My husband masturbates beside me, by Anurika Onyelemelam
It’s always better to start from the beginning.
But for now, Anurika, let me just summarise my problem.
I want to leave my husband. I don’t think I can take it anymore.
I know a lot of marriages have their problems. Some couples troubles are greater than others…others less than others.
In the big picture, I don’t know which category mine belongs. Suffice to say, I don’t think I can take it anymore. My body had taken much beating, but I don’t think my heart can take anymore humiliations.
You may call me Yemisi. I’m in my early thirties.
I was dating a guy called Wale, when he suddenly won Visa Lottery and travelled overseas. After waiting for Wale for several years, my mother began to disturb me to get married, settle down and have children.
I’m not educated but have a business of my own as a trader. I didn’t even know anything about internet communication. Yes, I had phone, but Wale never called. It was almost as if he had disappeared from the face of the earth. Then I met my husband Waheed.
I felt that I have gotten a replacement for Wale in my heart and life. I fell in love again.
But right now, it seems like I married the wrong man! Is there anything like marrying the wrong man?
I met Waheed at a friend’s naming ceremony, we exchanged contact and the rest as they say, ‘is story’.
We had two lovely kids, both boys. Waheed never bothered for their up keep or how they paid their tuition fee.
I always ran to my mum for financial assistance and she never hesitated in reminding me about how she had kicked against the relationship.
But today, I can’t even meet her to explain and reveal the hell my marriage had become.
Waheed always makes sure we shared everything, down to the rent and NEPA bill.
I had never enjoyed the relationships that existed between couples.
Some years later, Wale was in town looking for me. He was quite upset when he saw me. He said I was looking haggard and unkempt.
He was so furious that he requested to speak with my husband. After that meeting with Wale, he started helping me out with money for the kids.
No! I had never gone to him for money; neither had he ever come looking to give me money.
He only gives me money whenever we bumped into each on the road. We both were born and grew up on Lagos Island.
I started avoiding him after he asked that we should continue our love affair despite the fact that we were both married.
I almost succumbed to his idea because of what Waheed had been putting me through, but I couldn’t! I respect the sanctity of marriage and had never cheated on my husband since we married.
But the situation in our marriage continues to deteriorate.
I know that my husband was into extra marital affairs, but this time, the situation is bad.
These days when we lay together on the bed, Waheed does not touch me.
He had not made love with in the past eight months. He treats me like a leper.
The present lady he is having extra marital affair with lives about two streets away from our house.
He now brings her to our matrimonial home. And he would send me to go and buy drinks for both of them.
Whenever I refused, he would beat me. Waheed used to give me and the children N300 as allowance for the day but always goes to the restaurant to eat with his mistress. He expects me to cook with the N300, including to buy assorted meats, which are his favourite. He also expects me to buy the children school snacks from the money.
Where does he expect me to get money for all these things?
My siblings suggested I moved out of his house.
These days, he would just stare at me and asked no one in particular: “Why did I marry this ugly lady?”
I know I’m not ugly. If what people say is anything to go by, then I’m quite beautiful.
These days, I used to ask myself what I’m still doing with him.
The last straw that broke the camel’s back was his latest bedroom activity.
It appeared he preferred to masturbate, rather than touch me. The first time, I wept. But now, I’m dead inside out!
He had removed my picture and those of our kids from his phone screen, replacing it with that of his mistress. Most times, he would prefer to lie on the floor, than on the bed with me.
Please just give me five reasons why I should not walk away from this sham of a marriage.
(The story was re-written for better understanding by readers and contributors).