At the beginning of the year, I had promised that for 12 months, In Shaa Allah, I will once a month X-ray the issues around the forthcoming General Elections in the world’s largest black population and sufacracy. This is number seven, and five more to go.
I have watched the initial gragra of the current candidates for the office of president of the country called Nigeria. All the drama of stinginess and missing certificates. With each week, there is no new story but old stories, same old! Not one of them whether Obidient, Atikulated or the BAT, these men are ridding the frustration of Nigerians.
Most of these men, cannot do what I will do, when I become President—
I am going to become President of Nigeria; it is not a matter of if I win, but a case of when I win. I shall floor Tinubu, beat Atiku, defeat Obi, and dismantle Kwankwanso, in just one abracadabra. In one sweep I will finish the candidates clowning in some 15 other parties. No matter the slide…I will win.
It will be a free and fair election, Nigerians will hail INEC when I resume at the Villa. Trust me plenty people will go to Jail…not for a few months but for life. I will let Nigerians know that whether you are a government thief or armed robber, you are a thief and you will be made a sacrifice for all to see…no plea bargain.
Infact the fear of jail will make you do…the Chinese pill (kill yourself as result of shame). Infact talking of shame, I shall restore shame back to public and national life. That will bring back a sense of accountability and integrity (We wish).
Just so you know now that I am canvassing your votes. There will be no courtesy visits during my tenure. I will be too busy working and sustaining the developments that will come with my administration.
Nigerians will not only experience 24/7 electricity but will also enjoy the honour of formal announcements before power outages via radio and sms. I will reduce the current fuel pump price from N166 to N79. And trust me, more NNPC Mega stations will come on board at almost one per local government.
It will become a criminal offence for government officials to go abroad for treatment of buttocks boils they acquired from looting government treasuries. Public schools will once more become so attractive that no one will feel the need to attend the Bells, ABTI, Covenant and co Universities except by choice.
The word strike will only be operational when dealing with external aggressors. My government will bend MEND by providing quality healthcare, water, access roads and waterway, clear oil spills and ensure a high level of compliance by oil prospecting companies in the Niger Delta.
Infact, I will ensure that Oil is discovered in the North so that everyone can rest. I will banish quota, federal character and ban the use of public funds for pilgrimage to all lands whether holy or unholy.
What I will do to Boko Haram, ISWAP, bandits, terrorists or whatever name will be better imagined that spoken about.
I will de-abujalize Abuja. States will be strengthened according to the capacity and pace of its people, no more cheating, it will be ‘make your money, chop your money’. No more subventions or allocations. This itself will leave responsibility of a great south East in the hands of easterners. All the IPOB nonsense will be a matter of governance.
Governors will in partnership with the National Assembly try so hard to impeach me because I will cancel security votes and then make the position of a legislator a part time job. Leaders will learn to live in fear of failure.
I will ensure that every Nigerian irrespective of creed and religion will work hard to find that milk and honey that keeps flowing only for a select few. My administration will cease to bake cake, we will focus on chin-chin and no more champagnes and wines, rather zobo and kunu will do.
I‘ll restore Nigeria’s pride in sports…our U16 will be boys that are really 14, 15 and 16, not married, shaving stick men with green passports that have false ages. Who said that Nigeria cannot work…I will resuscitate that feel good factor about us. Nigeria will not just be part of the World Cup but will get to the final, boxing, lawn tennis and other sports will breathe again.
I have given it a thought I may as well change the name Nigeria, this is so because it really does not mean much, and holds nothing in meaning for us. We will seek a new name, for the new nation that will metamorphose from the cleansing.
My Nigeria will work, a new Nigeria that will celebrate thanksgiving for a new beginning not waste of resources celebrating failure.
We will be the envy of our neighbours who have lately reduced us to objects of laughter. We will not be the giant of Africa but the heartbeat of the Continent. We will restore pride back to our land.
Children will sing the national anthem again and march past their heroes with pride. Several social vices that bedevil us now will become unproductive. A strong Police that does not require force to function.
Under my administration Nigerians will spend coins again; we will have Nigerians of Ibo extractions, Yoruba ethnic origins and Hausas. Boko Haram will become lazy Haram, because no food for lazy man will be our motto. My administration will learn, borrow and use technology from other lands, not all the current anomaly of Chinese bakery, Lebanese eatery and Indian shops.
In bringing about change 70% of Nigeria that live in ABSOLUTE POVERTY in a population of 200 Million will know that bad roads, hospitals with drugs and schools with no sit, books or teachers does not discriminate whether you are from the North, South, East or West.
I will make sure that the resource curse also known as the paradox of plenty will be cured. There will be no oil wells for sale anymore.
I will win and change will occur because I will pull in the everyday people, who all of a sudden will have nothing to lose and everything to care for.
It is possible that water will run from taps again, that erosion will become a thing of the past, with my administration all these floods, issues of cholera will become confined to the past. My team is on ground, we can do it, you can do it, and I can do it.
Will I succeed, hmmmmmm, I can almost hear that whisper in your heart saying it’s impossible, because I shall be fighting forces both within and outside. It won’t be easy because I‘ll be touching the very core foundation of a system ridden with rot.
And none of the current crop can either because we are yet to treat Nigeria as our business, and not some prodigal orphan, we are just going round in circles, as it is, we are just a people with some personal interests, for now, is there a man with such guts, and who can deliver on this promises above, remains a question—only time will tell.