Taju Tijani
Dear Wife,
“Yes, I am a Christian but I am yet to discover a practical application of faith and works that would fully transform my life. I labour under the misconception that a more knowledge, a more complete understanding and a more perfectly understood theology were all that I needed to transform my life.
After years as a practicing Christian, the belief that the gospel would provide me a power with which to control my feelings, my thoughts and my passion has not worked. Somehow, I have come to the realisation that my life has not been fully lived in keeping with His word. The more I read the scriptures, the more I became convinced that I needed to give God absolute surrender in everything – anger, selfishness, self-control, desire, ambition, lust, right, greed, self-righteousness and knowledge.
For the last two days, I have gone back to my Bible in fasting and as a sinner and I have learned that faith is not just an intellectual belief in truth but a willing decision to die to self – all the sinful nature I listed above. His wisdom needs to guide me. His Spirit needs to teach me. His strength needs to empower me to do that which He instructs. I realise that I have been living my Christian life in a legalistic frame of reference where if you do this, that, then you will be saved. I now realise how easier it is to live by love than out of duty.
This understanding is beginning to change the way I relate to my Bible and family. I have come to realise that the devil likes kicking us every weekend when he knows we need to be happy and be together as family. I have promised the FATHER of my desire to hold on to Him to gain victories over irritations that the devil keeps on exploiting. Sin has the power to make us and those around us very unhappy. But with love, the desire to sin disappears.
Whatever may have happened, I have let go. Part of God’s surrendering training for my life is to continually let go and let Him work his miracle through me. Up there I began with darling. Below I end this letter with I love you. The choice is yours to believe it or not. I have obeyed God who has been wrestling with me to let go, walk in love and allow his grace to shine through me. I love you.”
Love
Benjy.
Benjy,
“I have been thinking as well – and I do not think I want to carry on in this way. It does take two to tango but it is much more difficult when two people have to grand-stand and remain fixated on who is right or wrong. I do not know why we find other so irritating and annoying. Whatever it is, I know that it is not because of lack of love or respect; there may be a bit of ego (on the one side) and feeling of not being appreciated (on the other). Anyway, I do not want to even think about it- these days my heart palpitates and I am filled with rage! I know what you would say – but I am working on it. One of my strategies is to just walk away or get drunk and forget it!
Anyway, no matter how much we try we are still flesh! But we have to keep trying.
I think nonetheless that working away from home is a good thing for me during this time. It allows me to reflect and work things out in my head before the weekend. The weekend is the other problem- but I want to surrender it all to God and let him rule the waves!”
All the best,
Rosemary
Dear Wife,
“Alcohol induced amnesia cannot guarantee real happiness. I appreciate your desire to keep on trying. The process of transforming our personality is a life long process. But I can share some life’s inner secrets with you. I have come to realise that our mistake is that we are trying to figure out how to cope with unhappiness – make the best of it – instead of learning how to terminate it. It is unnatural for any human being to be dominated by anger, fear, rage, doubt or unhappiness. No emotional robber of any kind is yours. Also, whenever we seek to make a troubling emotion go away, all we are doing is empowering it all the more. The belief that we must be special and appreciated is a punishing belief if the world won’t confirm that belief.
There is no point in believing that working away from home is a protective shield. I want you to understand that nothing real is threatening you. Lastly, discontentment always makes a perfect sense to the discontent. Weekend is not the problem. The belief that weekend is a captor makes you its captive. You receive what you asked for through the desire of your thought. Change ‘weekend is the other problem’ to ‘weekend is a period of fun, happiness and warmth’ and your subconscious act as you have redirected it. Once again I called you darling up there and I love you below. If you know the power of ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ in the interplay of human emotion and their capacity to heal, you will begin to practice using them.”
I love you,
Benjy.
Benjy,
“Must loving you be a torture? I think you have to deal with the four famous ‘horsemen of the apocalypse’. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Last week, you attacked the wave on I spent time and money preparing for you. You criticised the clothes I wore to Lambe’s party and make me feel small. You have been denying your responsibility in the home and worse; you refused to engage in conversation whenever we have argument.
The idea of employing any endearing word has never crossed my mind. How can I fool myself by calling you darling when you cannot die for me? How can I call you sweet heart when you are heartache? Showww…..how can I call you honey when you are bitter lemon?
Rosemary
Dear Wife,
“I can see that you still live in a bubble of fantasy. You are in real trouble because you still give yourself away to negative states. If you harbour any hatred or resentment for any human being, regardless of how badly that person treated you, you will give yourself to bondage. My simple advice is this: unless you are prepared to free yourself from your inner enemies, you will always go from bad to worse.”
Love you.
Benjy,
“Yes, you can quote Gurdjieff, Krishnamurti, Chopra or Andrea. I don’t think you need their bubble. Love is a practical experience. The theory is your bubble. Practicalise their theories like a man and tumble out of your darker states. Let go of the judge in you by recognising that we cannot hold someone’s feet to the fire without suffering getting burned ourselves.”
Rosemary
Dear Wife,
“Are you suggesting we are going to burn in hell together?”
Love you.
Benjy,
“How many times would I tell you that if you have the courage to love that you must have the courage to suffer? Is there any other hell than marriage? The kitchen is hell. The bedroom is hellelle…This weekend I am removing the bedroom subsidy…You want to kill me?”
