Sharing bedroom with your spouse, by Anurika Onyelemelam

I don’t get it.
How can you be married and prefer to sleep in separate bedrooms?
There’re so many advantages in sharing bedroom with your spouse. One of the major facts being that it makes a couple to connect physically and spiritually with each other.
I just hate it, when the guy has to call up his wife to come to his room because he feels like balling her!
What nonsense!
What could be more boring than a pre-arranged sex?
What could be more exciting, exhilarating than spontaneous lovemaking? Hum! Very nice!
I can understand a polygamous husband, having a timetable for his wives: Iya Munikat for Monday, Mama Ngozi for Tuesday, Hajia Aminat for Wednesday and so forth…
A polygamous husband has no choice, than to have a bedroom to himself.
Imagine how crowded his bed will be if all the wives decide to share the bed with him.
And if he feels horny during the night, what happens?
Other wives become referees in the bedmatic match between Mr. Polygamy and the lucky, chosen wife?
Awwww…men! That’s so sick!
You know, most marriages do not come with the happily ever after tag, that most couple expect. What we do is to ride with the storm as it comes and hope that we’ll land at shore, safely, still working to make it right.
In the course of working to make it right, part of the storm are differences in opinions, beliefs and principles.
That you’re married doesn’t mean you’ll both suddenly, miraculously begin to agree on everything.
No way! So snap out of it and stop living in a fool’s paradise.
The reality is that conflicts, differences in opinions will come up once in a while in marriage. Yours is to know how to handle it.
There’re however no hard or fast rules in handling these sorts of problems. I however know and believe that for those who have stayed together for over 30, 40, 50 years, there’s a finger of God somewhere in such marriages.
Anyway, when trouble comes, some couple simply resort to cold war. Not speaking to each other. Some men may even stop eating their wife’s food, thus widening the gulf between them.
The point I’m trying to make here is that the bedroom is apparently the best and easiest place to make up.
Oh boy, I just love making up! Have you noticed that whenever you make up with your guy that the lovemaking that day will be something else…like da bomb?
Now, if the babe sleeps in another room and the guy in another, how on earth do they begin to extend an olive branch?
Do we really need to call and gather the in-laws anytime there’s a freaking quarrel between us and our husbands’?
Some even go as far as to invite their pastors. Like the pastors have become a divorce settlement magistrates or judge.
If you’re sharing a bedroom and you lay together, it’s inevitable that you’ll have to talk with one another.
Except of course you guys had decided to bring the relationship to the end of the road.
If both of you turn in your sleep and meet in the middle of the bed, that might also signify the beginning of the breaking of the ice.
I hear what you’re saying, but that seems so out of place in Nigeria’s system of marriage.
Oh, you want to hear what she said?
She said some men/women prefer to sleep in the sitting room while the cold war is on.
And like I replied, it’s uncommon in Nigeria. When we quarrel, we must be mindful of the kids. We should be mindful the words we use and how we behave towards each other.
Little things we do, say…adversely affect our kids. We just won’t know it at that time. Such things are corrosive, growing until it becomes ulcerous and cancerous in their minds. It’s psychological.
Now if the guy/babe prefers to sleep in the sitting room, whereas they used to share a room, it means, he/she is not ready for settlement.
A mere cuddle between couple who share bedroom does wonder for the marriage.
There’re of course couples who sleep in separate bedrooms because one of the spouses can’t share a bed or room with his/her partner due to practical reasons.
Especially in a case where either of them snores.
Phew! I just hate snores…especially snores that can wake the dead.
I won’t be able to sleep a wink, if my partner snores. I know there’re men and women like me.
But does that mean you have to abandon the bedroom to the partner that snores?
There should be a way out of it.
One, you can naturally share the bedroom and every intimate detail that goes with it. If the partner that snores falls asleep first and you find it difficult to go to sleep, you can try moving away, where the snore will not hit your hear drums directly.
Or you can even go to the next room. That is understandable. Than for you and your spouse to, naturally, agree not to share bedroom.
True, as human beings and individuals, we need our privacy, but come on, this is marriage! What sort of privacy can you be talking about?
Dr. Willard Harley and some other psychologists feel that sleeping together is an integral part of any couple’s relationship and it’s a necessary negotiation.
Harley continues: “Furthermore, demanding separate sleep space can be just a sign of people being self-absorbed and afraid of commitment. Marriage requires sacrifice and togetherness, and they see sleeping separately as the ultimate selfish indulgence.
“Some therapists look for underlying reasons that a couple might choose to sleep separately, such as if one party has a problem with sharing or compromise. Sleeping apart can be a sign of emotional distance.”
Just recently, I heard a story that shook me to my very foundation. I’m not saying this happened because the husband and wife were not sharing bedroom. I’m saying this continued and escaped the wife’s attention because she was not sharing bedroom with her husband.
They were said to be young Igbo couple, living at Egbeda.
They have a lovely daughter. She was just two years when her father took over bathing her.
For reasons best known to him, he refused to allow his wife to bath her. Whenever she wanted to go to school or sleeps, he’d been the person to bath her.
The guy and wife sleep in separate rooms. The man started taking his little girl to the master’s bedroom, for her to spend the night with him.
It was such a sweet gesture.
Oh, he loves her so much. Quite the possessive father, isn’t he?
I heard he used to dash from his shop, where he sells baby wears, to go and pick her from school, after closing hours.
This display of fatherly love for daughter continued until the girl was three. Then the man travelled out of Lagos.
He hardly ever travels, even though he was into selling of baby wears.
But then he travelled. The mother had no choice than to give the girl her bath.
As her hands reached her little vagina, the little girl cringes…winced in pains.
What is the matter little girl?
She pointed to her vagina and said Daddy used to touch her there. Of course by three, she was already beginning to talk.
The curious mother took a peep down there, she almost fainted in shock.
The vagina had been damaged due to repeated penetration of manhood!
The woman didn’t know what to do.
She waited patiently until her husband returned.
She confronted him and almost got her ass whipped by the husband.
The guy told her that she had no right to question him on anything he did, had done or was still doing with his daughter.
Can you folks beat that?
He reminded the woman that the girl was his daughter and not any other guy’s. The point here is that the SOB didn’t feign ignorance or deny the accusation.
How sick can a guy get? Shuuusssssh…yes, that’s me, hissing in disgust!
She went to a non-governmental organization. That was where yours sincerely got the gist.
As we’re speaking…talking or typing now, take your pick…the woman had left her matrimonial home, taking the damaged daughter with her.
I began to have problem with her when she balked at allowing the NGO to drag the guy’s rotten ass to court. Not that it would have done any good, thanks to the weak judicial system in Nigeria!
But at least the media would have embarrassed the living daylight out of him!
According to her, she needed to rush down to the East and alert both family members.
And just like most of these sorts of dirty deeds, it’ll die a natural death in the village, I’m sure.
No justice and the vicious cycle continues, with kids who can’t speak for themselves becoming endangered species!
Sleeping together, especially with the lovers, in a spoon fashion also helps to heighten the excitement of the relationship.
I sometimes ask myself if it’s possible for a couple, who live in just two rooms, with the kids, to sleep separately and the answer is no!
Perhaps that’s why many couples, who were considered less privileged, end up having dozens of kids? What do you think?
But then, this is my opinion. You do whatever pleases you and makes you enjoy a good night sleep. I’m just saying, you know….