Most relationships start off passionately, with a lot of excitement from both partners. But what usually happens is that after a while of being together, especially in committed relationships like marriage, the novelty starts to wear off. Sex starts to become less patient because you have discovered all there is to discover about this person and that element of mystery is no longer there
For many couples in this stage, if intentional actions are not taken to revive the passion, the relationship starts to decline pretty fast.
When sex begins to feel like a chore, it usually means the emotional, physical, or mental connection between a couple is off.
Here are some signs to let you know that Sex has become a chore:
1. You dread it or feel obligated: If you’re doing it out of guilt, pressure, or just to “get it over with,” that’s a big sign something’s up.
2. There’s no excitement or anticipation: If you used to look forward to it, but now it feels like another task on your to-do list, that’s a shift worth noticing.
3. It feels mechanical or disconnected: When it’s just going through the motions, without intimacy, affection, or emotional closeness, it can start to feel like a duty, not a desire.
Also Read:
- Tinubu congratulates Ayo Obe at 70
- CSOs seek probe into alleged abduction, killing of kid in Sokoto
- Anambra: Police invite publisher over report of alleged missing persons
- DSS DG builds, donates modern Islamic school to Kaduna community
- YABATECH Rector charges staff to demonstrate high level of professionalism
4. One partner initiates all the time: If one of you is always initiating and the other is consistently disinterested or reluctant, that imbalance can build resentment.
5. You avoid intimacy altogether: Pulling away from physical closeness (not just sex, but cuddling, kissing, touching) can be a sign deeper issues are brewing.
6. It’s always scheduled and never spontaneous: While scheduled sex can be helpful for busy couples, if it’s only scheduled and feels like an obligation, it can kill the vibe.
7. You feel relief when it’s over: Sex should ideally leave you feeling connected or at least satisfied, not like you just completed a task.
If any of these resonate, it’s time to have a chat with your partner.
There are various reasons why sex can become a chore between couples. Some of there are:
1. Lack of communication: When partners do not openly communicate about their wants, needs, and desires, it can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations, resulting in a feeling of obligation rather than pleasure during sex.
2. Stress and other distractions: Pressures from work, family responsibilities, financial worries, or health issues can take a toll on a couple’s sex life, making sex feel like just another task on the to-do list rather than an intimate connection.
3. Routine and monotony: Engaging in the same sexual routine over time can lead to boredom and a lack of excitement in the bedroom, causing sex to become predictable and unappealing.
4. Resentment and unresolved conflicts: Lingering issues or unresolved conflicts within the relationship can create tension and barriers to intimacy, making it difficult for partners to connect on a deeper level.
5. Low libido or sexual dysfunction: Physical or hormonal changes, stress, or certain medications can impact a person’s libido or ability to engage in sexual activity, leading to a feeling of obligation rather than desire.
To prevent sex from becoming a chore in a relationship, it is important for couples to prioritise open communication, address underlying issues or conflicts, prioritise intimacy and connection, and explore ways to keep the spark alive in their sexual relationship. Seeking help from a therapist can also be beneficial in navigating these challenges and improving sexual satisfaction within the relationship.
When sex starts feeling like a chore, it’s usually a sign something deeper needs attention: emotionally, relationally, or even physically. The good news is, you can reignite the spark. Here are some practical and emotional tips that can help:
1. Talk Honestly (but gently): Create space for a no-pressure, open-hearted conversation. Share how you’re feeling, not to blame, but to reconnect. Use “I feel” instead of “you never” statements.
2. Prioritise Intimacy (not just sex): ometimes, the pressure to perform can drain the fun. Shift focus from sex to intimacy: Cuddling, long hugs, slow kisses, and non-sexual touches. That kind of emotional closeness builds momentum naturally.
3. Break the Routine: Routines kill novelty. Change up the time, place, pace, or mood. Try: A weekend getaway, a surprise date, new fantasies or trying something adventurous (only if both are comfortable).
4. Flirt Again: Remember how it started? Light teasing texts, glances, compliments. Bringing that back can spark anticipation and chemistry.
5. Mind and Body Check: Stress, fatigue, hormonal changes, and body image issues can kill libido. You may need to ask each other these questions:
– Are you both getting enough rest?
– Is stress taking over?
– Could therapy (individual or couples) help?
6. Take the Pressure Off: Sometimes Sex can seem very serious, especially when you are focused on orgasms. Sex doesn’t have to be goal-oriented. Try to explore each other without aiming for orgasm or a specific outcome.
7. Schedule It: I know that might sound unsexy, but planned intimacy can build excitement and it also ensures it doesn’t get forgotten in busy lives.
Finally, sex should be enjoyed and not endured in a relationship. It is important that couples find what works for them to keep the passion alive. No two couples are the same, so what works for one may not work for the other.
And because human beings are continually evolving, what worked last year may not work this year. It is important to keep communication alive in your relationship, so that it is easy to evolve with your changing needs and desires.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel: @Eve’s Desire Show, on YouTube at: @theeagleonlinenigeria
Send me a message on Telegram at: @tiwa_says; WhatsApp: 09161129108; and Email: tiwalolaoke@yahoo.com.
Follow The Eagle Online Channel on WhatsApp
