I was just gisting with my friend, Tosin.
I told her that I remembered vividly how mother called and advised me to be careful with the sort of friends I keep.
Mother was specifically worried that I was becoming too comfy with my friend, Comfort. Comfort is a bombshell, drop dead gorgeous Calabar babe.
Mother is not educated. Nay, but she was keenly interested in education. When she wanted to attend school, her father stopped her. He said her education would end in her husband’s kitchen. Thus she went nowhere, than from her father’s home to my father’s kitchen.
But she’s my mother.
Education or not, I must listen to her, no matter how weird I believe some of her suggestions to be.
So mother told me. I quote: “Don’t you ever make friends with Calabar girls! They’re dangerous!”
“In what way mama,” I asked, truly perplexed.
“Just don’t make friends with them. If you make friends with them, don’t take them to the home of the man you’re engaged to be married.”
The conversation was getting weirder by the minutes. I looked more puzzled than enlightened. If she was going to get me to be careful of something, she ought to do better than that.
“Why? What happened?”
“Listen to me! Don’t ever take a Calabar girl to even your boyfriend’s house! She’ll snatch him from you! They don’t care about people’s feelings. Their parents trained them from cradle on how to bang. If they get your man, forget it, he’ll never come back to you or even look at you again!”
Did you just burst into laughter? Yes O! Exactly what I did!
Wow! Listen to mother, telling me about sex! Mother does not belong to the categories of mother who are comfortable discussing sex with their kids. In fact, if not that she’s dark skinned, you’d find her blushing at the mention of sex.
I still remembered the day I asked her if she used to kiss father hungrily before they make love. You could have heard a pin drop. By the way, mother should be in her eighties now!
Back to today’s discussion.
Mother went to my father’s home a virgin and never knew or tasted any other guy’s sugar stick. Go figure!
Truth be told, mother had never liked any person from Cross River State. For a long time, I didn’t know why. But I knew that whatever happened to make her detest Calabar babes runs more than skin deep.
I’ve a way of worming things out of people. I discovered that talent while I was on National Youth Service Corps scheme in Jigawa State. I was a sounding board for everyone and anybody having relationship troubles. Apparently, whatever I tell them to do seem to work.
Anyway, I wormed the story out of mother. It was sad, it was tragic and it affected her psychologically. It was a tragic play that had three central characters. Mother, father and a sultry, beautiful, supposedly deceitful Calabar lady, whom mother thought, was her best friend. That’s not the story for today shai!
Anyway, as I was telling Tosin the story, I thought she would laugh as hard as I was laughing but she refused to join.
According to her, I should go and thank my mother for giving me expo on Calabar girls.
I looked at her, shocked.
“Do you really believe that Calabar girls steal men from friends?”
“Yes!” snapped Tosin.
She said she was speaking from experience.
Another colleague of ours, chipped in: “Calabar ladies seemed to know everything. They know how to cook and how to…”
Tosin is going to tell me what happened to her. But she’s busy now.
My friend, Comfort, and my boyfriend actually went behind locked doors after mother’s advice.
I never knew about it until my boyfriend told me. Yes, I was shocked but I was not broken. He told me that they only romanced and fingered.
Nothing catastrophic, like he entering or foraging into her holy of holies happened. He said he only wanted to prove a point to me. That Comfort had the hots for him and was always deriding him in front of me because of her desires.
Did I believe him?
Like I had a choice…yeah, for my peace of mind, I believed him. And I didn’t stop being friends with Comfort.
What am I driving at?
It’s utter rubbish to assign a disreputable behaviour to a certain tribe.
This was why I mentioned mother’s educational background. Mother’s emotion is laced with aged old anger over a certain Calabar lady and her lack of education did not help her belief and situation.
When she narrated her experience to her cronies, they had not disabused, rather they told her that was how Calabar babes used to behave.
They are deadlier than green snakes under the green grasses, they claimed.
Anybody, either male or female, could snatch your lover, irrespective of the tribe or state the person comes from.
It’s more of an individual trait, than a tribal thing. I have heard tons of stories, where Igbo, Hausa, Edo, Kogi, Yoruba, amongst other girls from other states, snatching friends’ husbands, lovers and fiancés.
Narrowing it down to just Calabar girls seems myopic to me. How is it possible that babes who are still in cradle are taught how to bang and pleasure a man? I don’t believe it! But mother does. I know she meant extremely young girls, not toddlers, but I still won’t buy it.
Ladies, men, pick up sexual experiences as they grow. It’s part of growing up. I don’t think any parent has the time to start teaching his son or daughter the rudiment of banging.
If you feel Calabar girls know how to cook and bang better than you, and thus you’re scared, you better go and learn how to bang and cook. Or else you would be psychologically damaged, living in fear that someone would take your guy.
Let’s look at the subject matter in another way.
If your guy is snatched, don’t you think you should see it as good riddance to bad rubbish?
A guy, who is ready and willing to bang your friend, doesn’t respect you. You shouldn’t shed a single tear over such an idiot.
In fact, you should thank you Calabar friend, for pulling the wool off your eyes!
If he can cheat on you with your friend, rest assure that he’ll cheat on you even after you guys have exchange marriage vows and said, ‘I do.’
True, you’ll feel hurt, betrayed and stabbed. You’ll feel a gasping, bleeding hole in the region of your heart. But the pains wouldn’t be there forever. Take each day as it comes. And one day, you’ll ask yourself, “What the hell did I see in him anyway?”
Bottom-line: don’t allow your fear to eat you up. It ate mother and makes her have a sickening phobia for Calabar babes.
Don’t allow your fear of what friends tell you or things you hear or believe to cripple you. Calabar girls are not created to snatch your man.
They’re just like you and I. Searching for attention, affection and love from the right guy.
Why, even your blood sister can snatch your guy! Mothers have been known to snatch their daughters’ husbands.
All you need to do is to pray and shine your eyes.
If he’s your guy, fated to be your husband, he wouldn’t allow himself to be ‘snatched,’ by any female, no matter how beautiful the lady in question is…no matter how well she can dance makosa on his manhood and make him scream in wild pleasure. If he’s yours, he’ll come home. Home is where the heart is!
I was just gisting with my friend, Tosin.