Sex in car: Conduct likely to cause…., by Anurika Onyelemelam

Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes O….that’s me laughing my head off…police in Nigeria are a very funny lot.
There’s nothing you do which doesn’t have or can’t be construed to be an offence.
Even if you sneeze, they can charge you for it…
Find you strolling at night… charge you with wandering…they stop your car and you didn’t give kola, you’ll be shocked to discover all the offences they can trump up against you.
Don’t dare a policeman!
I remembered an incident…a journalist went to a club with his babe. And just like that, they wanted to have it…right there and then…
Who can understand the whims and caprices of passion? Once it grips you, you want to satisfy it.
It’s only a few disciplined persons like me….yes, like me and I’m being modest at that….
As I was saying, it’s only a few disciplined persons, who can fight for control…to stem that devilish passion, roaring to let loose and soar at that particular time!
Oh! Passion is difficult to control, especially if you’re with the right guy/babe. Somebody you so much want to tango with.
It’s because of passion that a lot of people end up having sex without condom and when the result comes out in a few months time, they begin to cry…crying like they didn’t know banging without condom could lead to anything.
Anyway, agro caught the two love birds unaware. They went into the car to smooch…like smooching could stem passion…fat chance of that happening!
What did you say?…Oh, he’s asking what is agro? Please don’t tell me that you too don’t know what agro is. I can’t believe it! Incredible!
Well, it’s a slang we use in Ajegunle, Lagos State. It means uncontrollable sexual hunger for each other. That incomprehensible desire to have sex, right there and then…you want it and you want it bad!
You and I know that smooching can only heighten the sexual needs, building the passion to a powerful crescendo…increasing the ocean in the babe’s fortress…while making the guy’s soldier to be at attention, with veins and all that standing on end.
Smooching makes the body to throb in need…it makes the blood to boil and the heart beat to pump erratically in sexual expectations.
Except of course the babe wants to suckle the soldier’s head to submission…or the guy wants to finger the babe’s nub to sharp relief…
I agree that might help…but don’t you ever go fooling yourself that smooching will give you both relief! Nay!
Anyway, the journalist and his babe got caught by agro…they left the club and went into their car. After driving for a while, they stopped somewhere around Mangoro area in Lagos State to give way to their feelings.
It was past midnight…they certainly weren’t expecting anybody, let alone flashing torch lights of curious policemen, with their faces pressed hard against the slightly wound up windows.
Oh yes, you certainly got the picture…perhaps it was the moaning in the car that alerted the policemen or something else…Anurika Onyelemelam doesn’t know.
The bottom line was that policemen approached the car and started flashing their torch lights like crazy.
Our journalist friend tried to tuck his marauding snake into his pulled down trouser, while his babe fought to hide two peeping nipples back into her brassieres.
Needless to say, the policemen got an eyeful. The lovers’ eyes were as round as saucers…surprised…shocked…embarrassed.
They looked like two kids caught playing naughty adult games!
The cops slammed the lovers with…get ready for it, I’m already laughing…Ha!Ha!Ha!…yes, oh gosh!
They slammed them with conduct likely to cause breach of peace! Breach of peace ke? Na wetin be that one?
As if that was not enough, they added “…causing public nuisance.”
Kai, Nigerian policemen sure do know how to come up with trump up charges.
The way they used to come up with these charges, you’d think they too don’t fondle in cars.
We all do it. Don’t we? We must all have done it at a point in time. Abi?
If you check well, you might discover that a good number of policemen had even banged in cars!
I don’ t have anything against romancing in a car, but to bang…forget it!
Don’t like it for the simple reason that a car will hamper my ‘bodily and legily movements.’
Yes…yes…you know what I’m talking about…
Imagine how cramped it will be, when you feel the passion begins to build and you want to throw your legs to angle 90, for better entry of the guy’s JT.
It could be frustrating, I tell you!
So, no sex in car for me. Thank you sir!
Yeah, I draw a line there.
So many people especially get into their cars and feel they’re in a world of their own. They want to do anything and everything in the car.
Some of them are perverts! Yes, take that to the banks!
Do you guys still remember the story I told you about my friend Faith?
She works in Ikeja. Closing time is usually rush hour. Rush hours means scarcity of commercial buses…
This car pulled up in front of her, asked where she was heading to…bingo! Iyana-Ipaja…they were both heading towards the same direction.
The guy turned out to be a pastor. His car contained a giant bible…it made Faith to relax…Yes, ladies always feel safe with men of God.
They are like teddy bears…you can tell them anything….
But this pastor turned out to be a wolf in sheep clothing…he had not driven too far, when he started trying to slide his slimy right fingers under my friend’s skirt, while fighting to control the steering with one hand…Haba pastor!
There’re so many of them…perverts!
Some of them will ask you to give them a blow job even while they are in motion…you look shocked? Don’t be!
When they ask for such yeye blow job, don’t even try it!
Give who blow job?…you dey mad?…just because the guy has an appointment with accident, doesn’t mean you have to accompany him to keep the appointment!
Let him take his impatient cock to somewhere else!
Imagine there’s an accident, and both of you die and go to meet Baba God…how will you ever be able to look God in the face and tell Him that you died in an accident because your lover or a total stranger lost control as you were giving him blow job, while he was driving….how?
A lot of men now check out cars they want to buy, with an idea of how it will accommodate a sex partner.
I remember when some policemen arrested a pastor on Third Mainland Bridge, after midnight…he was banging a church member in his car…on top of the bridge no less! Nawa O!
A police friend of mine told me that they became suspicion that something funny was going on when they noticed that the car for no reason was dancing makosa.
Turned out the pastor was pumping the woman like there was no tomorrow in the car’s back seat!
They slammed him with…Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes, conduct likely to cause breach of peace…or was it constituting public nuisance?
Abeg, Mr. Policeman, take it easy….you too dey do…
Go after the robbers and criminals and leave these lovers…
Maybe the lovers don’t want to pay for hotel…so what? Maybe the guy is married, so his car is handy….and let’s not forget cheap too.
Check it out, many guys that embark on sex in cars, are married!…I’m ready to argue it till my face turns blue…are you ready to argue with me? Don’t try me, I’ll trash you! Argument is my very strong area!