, stigma and bleak future if she’s not of a strong character.
You are probably wondering when I first had my first sexual experience.
Well….I actually don’t like telling this story…but I will tell you guys. You’re my pals, abi?
Well…hum… let’s see…yes, I was in my early twenties when I first saw a guy’s one-eyed snake.
(The manhood of mad men that I’d seen on the streets of Lagos is ruled out here!)
I was still in my early twenties when I first touched it. Ugg!
Even now, I still recollect that day like it was yesterday.
He was such a handsome son of a gun! Ha, I don’t mean the snake O…I meant the guy. Silly!
But as a guy’s snake goes or looks anyway, I think his was pretty handsome.
Well, the first time I saw it, was not the first time I ate it. Nay, it was not!
The first I touched it… it jumped in my hand. I jumped back too in fright.
(Stop guessing…I was fully clothed! Why didn’t you just ask me straight out if I was naked, instead of making faces and wagging your brows wickedly at me?)
The guy laughed like one in great pain. He told me it won’t bite.
Who was he kidding?
The thing seemed to have a life of its own! Of course it has a life silly!
Then it cried its usually first tear drop…oh, why was it sad?
Nay, I heard then it was happy tears…tears of expectations!
But it was slippery.
(Ugg! I thought)
I had enough for that day.
For long I didn’t eat it. I was already working on my second job, when I finally ate it. It was not palatable to say the least. I suffered bitter indigestion.
Will you like to hear about the first time? Okay, it started…what did you say? Wait! Somebody is saying something…Oh, I’m so sorry, she said she’s not interested.
Look at her!
She’s yawning…oh, boring! Boring!
I’m a sucker for people’s feelings; let’s leave the gist for another day.
I hate boring people. But if you’re interested in hearing it, please don’t hesitate to let me know.
You know how to reach me…
Okay, listen to the few people I spoke with on what is the right age to start having sex. Bear in mind that most of these people are parents. It’s amazing!
One: (She’s a mother of one). Very pretty and a police officer. She’s a typical Nigerian, answering question with question) Do we really have any right age to start having sex? (She shot back at me… looked at me like I was a great insect to be dissected…Haba, what is so strange about this question?) I don’t think there is an age for that. Once you’re matured enough, you can start having sex. You know what is good enough for you. Sex is fun anyway! Before (ancient days, she meant), a girl can get married at the age of nine and start having sex right then. My friend married at the age of nine, she’s Hausa. Today, she has six children and she’s just 26. I’m even older than her. People can start at any time but I know that this Child Right Act is affecting and hindering a lot of people from indulging in sex at a particular age. Check out these secondary school girls…they are sexually active. You wouldn’t believe how many of them have had several abortions. So what are their ages? Did you say church? (She smiles cynically) I come from a staunch Christian home. Our parents used to wake everybody in the house by 5am for morning devotion. If you’re not at home for the night prayers, the whole family will wait for you. We always pray together. We do night vigil from night to morning, but there’s this my sister; she does not go out. She’s always at home, but I tell you, that she’s hotter than any of us in bed. And she’s just 18!
She had had at least two abortions. I went to a secondary school once with a friend, whose child was attending the school. The school was having a party. I saw the way the girls were dancing. I tell you those girls knew more than some of us so-called adults.
Two: (She’s an evangelist). The right time to have sex is when you’re married, which is according to the bible standard. The bible says marriage with the bed undefiled is honourable. I agree with the bible school of thought, because every other school of thought may be fact, but facts do not last long. Truth at the end of the day will swallow up fact. (Where you a virgin, when you got married? Without batting an eyelid, she replies) No! I was not, but immediately I knew God, I stopped fornicating. I never had sex until I got married. It’s better to wait until you’re married, instead of jumping from one man’s bed to another. It will save a girl from STD. HIV/AID and abortion. The right way to impact this idea of sex before marriage is to start from home, with the children. When you bring the kids up in the right way, they will not depart from it. No matter how little your daughter is, start telling her that she should not allow any brother, uncle, cousin, male person to touch her front or back ‘bumbum’. I personally don’t allow any male person, whether brother, cousin or uncle to bath my girl child or sleep in the same room with them.
Three: (He’s a young preacher. Yet unmarried, but passionate about his beliefs). There’s no amount of preaching that may deter a youth from indulging in sex, except instilling the fear of God into the person. I know a lady that has repeatedly turned down sexual advances because she says she fears God. In fact, the man who wanted to marry her left her because she refused to yield to him. She said he was not her husband or else he would have understood. She believes her husband will still come. The bible says if you can’t hold or control yourself, you should go and get married (What about male teenagers whose hormones start acting up, who start having wet dreams. Do they too have to marry at their ages? Tough question for our preacher? He smiles). These youths need words of encouragement from their parents (Ha, what sort of encouragements?) The parents need to counsel them. Parents really need to work, tell these youths that if they indulge in sex before marriage, they’ll die! (Haba, aren’t we being a bit dramatic here?) Parents should watch out for peer group too. The power of peer group matters in a youth’s life. Once their friends had done this or that, they too want to try it. You will later hear them saying: ‘I didn’t want to do it, but it was my friend that made me do it.’
Four: (She’s yet unmarried). I don’t think there’s any particular age to start having sex. If you think, you’re matured and think you can handle it, you’re free. Even if you’re 30 and you feel you’re not matured enough to handle sex, then you have to wait until you’re ready because it has consequences. If you’re 12, 13 or 15 and you think you can handle sex, go right ahead. It’s basically a think of the mind.
Five: (She’s lovely to behold. She works with Television Continental. Her marital status? Call me if you want her address or phone number). If you say right age for sex, I don’t know. But for me, 18 is the max. By then you’re ready and responsible. If you become pregnant, you know what it takes to become a mother. Also in case of anything, medically, you won’t have tear if you get pregnant and have a baby, unlike the little girls at North.
Six: (Mother of three). I didn’t have sex until I was 21. It depends on most girls. Some want to go into it early, others want to wait. If it wasn’t for the home I was staying, I would have gotten married a virgin. I did it after I got my Diploma and it was because of my friends. They lived and breathed sex, sex.
Even after I did it, I hated it. For a very long time, I didn’t do it again. After I did it, I asked myself, what the heck is all the noise about, when it’s so painful? These days, I see secondary school girls indulging in sex and I wonder. Sex at whatsoever age also depends on the environment a child grows up. Environment plays a major role.
Seven: (A married man, father of one. He said he didn’t feel like granting interview…but when asked why people automatically talk about girls in the question of the right age for youths to start having sex, he smiles). It’s simply because boys don’t have sex, they f…k! Most girls will tell you that she and a guy made love, but a boy will tell you that he banged nonsense out of her today.