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Single mothers and sex (1), by Anurika Onyelemelam

I have nothing against women who are struggling alone, without the assistance of husbands to bring up their child/children. But I have plenty issues with single mothers who bring their lovers home and indulge in bouts of sex, unmindful of their kids’ presence in the house!
What is the essence of railing against a kid for watching porn films or browsing porn websites, when you’re literarily showing them the practical stuff at home?
This is millennium age; an age where even four-year-old kids are wiser and seem to have a flair, knack and knowledge you wouldn’t ever dreamt was possible 20 years back.
I was telling some friends that when my son was three years old, he went to the flat of one of our neighbours who recently got married. Since they were newly married, we called the woman, Iyawo, while kids called the man Oga.
When Michael returned from their flat, he had a funny look in his eyes. Smiling like a cat that got the cream, he told me: “Mummy, Iyawo was kissing Oga!” He started giggling.
I was shocked to my bone marrow. You could have knocked me out with a feather! I quickly called Glory, my kid sister, and I asked Michael to repeat what he just told me. Grinning from ear to ear, he repeated the words again.
Can you beat that? Just tell me how on earth he knew what kissing was? The smile on his face that day showed that he knew something about kissing. Nay…don’t even go there! I’d never kissed anybody in his presence! Nay, I’m quite mindful of such exhibitions. What? But of course, I often kiss Michael. No big deal, he’s my son. The point here was that a mere three-year-old boy made an issue out of two adults kissing. Do you get my drift now?
I was even more stunned when my colleague, Christopher Oji, told me the weird conversation he had with his three-year-old son. They were sitting together and one thing led to another, and this conversation ensued:
Chris: Who is your mummy’s husband?
Son: (looking amazed) You’re mummy’s husband
Chris: Who told you I’m mummy’s husband?
Son: You’re Mr. Oji, mummy is Mrs. Oji. You and mummy used to play in your room!
Another shocker wouldn’t you say? Out of the mouth of babes….
Everyone knows that it’s a tough job being a single mother. I’m one. Anyway, situation forced me into it.
I bet that most single mothers never planned to be a single mother. Sometimes, shit happens and you just have to learn to live with such silly mistakes. Sometimes it could be an unwanted pregnancy, but most times it is the result of a broken marriage.
You learn to live with it. How many women will allow their husbands to go away with their kids and probably hand them over to their new wives to rear? Not many, I tell you. Definitely not me! Anywhere I go, my kids will have to go with me.
It’s hell to raise a kid or kids alone. You desperately want to be there for them, but you can’t. Life is not a bed of roses and you can’t have things both ways. Something has to give.
Thus even though you want to be there, you know you have to work to give them the best. You worry when you’re at the office; you pray that nothing bad will happen to them because you’d never forgive yourself.
Yeah, sure, it’s a tough life for single mothers.
But many are coping and a good number of others had coped. You can still cope. There’s nothing stopping you from bringing up one of the best well behaved, mannered children around your vicinity. It up to you!
But you have to be careful. The child/children have to come first in every decision you take and make, including sexual liaisons!
That a woman is a single mother doesn’t mean she will stop feeling horny from time to time. It doesn’t mean she wouldn’t get lonely sometimes. It doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want an emotional connection with a male adult. An average woman yearns for affection and attention from a man. Same for single fathers I guess. It’s a two way thing.
This is where I’m heading to: how to protect your kids from watching you and your lover runt in bed like two dogs in heat.
Most men, who date single mothers, seemed to prefer balling these women in their homes. This is what I don’t understand. I mean, the kids can walk in, anytime. After all, its’ their home too.
We have single mothers, who stay in a room apartment, yet they bring lovers home, sometimes they even allow these lovers to spend the night.
Try and be mindful of my usage here. I said lovers. Yeah, they keep changing men like they are changing menstruation pads! It’s shameful!
When it is time for balling, if the guy doesn’t want to stay the night, they send their kids outside and lock the door. I can’t just imagine choosing any guy over my innocent kids! Never!
And if any of the lovers wants to stay the night, she waits until she thinks that the kids are sleeping. This column is adult page and I won’t mince words with you.
