A guy wrote to me, insisting it was impossible to keep balling same lady/wife for the rest of his life.
When I read his mail, I was shocked.
We have to try and fight temptation. Anybody can be tempted into infidelity. There’s no way however you can’t stay or ball same guy or babe for the rest of your life.
All one needs is discipline.
I have always told people that it’s never a crime to lust after a guy/babe that is not your legal spouse. It becomes a crime when you give in to that itch.
My friend loves her husband to nuts. You can tell from the way she looks at him. It’s in her eyes, her smile. Yet she came to me one day with a gloomy face.
Her face looked like a two-day fufu that had gone sour.
My heart skipped a beat. I tried to help her relax and slowly the story came tumbling out, howbeit, reluctantly. If Nigerians could blush, I’m sure her face would have gone through myriad of colours.
It was in her office: a certain good looking hunk of a guy that used to come around to ask for her boss was making her heart do some makosa dance tricks. Anytime the guy comes, she experiences shortness of breath, feels shy and gets all fidgety like a teenager that is hearing her first love song from a ‘toaster’.
So what is the problem with chatting with a guy that you find attractive?
I thought it was a good question. But she gave me a dirty look that clearly stated I ought to have my head examined.
Yeah, so what else is new?
All my friends know and appreciate the fact that I DON KOLO.
She cried woefully: “Julie, I have a man, but I keep imagining making love with this guy. It’s embarrassing! I’ve taken a a decision. I’ll start avoiding him.”
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t want to make a mockery of a situation she obviously found very trying.
I tried to tell her that there was no harm in lusting after a guy that is not her husband.
Personally, it simply means that you’re alive and your sexual hormones are active.
Look, let’s face it: Even Jesus was tempted when that jaguda called Lucifer attempted to force Him to feed on a bread that He didn’t and never asked for.
But you and I know that Baba Jesus was very hungry at that point in time. Even at Gethsemane, the trial was too much for him that He broke down.
But the point in the whole story is that He didn’t back down or else I really don’t know what would have become of the world today.
Like my friend Musa-Daddy will always say: “Carry over in universities is not for spirits, but students!”
Thus temptation are for you and me. We just have to fight and crush it before we fall shakata like Mrs. Eve of the garden of Eden.
Take me for instance: everyday I’m sexually tempted… nay, that’s too drastic. It makes me sound like I’m a sex pot.
Let’s try another line… Most times, I get sexually tempted. I lust after men that are not my husband, but to the glory of God, I’ve not yet fallen.
I strongly believe in marriage vows and feel bad sometimes about bedeviling feelings.
But hey, I’ve passed that phase of feeling guilty for a sin I never even carried out. If I still remain steadfast and didn’t fall, I get to proudly boast and beat my chest that ha, I never fall even in the worst trails of sexual hunger. Don’t think I’m rambling, I’m not.
I just want you guys to know that you can truly keep to one sex partner.
Our parents did. Or did they?
And if in marriage you begin to feel dissatisfied sexually, know and believe it in your heart that it’s just a phase. A sort of bad nightmare that you’ll wake up and laugh over.
When that emotional sexual feeling comes upon you, just visit your database of memory of your spouse. Remember the sweet times and let the bad aspect keep mute. You can do it. We can do it. Remind yourself the million reasons you shouldn’t cheat.
We’re all in this together.
There’s nobody who had not at one time cheated on his spouse just through imagining sex with another person. Sex has and will always be at the bottom of almost all marital problems, divorce and separation. But just tell yourself that you’ll give the marriage the best you’ve got.
Sometimes, you have sex with another, not because you don’t love your partner but due to uncontrollable desire for this guy/babe.
In marriage, there’s a point or phase you both reach and sex will become lacklustre whether your husband/wife bang with you, doesn’t bother you anymore.
And even you no longer bother to go through the routine…. God, it’s now a routine you end up having it. Mama and Papa style. What most people called missionary style. You’ve both dried up on ideas and innovation on bedmatics.
Your sexual life has become an ordeal, rather than pleasure. You now have sex, rather than make love. You now spend less than 30 minutes for banging, when before you use to spend hour on foreplay before plunging into the imperial act.
What went wrong? Where and when did things start disintegrating? Both of you can still retrace your steps. Communication is the bed rock of a solid and wonderful marriage. Don’t and never kid yourself that marriage is 24 hours rosy. It’s a lie!
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