The perfect clandestine affair? (2), by Anurika Onyelemelam

But personally, I know that some people go into such affair for the fun of it. The thrill of eating the forbidden fruit and not being caught. The hide and seek game simply turns them on.
Some men and women go into it because they are sexually bored with their legal partners at home. Some men will tell you that varieties are the spice of life. Why keep eating amala and ewedu when you can change your diet by eating vegetable soup?
Sometimes, it could be that a woman is married to a guy who is a monkey in bed. He knows absolutely nothing about how to please a woman in bed. There are a lot of men like that! I’m ashamed to say that a good number of men don’t even know what foreplay is. They only know how to untie their wives’ wrapper from her waist and jump on her like agama lizard, falling down from a wall. They push their irritating and painful sticks into her. The sugar stick becomes the bitter stick.
Whether she’s wet, ready or not is immaterial to them. And when he comes forth, he pours his holy fluid recklessly into his woman’s crevice and then turns to the other side of the bed and starts snoring his stupid head off.
Please for crying out loud, tell me why such a woman wouldn’t seek another lover? Yeah, I heard you…she should tell him what to do…but these sort of men always feel macho and are on ego trip. They wouldn’t want to know or believe they are doing something wrong. They just wouldn’t want to learn! Tell them to finger a babe, something even a 15-year-old teenage boy can do with eyes shut, they end up bruising the babe. They rub the clitoris like they are using sandpaper to smoothen a wooden bench! Monkeys I tell you! To finger a clit, you need to be gentle and only increase the tempo as the babe starts panting and twisting. Her body language is a compass to guide and help a guy to navigate to the shore of orgasm.
Some people go into such an affair because they are ‘unhappily married’. They stay on in the marriage because of the kids or because they don’t know how to start all over again. Perhaps age is no longer on their side. To beat the unhappiness and depression, they seek another partner outside the marriage.
What about different sexual drives between husband and wife? To some men, going three rounds is just the beginning of his bedmatics, while the wife can go only a round and even at that it is with: “I beg Iya Moriah…jo…jo”
A girlfriend of mine told me that two rounds of sex was just a warm up for her. She can’t and wouldn’t ever marry a guy that didn’t have the stamina to brave several rounds, she said.
One man’s macaroni is another man’s worm. Imagine such a lady as my friend, it may be only a matter of time before she begins to feel sexually frustrated and unsatisfied if she gets married to a one round of sex kind of man.
The same goes for men. I have a friend whose husband used to pour forth before she’s even wet. Today, she’s scouting around for a lover. When I told her to discuss her sexual frustration with her husband, she said he wouldn’t listen, that she was tired of discussing it. She told me that it was so bad that she even begs him to use his finger or tongue to make her come, but he wouldn’t. The selfish bastard! He had attained his own cloud nine and didn’t give a dung shit whether his wife is okay or not. Life is tough!
And still others go into it because of loneliness. You’d find a young pretty lady, left alone for years by a husband who had gone overseas to make money. Some men leave their wives for as long as five, six years without sex. Are they crazy or something?
Haba, my brother, what are you saying…stop whispering to me…say it loud, let others hear it! I will tell them. He said she should be masturbating. Afterall, the guy went overseas to work because he wanted to give her and the children the best.
Listen, most times, women just want their husbands to be there for them. Some of these men have already discovered the green pasture, mow it to brown patches and stacked it in a barn, yet they still use the excuse that they are still trying to settle down, to keep staying overseas. The truth is that most of them are married to white women and will leave the Nigerian woman here. They fear the oyinbo wife than the Nigerian one.
A lonely wife, denied of sex for long, will soon start craving and searching for it. May God not allow her to do it with their gateman or driver, Amen! I mean, there’s a stage she gets to, she’ll say: “There’s no different between the candy bars of a gateman, to other men…” and make do with that of a gateman.
Just as women get lonely and horny, so do men. You wouldn’t believe that some silly women travel out of the country for months, leaving their home and children to their husbands to mind. They even leave the men with a pretty house maid, blessed with a Mount Venus figure. And you expect him not to nibble? Please grow up sister! You forget that ‘P…s no go school and no get sense!’ Any female cunt it sees after living in denial of sex for months, it will say, ‘Yes ma! Yes ma!’ just to burrow into that warm and wet crevice.
There may be other sundry reasons for married men banging married women, but this is as far as I go. I’m beat!
Let me talk to Frank Mba now one on one. Listen Frank, there’s nothing like perfect clandestine affair. No matter how neat it looks or sounds, there’s always a loophole somewhere.
Do you know that a married man or woman could become emotionally attached to each other to the extent they might both walk out of their marriages? The fall out of such affairs is that some times, the man or woman might fall in love with the sex partner and out flies the rules. This love might not be reciprocated by the partner – guy or babe – involved in this relationship. We now have a problem on our hands. For the one in love will do anything and everything to make sure the other belongs to him/her. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. The person might resorts to juju. The end justifies the means.
You guys still remember the story I told you happened in Bariga, Lagos State. Married woman banging a married man. The man became so much in love with her and her prowess in bed that he begged her to leave her husband. He promised to make the world her footstool, but she refused. She told him that though she was fooling around with him, she loved her husband. When next she came, he planted magun on her, she went home, fulfilled her bedroom duty to her husband and the poor sod died. The lover wanted her only to himself and took out the stumbling block on the path of his crazy desire.
What about the story of the lady I told you about? Yes, the one that got a job at a company and discovered that her ex-lover was also a staff there. He was married, she was married, but he still wanted the affair to resume after they had lost contact for years and married different people.
Then the company selected people that will go to Ghana for a seminar. They were among the team. It happened at Ghana. They were banging each other like rabbit. When they came back to Nigeria, the babe reverted back to form. Back to been Miss. Ice Princess.
The guy wouldn’t have any of it. He wanted the banging to continue. When she still refused, he started threatening and blackmailing her. He said he’d spill the bean to her husband. He was willing and ready to destroy her marriage. He said it was more than sex to him. That he loved her to death. He didn’t care if his own wife found out or not. The proof of the relationship was the babe’s pant, which he threatened to show to her husband. He took it on one of the days he went to her hotel room to bang her.
Probably as a memento, souvenir or already planning his game? Anyway, he told her either she plays ball, or he tells her husband. She was in a dilemma.
How does a babe begin to explain to her husband, how her underwear got into the hands of another guy? Perfect clandestine affair indeed! Give me a break Frank Mba!