You and I know the moans and groans of pleasure, unwittingly, which usually emits from us when we are caught up in the clutches of sexual pleasure or an approaching orgasm.
Even if you bite the guy’s shoulder and claw your fingers down his back to silence your screams of pleasure, the bed might still give the game away.
I had often told you guys about my former landlord when I was an undergraduate at Unilorin.
His wife is fat like Yokuzuna the wrestler. But the guy was nuts about her. Their room was just next to ours. We were three ladies: my roommates and I.
Whenever they started balling, we’d know. Even if we were asleep, we would wake up, keep silent, listening and waiting for them to finish before we could go back to sleep. They have a terrible bed! We used to call the bed Radio Nigeria.
If we are not yet asleep and they start with their fakafikifaka, we would look at one another and start laughing. We’d say, “Dem don start again…”
How silent do you hope to be so that the kids will not wake up? The thing about sex is that even if the kid/kids wake up, they wouldn’t make a whisper of a noise. They seem to naturally sense that what mummy and ‘that uncle’ are doing in bed is something they ought not to have heard, let alone see. But I tell you, kids these days will take a peep and continue to pretend to be asleep.
Perhaps I should tell you the story of Iya Prince and Baba Prince, to buttress my argument on the negative aspect of sex at home and bringing home of different lovers, called ‘Uncle’.
No! Iya Prince is not a single mother…please hold on and let me land or I might be forced to discontinue the story…are we good? Okay.
This happened on the street, not too far from mine. I heard Baba Prince went to the village to marry her. He brought her to Lagos and showed her off like he had won a trophy.
I guessed his happiness was actually that at his age, he was still able to snag himself a young wife. Ha! She was young. Just 18! Baba Prince could be three-four times her age.
Older men go for younger wives because they want somebody they can control. Some men go for younger wives because they want somebody they can outsmart at every turn, even when it comes to cheating on her on all ramifications!
All these have come to naught! Why, most of these young women are extremely smarter than their older husbands. Yeah, take that to the banks!
They soon had two kids, then Baba Prince started hearing all sort of stories of sexual escapades his young wife had been indulging in. worse, she was playing the field in their street. I heard that almost every Tom and James in the street had at one time or another poked his balls into her net!
But the besotted foolish husband refused to believe or was actually living in denial. Then she went once more for another guy in the street, Mike, and ended up falling in love after sampling his sugar stick.
They were balling like two rabbits and kept getting away with it because Baba Prince and Mike were very close. The young Mike was not just respectful, he used to dobale (prostrate) for Baba Prince.
Mike was staying with his cousins. They were all men in their one room apartment. He was searching for job and feeding was tough.
He used to go to Iya Prince to borrow money. She was said to have started wooing him, but he remained adamant until the day she played Pharaoh’s wife on him. She had called him, and as soon as he entered her also one room apartment, which she shared with her husband and two kids, she flung off her wrapper and stood in front of Mike, naked as a jailbird!
Mike fell on the spoil, feeding like a starved man. That was how the affair started. She would cook and take the meal to Mike. She would also give him money from what was given to her by Baba Prince.
I heard that there was a day poor Baba Prince came home, and the then Power Holding Company of Nigeria struck. The man took a bench outside to nap because of heat. Iya Prince called Mike, who had just walked past the sleeping man and made a bee line for the bathroom where Iya Prince was supposed to be taking her bath. She opened the bathroom door and allowed him to enter. There, he caned her like there was no tomorrow.
The most horrific of this was that everyone in the face-me-I-face-you compound and the street knew about the affair, except the stupid man.
Soon Mike’s cousins’ stopped laughing. They were no longer finding it funny. They ordered Mike to stop making a fool of Baba Prince, but he refused.
He knew he was having the best of both worlds. Free banging at the drop of a hat, and then food and money. What else could an applicant have asked for?
The cousins stopped speaking to him. There was a cold war in the house. The eldest cousin now decided to take the bull by the horn. He went straight to Baba Prince. But before he could say anything….
To be continued.