Adultery threatening marriages in Nigeria, says counselor
The President of Igando Customary Court, Lagos, Ruphus Adeyeri, has said that the sin of adultery is threatening most marriages in the country.
Adeyeri told the News Agency of Nigeria on Saturday in Lagos that most married men and women were engaged in extra-marital affairs for reasons best known to them.
He said: “Most spouses are perpetrators of infidelity.
“They get involved in it for one reason or the other.”
Adeyeri, who is also a marriage counselor, attributed the cause of infidelity to economic reason.
He said many families could not meet up with responsibility of taking care of their homes.
According to him, there is a limit a woman can bear when she discovers that her husband cannot provide for the family.
As such, she seeks assistance outside.
He said: “The issue of money makes women to cheat on their husbands.
“When he cannot meet their needs financially, she falls for a man who showers her with money.”
Adeyeri said infidelity was just a way of life to some people as they could never be satisfied with one man or woman.
He said: “They are just wired to be unfaithful.
“Some are serial cheaters.
“They cheat for the thrill of it.”
Adeyeri said that when spouses become unfaithful to each other, most of them resulted to divorce as the only solution.
He said that many partners, who come to court for dissolution of their marriages, allege adultery on the part of their spouses.
The court president noted that insatiable sex could also lead to extra-marital affairs, pointing out that many spouses accuse one another of dissatisfaction or denial of sex.
He said: “Many couples complain of being sex starved by their spouses or that they are not satisfied with their spouse’s sexual lives, while some couples withhold sex as a form of punishment for their spouses.”
According to Adeyeri, divorce has a social effect, especially on children, and the society is put at risk if the children are not catered for.
He said such children may turn out to be a nuisance to themselves and the society.
He said: “Most of the children roaming the streets, committing havoc and those who drop out of school are mostly from divorced parents.”
He said that no single man or woman could train a child effectively or provide adequate care no matter how rich he or she was, as God had made it the responsibility of both parents.
Adeyeri admitted that there was no perfect family in the world, no perfect man or woman and as such the couple must agree to make things work.
He said: “No marriage is made in heaven.
“Spouses only agree to work together in unity.”
He said adultery sets in when a partner feels neglected by his spouse, who pays more attention to his/her career, children or relatives, thereby leaving the partner no choice than to seek for attention outside the marriage.
He asserted that spending little time with your partner could increase the chance of infidelity.
According to him, the secret of a successful marriage is trust, patience, understanding, confidence and unity of purpose.
He said: “Trust, understanding and patience are some of the important virtues that sustain a relationship.
“These virtues are the foundation of a strong bond between two people.”
The counselor advised couples to always place their family on the rock of Jesus Christ as He is the head of the home.
Adeyeri urged couples to be good communicators and listeners as this would strengthen their relationship.
He said: “Couples should communicate effectively, avoid conversations that will cause their spouses pain.
“The more open you are, the closer the bond you will have with your spouse.
“Partners must also be able to resolve conflicts effectively as every couple have disagreement.
“You should also accept that you cannot change your partner.”