So there I was trying to mind my business and my ice cream at a snack bar the other day when three men walked in. They were full of life and looked to be in their prime, probably in their 30s.
They were loud, talking and laughing boisterously. I felt like they were making an extra effort to be seen and heard.
Anyway, that’s not the gist. What caught my attention was the fact that as they were engaged in their little show, two pretty well-endowed ladies walked into the bar and suddenly these men turned their attention to them. I could hear their excited and vulgar remarks from where I sat.
One of the men walked up to the ladies and engaged them in a conversation, smiling all the way. I noticed that he paid for their snacks and was able to get their phone numbers.
Now, I was interested: What is it with men and boobs and ass? About 15 minutes later, three other ladies walked and headed straight to the men.
They exchanged pleasantries and hugs. It was obvious these were their wives or girlfriends. The interesting thing is that none of these ladies had big boobs or asses for that matter. This got me wondering…. I would have expected their women to be full-bodied just like the women who just left the snack bar.
Which begs the question: What do men want? It is my opinion that these men will go ahead to marry their nice-looking intellectual girlfriends, but still go chasing their “fantasies”, being the full-bodied women on the side.
Why can’t men just marry their “spec” so to say and be happy instead of philandering? The downside of making a life choice with someone you don’t find sexually attractive can be very detrimental and could even bring an end to the relationship.
This brings me to the topic of sexual attraction in relationships, especially marriage, because that is supposed to be long-term. I have heard a lot of married men say that they are not attracted to their wives. So why marry her?
Some responses include: oh she got pregnant, so I had to marry her. Others say: I was ready to marry and she was available, while some say she was “wife material”.
Unfortunately all these qualities are not enough to keep the marriage going. Some have resigned their fate, others have “substitutes” elsewhere. Believe me, women are not left out in this regard. They have just chosen to resign their fate for the sake of their children.
So what exactly is sexual attraction? It is the attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or show sexual interest in another person.
It is easy to confuse sexual attraction for love because both are strong emotions and while you can be sexually attracted to someone you love, it is also possible to be attracted to someone you don’t love.
Couples that are physically attracted to one other have a hard time keeping their hands off each other because intimacy comes naturally to them. It’s a lot more difficult to show affection to someone you are not attracted to.
It will be quite challenging to have a healthy sex life if there’s no sexual chemistry between partners. This can result in a partner turning down sex, which will eventually take a toll on the physical and emotional well-being of the other partner. This can make the partners seek physical intimacy elsewhere.
It is a fact that sexual attraction alone cannot sustain a romance in the long term, but it is a very important ingredient and the absence of it can handicap a relationship. Yet sexual attraction can be misleading, desire can sometimes corrupt our sense of reasoning and impair our judgment.
Here are some signs to show that both partners are sexually attracted to each other:
The way you act around each other
You’re both sensitive to any physical contact or subtle touching
You both respond to touch by leaning in or getting closer
You always wind up next to each other when you’re in group settings
Your hugs last longer than with other people
Your voices change when you talk to each other
Couples who are attracted to each other will always be leaning in closer than the rest of the people as they share more intimate chemistry.
Effects of lack of sexual attraction:
A lack of sexual attraction will result in an unsatisfactory sex life because attraction is what fuels sexual desire
A lack of sexual attraction also makes physical displays of affection like hugging and kissing almost impossible.
Lastly, studies have shown that sexual attraction can be built over time, but it takes a lot of conscious effort. When you take the time to think about the things you like and desire about your partner, feelings will grow and develop.
It is important to know that sexual attraction between partners can be lost, even with those couples who once found each other sexually attractive. Some of the reasons for this could include:
- A loss of interest: when there’s a loss of interest in a relationship, the sexual attraction also dies.
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Childbirth: sometimes when a woman loses shape due to childbirth she becomes unattractive to her partner.
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Dissatisfaction with sex life: if either or both partners are not pleased with their sex life, they begin to lose the attraction they once had for each other.
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Loss of libido: a loss of libido can affect the sexual attraction between partners.
In all of this, communication remains key. Talk to your partner about your concerns to find a solution even if it involves therapy.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Let’s meet tonight (Friday) in the chatroom. If you want to be a part of it, send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says. Chatroom opens at 10pm every Friday.
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#tiwa_says; 09032331388; tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
